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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can I be forced into working full time?

229 replies

naturalbaby · 08/12/2024 19:58

I work part time/job share but 12hr shifts on an 8 day rota.

We have 3 teenagers with hectic schedules and it's impossible for 1 parent to manage alone for more than a few days - we agreed to be amicable and flexible and have very little/no childcare support. The reason I'm part time is because of the logistics of the kids schedules, it was very difficult for their dad to manage when I worked full time. He's now saying I'll have to work full time or get a different job. I'm on UC so this makes up for my loss of earnings.
Can I be forced to change my work in the next few months for the financial agreement??
We have a joint mediation session soon and I don't want to waste time so want to make it as efficient as possible so that we can finalise the divorce asap.

OP posts:
pavillion1 · 08/12/2024 21:21

maybe i should join my kids up to a few clubs then i can go part time UC will pick up the tab

millymollymoomoo · 08/12/2024 21:23

As others have said no.

but your financial settlement will be based on a reasonable expectation of your ft salary rather than giving you more /spousal to keep you pt and rightly so

your children are not little - your dh is right- you can work ft

C8H10N4O2 · 08/12/2024 21:48

HardlyLikely · 08/12/2024 21:06

Or it can be decided that the teenagers need to limit themselves to activities they can walk or get public transport to?

Show quote history

In which case the teenagers lose out due to their DFs unwillingness to support their activities. Either way, DH carries on his merry way with the DC and OP making the adjustments.

millymollymoomoo · 08/12/2024 22:04

Well I found as kids get older activities move later (6pm onwards and weekends)

kids can find ways to still do activities A eg we had Rotas with other parents etc.

either way, op is separating and will need to work to support herself. UC should not be a lifestyle choice

CrazyGoatLady · 08/12/2024 22:06

UC is for those in financial need, not those whose teenagers go to a lot of extracurricular activities and need a chauffeur!

ShinyShona · 08/12/2024 22:11

Can you be forced to work full time? No. Can he be forced to work full time? No.

Ultimately though, both of you will get a settlement based on what you can earn, not what you do earn. How much you work is probably going to depend on how much you need.

If your question was really "can I make him pay me maintenance so I can work less" the answer is also no.

pikkumyy77 · 08/12/2024 22:16

The children’s activities have to stop and you have to go back to work full time. This is best for you as you will have a better life as a fully independent worker than you will as a dependent “mum” for children who will grow put of needing all this ferrying around.

MiriamCavendale · 08/12/2024 22:18

OP, I worked 18 hours after my divorce and claimed UC with two teenagers and there was never any pressure from the DWP to make me work more hours. I claimed for three years and then went full-time when my children were older.

MiriamCavendale · 08/12/2024 22:26

Any contributions your exH pays will be calculated on his earnings and how often he has the children stay with him. I have no regrets or guilt over being part time or claiming UC when I did. It made single parenthood easier for me and my children at a very difficult time.

Isatis · 08/12/2024 22:36

Why can't the teenagers get themselves to their activities?

mitogoshigg · 08/12/2024 22:49

When it comes to calculating splits etc it will be based on you working full time unless you have mitigating circumstances as to why that's not possible - kids activities do not count. When parents split there will be changes and that will potentially include children not being able to do everything they did before. Also uc is likely to insist you search for more hours if youngest is 12.

Nobody can force you exactly but you won't be propped up by others to let you work less.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/12/2024 23:00

Get a FT job. He'll have to just cope when it's his week on won't he.

I think you need to start considering pensions and your long term financial future because in the nicest possible way, your kids hobbies are not going to fund you in your old age.

Meadowfinch · 08/12/2024 23:16

"I imagine it's a big shock to the system having to provide for yourself when you've been dependent on your husband for years. Can you find another man to financially support you? "

What an awful example to set the dcs. Finding some other man to sponge off !!

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2024 23:29

Meadowfinch · 08/12/2024 23:16

"I imagine it's a big shock to the system having to provide for yourself when you've been dependent on your husband for years. Can you find another man to financially support you? "

What an awful example to set the dcs. Finding some other man to sponge off !!

Did you read the rest of her post…?

