Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I no longer believe this is a real person.

Neither do I

I bet he's going to go for 65% to include his deposit. Oh dear op. Bit fucked now.

He was SO reasonable with you and you had the chance to walk away with the best deal possible. It is sounding like he’s taking that off the table and it’s all self inflicted by you OP.

Sorry but how is this even possible, does the severac give him an additional edge?

Have you asked your solicitor ? what did s/he say...

Too much to read all the way through again, i gave a suggestion at the beginning. However, if you are not aware do not trust mediation to be fair or just. Or to even understand the issues. They just want a result. No matter how unfair that result is.

Before my mediation I asked if we should prepare anything, told no. I did anyway. In mediation she got out a flip chart and wanted us to go through things at the level of who got the telly.

We had lived apart for 5 years and the issues were totally financial. Wanted me to spend money on a surveyor to value the house ... It's in an Edwardian terrace, easy to get value from any estate agent free. Also wanted me to spend hundreds on valuing pensions. Nice friendly chat with HR gave me an accurate formula.

We reached agreement. Seems ex phoned them as we left the building to ask if it was binding, they said no so he said he wasn't going ahead with it.

Oh my sweet summer child.

It's becoming exceeding obvious that you haven't received any legal advice.

We didn't approach the subject of severing the tenancy. I suppose because I didn't ask as I had no idea?

Why on earth would you not have contacted them as soon as he mentioned this to you?!!! First thing tomorrow, call your solicitor and explain what has happened.

but...surely this occurred to your solicitor ? I am pretty sure s/he was well aware of the possibility.

Because that'll probably be £250+vat for something that may not necessarily be on the table.

So you have a cheap shit solicitor... Everyone has been saying you have a shit solicitor.

Which is why the Op has relied so much on Mumsnet !

shame she never took the advice given over and over and over - which was to accept his offer with both hands and run fast before he changed his mind...

It's on the table. He can absolutely do that. You do not have to agree.

And probably good to remember that because you aren't married the share was 50% of EQUITY , if his deposit is deducted first (as it should be) that's going to give you a lot less than he first offered isn't it?

What are relations with him like now? It would be in your interests to get him round for a cuppa and agree the first deal he offered quick! Otherwise the legal bills and more importantly the stress on you both is just going up from here

I’ve started dreading opening this thread and reading the op’s new posts. I really feel for the other side who must be going insane.

But it clearly is on the table, because he brought it up. £250+ VAT may sound a lot, but when it could save you thousands?!

You asked on here what it meant, posters told you, and yet you still haven’t taken any advice on board. You need to start taking the situation seriously - you’re not going to be able to float along in your little world, living in the family home with your ex paying the bills, for much longer.

Hopefully the long-suffering ex has got good legal advice and will play hardball now. It's all the OP deserves.

Your responses seem.. off OP, like you're completely detached from the situation and just assume it will all work out.

Are you taking on board ANY of the advice you've got here, and starting to realise how unreasonable you've been?!

A line from the Op's opening post:

' Friends tell me to fight! '

1. Are these friends married
2. If so do they realise the different implications between being married and not being married
3. Are these friends paying you legal bills so you can fight
4. Have you actually told your friends about all the free info and advice you have received on Mumsnet
5. What do your friends tell you to do now

Yes, most are married and yes most are telling me to stand my ground. Nobody is paying my legal bills. Though it does cross my mind that this may just be idle gossip to them OR they are just telling what I want to hear?

As I said already, totally dim

totally selfish

I truly hope you get your just desserts. Your poor ex, I expect he’s glad to be shot of you

This is not real

What makes me selfish exactly? He's been quite clinical about this and it's rather hurtful and the children are upset too. Yes, I may sound selfish but trying my best to work my life out, he's now putting new challenges in the way.

Good for him !

and the children are upset too - well it was you that ended the relationship so you need to step up and take responsibility for your choices / decisions and actions

and your greed

and as for him putting new challenges your way - wake up and smell the coffee ! you have 26 pages of us mainly advising you of the same thing.

It does seem fairly unlikely. Increasingly so with every wide eyed ‘but why?’ comment OP makes.