Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I really hope you're not serious when you attack him for putting 'new challenges' in your way. He's been sofa surfing since you threw him out the home he paid for because you decided he wasn't fun enough. If anybody's entitled to feel victimised here it's not you,
I suspect your friends are either not appreciating the difference between marriage and cohabitation legally OR are telling you the only thing you will willingly hear. Unfortunately that's not going you any favours.

Why don't you just accept his first offer and see what happens. You'd be no worse off than you already are and it would remove the stress. Ask him to help you find somewhere, be clear with the kids that dad is staying in his house do they have two homes not none. Start to move on with your life.

Totally fake, I am just sorry I engaged

I really hope you aren’t trying to make him feel guilty saying the kids are upset…. You are the one that decided to split and you’ve been ok him being homeless so yes he is being clinical as you have been a CF for too long. He has been a saint and a pushover for too long and he’s had enough

Did you really expect him to keep paying for you to be homer so you can party

What makes you selfish? Apart from the fact that you have posted almost 100 times about trying to get more money/an indefinite stay in a house you cannot afford while your ex sofa surfs? That you left him because, essentially, he wasn’t fun enough for you, but he should bend over backwards to ensure your lifestyle doesn’t change? And then you have the audacity to say he’s the one putting challenges in your way?

No, love. You’re the one giving yourself obstacles. Your friends are giving you false hope by telling you what you want to hear, and you seem to be ignoring the advice from people who have either been through a similar situation themselves, or have seen family members going through it, because it doesn’t fit your narrative.

‘Civil’? He’s probably trying to be amicable through gritted teeth. What seems to you like ‘new challenges’ is simply him putting down some boundaries and moving things forward which is what the children need.

YOU left him, so enough of the self-pity, frankly. You are not a victim.

God @brookgreenmum its like hanging my head against a brick wall trying to get through to you.

YOU are the one who decided to leave him. I think he’s been unbelievably dignified and more than fair to you by leaving the home he purchased with his deposit so that you can live in it whilst he sofas surfs.

He has had the patience of a saint dealing with your insanely selfish and quite frankly stupid attitude towards all of this and it sounds like he’s now getting impatient and wants this all sorted so he can rightly so have a place to call a home again.

You are living with your head in the clouds and it’s so frustrating to read. His previous offers have been above and beyond fair to you given all the information and facts and you didn’t take any of them.

Be prepared to walk always with a lot less than he first offered and with very good reason.

You dumped him for basically being boring. I bet he looks a whole lot more exciting now that he's obviously getting proper advice and standing up to you!

You're only going to lose in this "negotiation" and the longer you drag this on the more you will lose.

So none of them are divorced? Hmmm.

And you have not been financially obsessed and mercenary?

Hmm

You ever think this may be because you dumped him for being boring, kicked him out of his own house (which he is still paying the lions share of while having to fund somewhere else to stay), and expect him to still continue to fund you to continue living your current lifestyle?

Because let's be clear he's the one having to give here, what are you giving up? He's been kicked out of his house. He's losing time with his kids. Hes still paying lions share. Even if you went with new offer of him buying you out and you paying rent you're not going to be paying him market rate, you want to pay massively reduced rate so he is still massively subsidising you. You're not compromising at all. You will only accept living beyond your means with someone else picking up the tab - someone you just hurt breaking up with them.

After 2 months of you not listening to anyone here, I have to wonder whether you are hearing what you want to hear from them rather than them telling you what you want to hear.

Your friends are married. You are not.

In a divorce, what they are entitled to has nothing to do with what you are entitled to, so their experiences and advice are irrelevant.

You are not going to get the same split as a married woman because you are not legally married. A marriage contract is more than a "piece of paper." I wish women would realize this before having children.

No amount of twisting and turning is going to put you legally on the same footing as a wife. You dumped your roommate, basically, and you need to stand on your own two feet. He was being extremely generous but I would not blame him if he withdrew that offer.

Someone mentioned the difference between the Equity and the original deposit - surely that's the same thing? Only in court he may be able to argue that he takes that back too?

Yes OP as mentioned very early on this thread, if he goes to court, they may agree he gets his deposit back first out of any equity then what’s left is split 50/50 (or whatever percentages are agreed).

This is why at the start of the thread posters were telling you to say yes to his 40% equity lump sum buy out + flat rental deposit help.

because he could get a lot more money than he offered you and if you pushed it to solicitors and court you could end up with less than his initial offer not more.

(It does feel like very slowly you are realising we weren’t all lying to you)

And don’t forget that going to court means legal fees - you said it yourself in your first post that ‘according to advice’ it could cost you £15k… a phone call costing you £250 plus VAT probably doesn’t sound so expensive in comparison…

Gosh if only global warming was as slow as OP is at realising we weren’t lying, the world would be a much safer place.

The deposit is the original cash put down to buy the property the rest of the purchase price made up by the mortgage. When someone comes to sell the property may have increased in value so the equity is again the difference between the outstanding mortgage and the sale price- some of this equity is the original cash deposit, some of the equity arises because some of the mortgage has been paid off, and some of the equity will be down to the increase in the price of houses during the ownership. Hope that helps Op if not I can give you an example.

I've started to imagine that the OP is a prototype AI for unmarried mothers, because it's taking so long.

Either that or her friends are enjoying the drama but with no skin in the game, feel free to tell her what she wants to hear.

@Thistooshallpsss

I feel the Op will need an example.

I think AI is way past this point!

Re equity and deposit -
AN EXAMPLE not the op's figures

Say you bought a house priced 150,000
He put up 10% as a deposit - 15,000
You have a mortgage for 135,000
You own the property jointly so effectively he has given you the benefit of half of the deposit due to your ongoing relationship. But actually it's his and remains his.

10 years later you split and the property is no longer jointly held.
It's now worth 385,000 and you've also paid off £50 grand of the original debt. The outstanding loan is 85,000.

So the equity in the property is £300,000.

However you both only have this increased equity because he put up the first 15 grand.

So in sorting a split he gets £15 grand PLUS half the remainder = 142,500

You just get 142,500

I think the op has talked about 50% of equity in her case being about one hundred grand. But if he put up say 40 grand as deposit and that's deducted then the very most she'll get is 80 grand. And he would have 40 + 80.

Did you forget to do a name change?

Excuse me? What's all this nonsense about being fake/AI/wind up - I'm just looking to navigate my way through this problem and most people on here are being pretty horrible.

Because you've not listened to any of us, you've made out that you've received legal advice when it's pretty obvious that you haven't, you're being pretty dim and refusing to accept that there are consequences to not getting married.

Oh, you also want the moon on a stick.

Your ex partner has recieved legal advice and he's doing what he is legally entitled to do, meanwhile you're just standing there sayng he can't do that can he?

Your friends were married, their situation has absolutely no bearing on your situation at all.

Wake up and smell the coffee.