Anyone so put off by marriage and living with a man that they plan on remaining single for the rest of their lives?!

[BlueTeaCups]

Planning on leaving DH after a toxic marriage where I know we would be both much better off in the long run.

The thought of meeting and sharing my life/living with another man fills me with horror!

Has anyone got divorced with no plans on basically EVER dating again? Are you much happier? I am used to living with someone and coming home after work chatting about my day, if anything goes wrong in the house it’s not just up to me and I do like having someone to share a meal with and watch a show together but I can’t imagine ever doing that again after divorce?

Yes, me. Divorced for almost a decade, two lovely kids, nice house and lifestyle, interesting job.

No plans to change my single status at all.

I felt like you and I went through with it, and now there’s nothing i wouldn’t give to turn back time and give myself the chance to listen to my gut feeling. The marriage is costing me my sanity and an unspeakable amount of money.
Marriage is a con for women.
Don’t be me, call it off. It’ll be hard but never as hard as facing the consequences of getting married.
Hugs

I don't think I've been put off or have strong negative emotions or experiences.

In fact, a lot of my experiences with men have been positive.

But yes yes to just being content in my own space, finding my own niche interests and friendly spaces I can go to solo ...if I don't want children or have a massive sex drive, it feels dating doesn't add much.

Especially as societal roles are more equal now and men and women can enjoy each others company in other contexts.

There seems little point in maintaining a 1-1 intimate exclusive relationship with someone, when you can have the same social experience, chats and mixed company just through friendship groups etc?

I've done two T*r meets recently.

I actually run in similar social circles to these guys and it felt like I'd be happy to see them as part of a mixed group, but it's not really worth putting time and energy into more 1-1 stuff.

The guys seem to have developed hobbies and close supportive mixed friendships whilst being single, so I would just be their "new female friend who had sex with them". Meh.

I divorced after 20+ years. I did not plan to date or remarry but did meet someone and was widowed after 12 years. I know now that being single suits me much better and I enjoy living on my own.

Yes, I have no desire to live with a man or be in a relationship again. I do miss intimacy but I can live without it for the peace and contentment.

I do sometimes worry what I'll do when my children are grown and whether I'll be lonely but I have many friends who are just getting divorced, so swings in roundabouts. So many of my acquaintances have rushed into relationships and moan about them and I don't have any of that. I enjoy my own company now, I enjoy my children's company, why would I bring anyone else into disrupt that.

Been single for 3 year's now. Occasionally get lonely but.....no one complaining if I want to just read a book and not talk. Noone hogging the duvet or snoring 😀

Divorced amicably ten years ago, met someone else a couple of years later and dated for 5 years but he died and I decided no more - I can't cope with the grief of losing anyone else be it to splitting up or them dying. And at 56, in the very unlikely event of meeting someone and them liking me enough to want to be with me, they are probably going to be getting on a bit and I would be highly likely to have to go through grief again which I just can't do.

I never married, have been with DP for over 30 years now. We live separately about 20 minutes from each other. Spend a lot of time together but we both value our independence and the freedom of separate houses. No children.

If it's good enough for Queen Camilla and King Charles (she mostly lives in Ray Mill House, not Highgrove), then it's good enough for me!

I highly recommend it, IF you meet someone after a long time single or post divorce/bereavement. But each to their own.

@valderan- this would be my ideal set-up. Having said that, I’m just coming out of an awful marriage which ended brutally. It would have to be someone very special to make me consider any kind of relationship at all.

At the moment I am enjoying the peace of living alone and I’m not keen on giving that up.

Single for 13 years. Lone parent so never any free time to see someone for many years. Now I have time, I just can’t be arsed with them. Useless lumps most of them.

Don't do it!

