Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

This is my question!

You aren’t married, you didn’t contribute to the deposit and have never contributed to the mortgage payments - it is his house. He is acting very generously really compared to what he could do, legally. I’d take the offer.

Besides the point.

It’s a good offer OP. Push for a straight 50% split on the house with no silly imaginary costs.

People saying you're entitled to half the value of the house aren't giving legal advice. His offer sounds generous. I'd speak to a solicitor before trying to negotiate anything better with him.

No he couldn't. She's on the mortgage, which creates a presumption of shared ownership. Intention is demonstrated by that that it was always meant to be a family home and she was meant to be an equitable owner of it, with him.

I think accepting the offer is probably wise, but you are mistaking the law where the house and mortgage are all in one person's name, that person paid all the mortgage, and they aren't married, with this situation.

The law is more complicated than people realise.

I just read her post again. She's not only on the mortgage, she says it's jointly owned - 50/50.

I have no idea why everyone keeps insisting she has no rights.

But that means he's expecting you to shoulder the full cost of the various expenses that wouldn't be incurred with that £20k. No that is not reasonable. At a very minimum if the expenses were incurred with a sale you would each get £90k after those expenses, but if he buys you out those expenses aren't incurred so any offer less than £100k is insulting and exploitative. If you accept £80k he is gaining £120k of value in that transaction. How is that fair?

Have you actually checked whether you could buy him out yourself by counter-offeeing the same deal to him? Could you find a lender willing to lend you the current loan amount plus a buy-out sum as a solo borrower? Or could any members of your wider family help you to increase your borrowing power?

You have to do whst is in the best interests of the children and giving in to financial exploitation for the sake of avoiding a fight is not that.

If you do come to a more equitable buy-out arrangement make sure you do it firmally using a solicitor to ensure that your obligations are severed correctly. If you just accept a sum of money from him without formal and legal processes you coukd find he never actually removes your name from the mortgage and you remain liable for the debt in the event that he gets himself in financial trouble in future years

Not really, I mean he’s moved out so for the past few months or however they have been separated op has had the mortgage and bills paid for she could have saved a massive sum to help either buy out her ex or buy a new place

I would ask for half the equity (£100k) and buy a one or two bed property, on the basis that you need to get back on the property ladder and the kids are likely to stay with him for most of the time.

Don't fight it in court. Just negotiate to get as much as you can. You could get a shared ownership place?

I think the offer is very fair and sensibly laid out

what I’m not understanding is your resins for not buying somewhere with your £80k lump sum and £50k salary? Shared ownership would certainly give you more security than private rental. Your wages aren’t high enough to disclude you but enough to get a mortgage for £150k which would cover shared ownership as you have such a decent deposit

The offer is fair. He sounds very reasonable and you have been lucky so far as an unmarried partner. He has supported you all way beyond any legal obligations but is probably tired of it now.
Great that he will continue to offer stability by keeping the children’s home. Time for you to move out and look for somewhere close by so the children can easily live with you both or choose.
Can you afford a 3 bed rental or purchase close by?

why can’t you buy a new place with your 90k and income of 50k?

you are taking the guy for granted expecting him to pay your mortgage and bills during this separation

I saw a post on here recently and the guys mother was worried sick about him because he was funding a set up similar to yours and he was stuck in financial limbo!

why do you expect him to pay your mortgage and bills as well as covering his own expenses away from the house?

I mean what steps have you taken to secure accommodation for you and your kids?

in his shoes I would quit paying the bills and pay you only 50pc of the mortgage

don’t keep biting the hand that feeds you - you have a nerve coming on here asking if his offer is fair

hes clearly a pushover!

If he plans to buy you out, there would be no estate agent fees?

On a £50k salary with no mortgage or bills you must be saving a fair whack each month since he left?

I would take financial and legal advice.

Why do you say you wouldn't get a mortgage on your own? You have more than enough for a deposit and a wage that would allow you to borrow a further £200-£300. You seem very financially naive.

OP ignore the comments saying “you’ve done really well”… “why haven’t you contributed to the mortgage” ect.

The fact is that you own the property equally and (assuming that you will both continue to play a significant part in your DCs lives) you will both need to be suitably rehoused.

By buying you out he will be avoiding almost all additional costs, where as you will only be avoiding some additional costs. You will still have to pay stamp duty, legal fees ect on your onwards purchase, so I feel that you should be the one getting slightly more than 50% of the equity.

I would ensure that you have a few estate agents value it for you (not just rely on his valuation). Start speaking to a mortgage broker to confirm your mortgage capacity and establish what you would be able to afford as an onwards purchase. Calculate half of the equity, plus what your legal fees and stamp duty would be on your onwards purchase, then add this on to your equity and then counter offer this to him. Remember that you will also be taking the risk of buying the new property, so if house prices rise in between you starting the negotiations and you being able to purchase then you will be the one who has to settle for less house.

Another one who doesn’t think it’s correcf that you are shouldering the theoretical fees in this scenario… however, maybe worth totting up the value of the mortgage and bills he has been paying since he left and you may feel it is quite fair overall.

If you have been earning £50k for a while but he pays the mortgage and bills, I’d assume you have significant savings in your name on top of the £80k. I do understand wanting to move to rental to give yourself breathing room to think about what you need/want, but might be worth a chat with a mortgage broker and work out what you could borrow if you wanted to buy your own flat/house.

It IS correct that the notional selling fees are deducted. ( legal and estate agents but not stamp duty)
if op were to push it to court that’s what would be awarded.

they own the house equally so it’s 50:50 but 50:50 of an agreee amount ( might get less on open market ) and can deduct selling costs even if not incurred.

op has done well. She earns well, admits her career hasn’t taken a hit, has paid naff all and her ex is being reasonable

of course op can fight that and spend way more on legal fees to do so than the actual impact of ex offer, lose goodwill of ex and push it to court and still get her 50:50 less selling fees.

op should take the money (50% of equity ( price less mortgage inc erc )less reasonable costs of estate agents, legal fees) use that as a deposit and either get a mortgage ( should be able to get 200k mortgage plus equity ) or rent somewhere suitable

Op should not be getting slightly more than 50% of equity! They own as joint tenants presumably so that’s it. Less reasonable notional selling fees.

and considering hasn’t paid any of it that’s fair ( and her legal entitlement)

at some point ex quite rightly will say enough is enough and stop paying

There will be solicitors costs so he will need to cover all those costs, fees to land registry etc. as to stamp duty I'm not sure, rules are complicated in such situations. You'll have removal costs so that's unfair, ask him to allow you £500 for removals and you get 50% of the contents (clarify in advance as they are cumulatively worth a lot) - perhaps negotiate basically and say you'll accept 90% of your 50% once belongings are clarified... and he pays all associated fees to get you off the mortgage and land registry documents.

Adding his offer for the deposit and first months rent it really is better than the courts would mandate

What I'm not getting is - if you have been earning £50k for years, and only paying for food and small kid's stuff, you must have had the opportunity to save thousands of pounds?

If I were your ex and you decided to fight me for more, I'd think you were a total dick and I'd fight back. Court costs would be a minimum of 15k for both of you, so 30k in total, and you'd have to pay yours whether you won or lost, so basically a complete waste of money.

I think he's being fair and I think you've done well to stay in the house this long and on such an amicable footing.