Can I be forced into working full time?

[naturalbaby]

I work part time/job share but 12hr shifts on an 8 day rota.

We have 3 teenagers with hectic schedules and it's impossible for 1 parent to manage alone for more than a few days - we agreed to be amicable and flexible and have very little/no childcare support. The reason I'm part time is because of the logistics of the kids schedules, it was very difficult for their dad to manage when I worked full time. He's now saying I'll have to work full time or get a different job. I'm on UC so this makes up for my loss of earnings.
Can I be forced to change my work in the next few months for the financial agreement??
We have a joint mediation session soon and I don't want to waste time so want to make it as efficient as possible so that we can finalise the divorce asap.

What would be your hours of work if fulltime?

I understand your concerns, trying to provide some stability whilst going through separation however should courts get involved a judge will expect you to maximise earnings.

You mention matches, assume football or similar so perhaps seasonal and isn't all year round. If that's the case then you might need to find a solution, such as booking half day holiday or asking school/Club to attend. They can do this for you.

When you mention 13 year old being home alone, is this through the day/evening? If they have older siblings can they help out?

Reality is single mums struggle with the balance but somehow you find a way to make it work. Your children are older so that's much helpful as can be independent.

She won't get maintenance if she chooses not to work full time, not even as a bridge. His legal representatives would shut that down pretty quickly.

Both DH and I worked full time. Our children are 7 years apart in age. During holidays the 13 year old would be by himself for part of the day. I'm afraid that needs must dictated that, and the fact that he refused to go to a childminder after the age of 11.
Sometimes OP, you just have to make the best of a bad job.

Yes other parents really do leave 13 year olds alone for 8 hours plus.

There's very few childcare options for that age and the ones that exist they mostly don't want to go to.

2 kids play a sport in different teams where they need a parent/guardian on site for all matches and training sessions.

For teenagers??

I was left at extra curricular sports clubs without a parent from about 5. Why do you need to be there for training?

Of course she will get child maintenance.
Working or not he is entitled to pay for his child/children .
OP call cms and make an application. You can also do online

That poster is talking about spousal maintenance if you read the post!

@Imbusytodaysorry Alimony??

Of course OPs lifestyle will have to change.

@naturalbaby

Yes teens are left for 8+ hours, perfectly normal and some are looking after younger ones. It's normal for teens to use public transport and share lifts too. Divorce means things do change and it's tough. Child maintenance may not be zero oven at 50/50 if a large income difference but you mention he earns double what you earn which implies he is not a high earner.

I think you need to urgently address how you are going to increase your income as you will have a lot stronger position in negotiating in mediation if any transitional arrangements have an end point

The poster was suggesting maintenance pending suit, not child maintenance. Rare, not least because the legal fees of applying often outstrip the amount received.

I am looking into how to maximise my income but I've only had this job for a few years and the nature of it means I will have to reduce my income when the divorce goes through. I can't just walk into a new job that's full time mon-fri 9-5 which is what he wants me to do. He's asking me to change the way I work because he can't cope with my rota.

The kids activities - I've explained as best I can. Our kids have to have a parent/guardian on site. That part of our the kids sporting commitment is non negotiable. There is nobody else to drive them plus their equipment and supervise them for this activity twice a week. They will probably have to give up soon, we accept that. But asking teenagers to cope with every single aspect of their lives being turned upside down and changed is hard enough with they're dealing with GCSEs and neuro diversity. Ex agreed to support us so that the change was gradual and the kids can cope. Now he's pushing me to change our agreement because he can't cope .

It sounds as if the kids' sporting activity schedules are unrealistic, if they are so demanding it prevents both parents from working full time to support the family, and the only solution is for a parent to drive them there and back and stay the whole time. That's a huge commitment and it does sound a lot to try to juggle with one full time job and a part time job on a changeable rota. I can see why it's not likely to be sustainable in the longer term.

@naturalbaby You need to make him aware that 50/50 custody means EXACTLY that. If he can't cope with your rota that is no longer an issue when you are divorced. For HIS 50% of the time, he will need to make arrangements for child care on HIS time.