I don't know if anyone read the OLD thread where the 60 year old man set his criteria?
Max age 35, slim, no children and personally financially wealthy (work or family).
Who the hell is going to want a relationship with someone 25 years older and take away a females chance to have a family if that's what they want. Nurse with a purse springs to mind. The chap was divorced with grown up children, his daughter posted because she was embarrassed. I bet he was after a prenup too.
No thanks. I love the current Mr Luce very much but never again.
Criteria indeed.

Was with exH for 22 years, as a partner & wife. I wouldn't do it again. I lihe the peace, the tidiness, and the nice smelling bathroom, tbh.

i left X 12 years ago and have never dated. I really don’t want to. I CBA & I don’t miss it.

the link between CSA & “step parents” is strong & I experienced huge trauma as a young teen from my mums horrible boyfriends. I would never have risked that with young dc.

I might be open to dating now if I met someone I fancied (unlikely) (dc are teens) but I can’t see myself ever living with someone again. Don’t want to, don’t need to & I can’t see any benefit to it.

things might radically change in the future but I doubt it.

“Single” life can be really good op. Being in a relationship isn’t compulsory thank goodness.

Separated from ex after 25 years marriage as I was mid 40s. Now 50 and been single for 5 years. Not the slightest bit interested in having another relationship never mind living with someone. Both kids adults now. I got a dog which solved any loneliness.

Me. I was in relationships with men from the age of 15. Looking back, all had some form of abuse. The first one was a cheater, the second one tried to strangle me and my exH was all sorts of wrong, starting with a power imbalance and progressing from there. I've been single now for nearly eight years and I've never been happier. In fact, my bestie told me last night that the change in me was amazing, she's known me over 35 years and says she can see how contented I am and how it reflects on my mental and physical wellbeing. I'm not giving that up for any man. I am enough.

I think a lot of this is to do with being 50. I think when you're younger, oestrogen makes you want to find a man and settle down. Once those hormones are gone, you just think "Sod that!".

I’m feeling that at 40 😐Partly because I was widowed at 31 and I’ve totally exhausted the meagre dating pool where I live (rural area).

I do miss emotional intimacy and touch, but very little else. I like controlling my own house and finances. I LOVE getting paid a bonus and not having someone else decide how they’re going to spend it before it’s even hit my bank account.

Single after a horrible marriage. I stayed single for my children, which was 100% the right approach as I have been their stability so they have thrived.

I've dated but my bar is high so I'm likely to remain single. I'm making peace with that decision, as it wasn't the life I imagined but the alternative, another bad relationship, isn't something I'm willing to do.

I do love my solo time however and financially secure so that really helps

Hereweka - really, really don't do it.

I think I may have found a happy medium. I had a hideous divorce in my early 30s followed by some very unhealthy dating and shitty short term relationships then 8 years of singledom. I started dating again in my late 40s and after a couple of years, I've met someone lovely. We've been together for just shy of 4 years now and we don't live together. We have our own separate homes and we get together for holidays, weekends, even the odd weeknight. It works really well for us.

@MargoLivebetter Thats ideal isn’t it and I think if I ended up alone then that’s what I would consider.

The only issue is shared expenses are better, I think I would consider short term lodgers. Ones that are on short working contracts or just want to lodge in the week and be home at the weekend for the extra money.

I try to meet each day with an open mind.

I've been single for years. Ex was abusive & controlling, still simmers with rage after 14 years & I consider him dangerous because he has no ability to let it go.

I've had one short relationship since, which I ended because he belittled me & was trying to impose his will in my and ds' home.

I doubt I will ever meet a decent single man, but I won't rule it out because that would benefit no-one.

I'm 40 and I've been single for over three years. I've no intention of ever dating again. It's far more stress than it's ever worth and I just can't be bothered with another person or their kids / parents / issues etc. Fuck that.

I did have a lodger for a while @Mellivora . It worked quite well.

Why would you do that? You're setting yourself up for years of potential unhappiness and expense.

No decent man would force you into a marriage you don't want.

@LivinggentlyI also miss emotional intimacy and touch, but I’m not prepared to compromise the safe and peaceful life I have made for myself.