Original poster
naturalbaby · 09/12/2024 00:53

I'm not claiming UC to ferry the kids to activities , I did it so that my ex could move out and rent somewhere until the family home is sold - he was refusing to move out, saying he couldn't afford it and we were all struggling to cope with him in the house.
Part of the reason we agreed to let them continue with all their activities is so that their routine and social lives don't get disrupted too much by the divorce.

I'm worrying about what my ex can push for in the process - we agreed on certain things to prioritise the kids welfare but he keeps changing his mind and making statements like he's not going to accommodate a childcare plan that works around my shift pattern.

OP posts:
Original poster
naturalbaby · 09/12/2024 01:07

The issue with the kids activities is they have matches up to 100 miles away and they need a parent/guardian with them at all times. For 2 of them, this is the only thing they do outside of school and in the short term, it's not fair to make them stop this activity because their dad is complaining about how much of 'his' money I'm going to 'take' in the divorce process.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 09/12/2024 07:19

100 miles? That can’t be every week or m-f

my kids did cricket and swimming ( and football) which could take them 20 miles or so. 100 miles? That can’t only be for tournaments occasionally surely ? A friends children did dance and gym which could take them a long way but this was not every week and was at weekends - and they also Rita’s with other parents

This highlights exactly what is wrong with the welfare system in this country

Firenzeflower · 09/12/2024 07:27

Can I go PT and claim benefits so I can take my 16yo to ballet? I’m not sure he wants to do ballet but I didn’t know this was a thing. He might have to do ballet if I can have a day off. Sadly it’s too late for my eldest three - no ballet for them.

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 09/12/2024 07:46

Thing is, the court doesn't have to consider what it is fair to teens when their parents separate. If he won't ferry them around kn his time then he either needs to have less time and pay child support, or they don't go on his days. You are currently sacrificing your income and pension contributions and he is sacrificing nothing. That only works in the marriage, when you had an agreement for him to finance your joint life. Things have to change when people separate.

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 07:58

Extra curriculars are luxuries though so will have to go if you can't manage them between you.

It wouldn't even matter if your children were olympic hopefuls. It is a downside of having separated parents, the teens schedules will have to change.

Soontobe60 · 09/12/2024 08:05

Presumably these 100 miles extra curricular activities are done at the weekend?
Your ex is right, childcare shouldn’t be arranged around just 1 parents shift patterns. There should be consistency for all, especially the children. For example, if you have a 1 week on 1 week off 50/50 arrangement, it would be up to each of you to sort out childcare when they are either you.
m when they are with him, he dies the 100 mile trip.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 09/12/2024 08:06

MiriamCavendale · 08/12/2024 22:18

OP, I worked 18 hours after my divorce and claimed UC with two teenagers and there was never any pressure from the DWP to make me work more hours. I claimed for three years and then went full-time when my children were older.

Times have changed. The expectation now for UC is 30 hours a week if children 3-12 and 35 hours a week if children over 13.

needsomewarmsunshine · 09/12/2024 08:09

100 round trip as a regular activity? That could jog right off for a start.
Another one who is interested to know how old are the teens OP ?

DarkAndTwisties · 09/12/2024 08:20

naturalbaby · 09/12/2024 01:07

The issue with the kids activities is they have matches up to 100 miles away and they need a parent/guardian with them at all times. For 2 of them, this is the only thing they do outside of school and in the short term, it's not fair to make them stop this activity because their dad is complaining about how much of 'his' money I'm going to 'take' in the divorce process.

So all the children who do this activity have one parent not working full time?

Surely 100 miles away events are at the weekend, not after school?

mamajong · 09/12/2024 08:28

Some posters are being a little harsh imo - understandable that you don't want DC to lose out as a result of your separation. No you cannot be forced but your capability to earn as opposed to what would be deemed lifestyle choices are what will be considered in the financial settlement so you may 'have' to increase your hours if you cannot manage. If it's any consolation, our DC have heavy commitments activity wise and we both work full time. Depending on their hobbies if it's team/group stuff it's well worth speaking to other parents in the team and setting up a car share/lift share arrangement to help share the load. Also if the DC are teens, you may find that buses/taxis are an option and may be more cost effective if you are working more hours. You'll know more once you know what your finances will look like post divorce.

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