You only have to worry about child care for your 50% of the time. Sounds like he is still wanting you to do the bulk of 'childminding' time even when he has 50% custody. He can't demand that you work certain hours ( as in times) so that you can still mind the kids, ferry them to stuff etc etc when it is his turn to have them!! He'll have to sort his own arrangements on his time and leave you to sort out your own arrangements. Sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it, from your last post? Do not agree to make arrangements for things to do about the kids when HE has them. He'll have to sort himself, the same as you will

oh sorry miss perfect.

Whatever you ex agreed he has changed his mind and you cannot hold him to it. I expect he has run the numbers and it’s just not affordable. That is an outcome of divorce which results in people living in two separate properties and running two separate households.

He is right to say that you need to maximise your income- which usually means working FT with children in their teens.

However he should make reasonable compromises to accommodate your shift work. But I don’t see why this is a problem for either of you. They are old enough to get to and from school and to be home alone for a limited period when you aren’t home.

The hobby sounds untenable for any parent if you are expected to be there. That’s a problem with the hobby because it sounds ridiculous. And with GSCEs are a good time to put an end to it.

This is not about him having control. It is about your choice. He is telling you that he won’t make allowance for that choice when negotiating a financial settlement. He doesn’t need to and nothing he previously agreed to in the past will have any relevance to the future and the settlement.

I'm wondering if he's starting to push back about childcare and my job because the split of childcare affects the split of finances? I know I need to do a lot more research on this but he's started muttering about primary/resident parent.

We've spent almost a year trying to navigate separation and coming up with a childcare arrangement that works for him but nothing we've tried works for him - partly because he's self employed and works from home so he steps in when a kid is caught in a downpour or the bus breaks down - I don't ask, he just steps in and does it when the kids contact him. He can't figure out how to make it work for him so he's pushing back on agreements we made together.

This!! Why should it all fall to op?

So he already pulls his weight then. And given they are teenagers, he would only agree to less than 50/50 etc if he was a fool. Sorry OP, but no one wants to fund another adult in order for them to work part time to parent teenagers.

How old are these kids exactly ?

This is very confusing - the oldest must be 17 if they are getting driving lessons, in which case childcare for them is irrelevant. They also could & should be minding their younger siblings when you're at work. The training sound unworkable for kids doing exams even if you were still together - unless it's a sport they want to do as a career they need to cut back anyway to have time to revise for exams. By the time you're divorced the eldest will be 18 and treated as an adult, so not relevant for child maintenance.
What is your question here? Can you make your husband take them to training- obviously not. Can UC expect you to work 35 hours - yes.

Why shouldn’t you have to work full time like most other people?! Your kids are teens not little. Why should you get a free pass to only work part time?

I'm not asking or expecting anyone to fund my choice to work part time - I've explained as much as I can why I ended up working part time and how complex my work and family schedule is without divulging too many personal details. I want to work full time but don't because my ex couldn't manage work and childcare by himself - this is an arrangement we agreed on to help him cope and rebuild his career so that we could start the separation and divorce process. Now he expects me to walk into a full time job with hours that don't exist in my workplace so I'm going to have to retrain and start over again.
I'm trying to figure out what control I have in this situation because I'm going to be left with a low paid job that I can only do for another 10yrs if I'm lucky (which I love and will be devastated to leave) and 3 kids to support until they are independent adults.
I'm trying to figure out how quickly the kids lives are going to be turned upside down so we can all cope with the changes we need to make.

I want to work full time but don't because my ex couldn't manage work and childcare by himself

Teenagers don't need childcare. They need to stick to local extracurricular so they can get there by bus or walk. Very strange that they need an adult to wait with them. I had extracurricular in primary and secondary school and my parents never had to wait there. No parents stayed.

Nobody works full time in your place?

you said you were job share- surely that two of you sharing a full time role?

so do full time jobs not exist, or do you mean there aren’t any posts available at the minute?

is your role only at this one place? There are no other companies that employ people in your role? Anywhere?

I would speak to your manager about full time before you do anything. Can you do the rest of your hours in another department, offer to cover sick pay, mat leave?

second job until a full time position comes up?

it’s a bit unbelievable that full time jobs in your current role don’t exist at all.

If you want to know how much time you have then the honest answer is none without a court order providing what you need to work part time. And the chances of getting a court order when your children are teenagers and not special needs are very close to none. Sorry, but I am afraid your ex is well within his rights to say he won’t support this lifestyle choice and can stop immediately.