Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I've not influenced them, guess it is just a mother-child bond type of attachment. I don't want to live without them either.

In terms of the 18 year old, don't courts consider where they might live when back home from university? Technically we still support them.

No, courts don’t consider where the 18 year old will live in uni holidays. Your 18 year old will have a choice to house himself or a room at his dad’s.

But there does seem to be one thing you aren’t factoring in, maintenance. The rent might set you back £2.2k a month and you on the face of it would only have another £1k a month to live off (that’s pretty good to be fair) you’ll also get maintenance from your ex if they are with you more than 50% of the time.

your best bet might be agreeing to his split idea, taking the deposit for a rental and help for the first couple of months, get the dcs settled with you and agree maintenance that’s above the legal minimum.

Now I am convinced that this is a troll,
Good effort though @brookgreenmum you have had us all frothing

No trolling here. I'm just here as I I'm in a bit of a mess and don't know what to do.

The bills would probably be around £450 if I buy cheap broadband and 25% discount on council tax. From that food, fuel etc. The CMS cuts in half once the 17 year old finishes A-levels in summer 2026 assuming full payment. I could manage for a while, but I think I'm going to find a 2 bed on the larger side about £1900, perhaps where I can convert a downstairs room into a bedroom if needed.

I think it's really positive that you're looking at options other than staying in the house.

Your ex might be more generous on CM then legal minimum and that might be an area you can negotiate. You also might need to get him to agree uni support levels (eg the same amount as he’s cutting from your maintenance he’ll give direct to dc1)

If your eldest is living with you, you will not get 25% discount in council tax once they turn 18.

The 18 year old is an adult. They have a place to stay in uni accommodation. They're expected to be able to get a job to pay their own way. Your 18 year old could get a job and pay you rent.

You won’t get anything for your dc1 once they are 18 and out of school, but if you don’t go down the aggressive difficult route of having to be forced out, your exp might be more willing to pay more than necessary.

even if that’s paying directly to dc1 and you having to take rent for the holidays.

also make sure any agreement doesn’t rely on dc1 going straight from year 13 to uni, have an agreement of funding that will still happen if dc1 wants to take a year out first.

(do not rely on your exp just being generous, you are looking 2 -2.5years in the future if dc1 takes a year out and it’s not unreasonable to assume your exp would have a new partner by then.)

After reading this post, you are coming off worse and worse.
You want him to continue to pay your way, so you can socialize and party?
This is ridiculous and he is lucky that you broke it off.

It's a difficult pull actually as you may understand. The kids are really upset about potentially having to leave. I have some assurances that I'll get to stay still the end of the school year which will help.

But they don't have to leave? They can live there 50% of the time with your ex?!

Why are you so intent on rinsing this man for all you can rather than doing what is best for your children?!

I went back and re-read your posts to make sure I wasn’t imagining things… but you said a few weeks ago that your ex is currently moving between family member/friends - is this still the case? If so…. I’m not sure I have the right words…

You were the one who has chosen to separate, you are the one who has no financial claim over the property, he pays (at least) half of the cost of the property… yet he is the one relying on the kindness of other to provide a roof over his head?!! It may be that this is hitting a little close to home personally, but you really need to take a look at the bigger picture and start making plans to move out because it doesn’t sound to me like you have any intention of doing so. The kids can stay in the house with their father. You dragging it on until the end of the school year isn’t going to change things. Then it’ll be GCSE’s, or A levels, or something. Are you just hoping you can hold out until the youngest is 18? Then what? Cut your losses and allow everyone to move on rather than clinging on to the remnants of the life that you have decided you no longer want to have.

OP, it really feels like you are winding us up. I just can't even imagine the entitlement mentality. Are you winding the kids up, too? They CAN stay in their home, near their school, with their parent. The parent who didn't want to break up the family. The parent who owns the house. The parent who has made a very generous financial offer to the departing parent.

Do you have any objective insight whatsoever as to how unrealistic your choices and demands are?

OP - it might do you better to stress to the children they’ll spend 50% of the time with dad and 50% with you so they can keep their own bedrooms in this house as it’ll be dads house and then have space with you in yours. Because if your new home is smaller with less storage space, the bulk of their stuff will probably stay with dad.

when dcs go to uni etc, the stuff they don’t take can stay with dad, you won’t have to continue to rent a slightly too big place to work as storage for them.

Even if they end up spending more than 50% of the time at yours, this way you set the expectation that they aren’t having to move out. They just bring what they need with them, and winter coats can summer at your ex’s, shorts and sun hats spend Christmas at his. If you are going smaller, him staying in the house works for you.

Do your children understand that it's your choices that could lead to them having to leave their home?

I'm not sure about all the hate.

HE is open to letting us stay on till July, or rather, me - the kids can stay indefinitely. That is, if I agree to sell up to him on his offer. He is a bit annoyed that he'll never recover his deposit which he saved and did say he'd try and recover this if we went to court which would be devastating for me,. though I doubt he'd succeed as we are joint tenants so should be somewhere near 50/50.

You should be open to moving out before July, and let him move back in to the house he has paid for!

If he can evidence he has been financially responsible for the property, and has moved out to allow you to stay there for as long as he has, a sympathetic judge on the right day may very well look favourably at his request. You certainly will not be getting any more than 50% (which you seem(ed) to think you’re entitled to…) Why on earth wouldn’t you agree to sell to him, you’d get the same money if you sold to someone else? Other than a tit-for-tat ‘if I can’t live here neither can you’ scenario, I can’t see why you’d refuse his offer.

But if it goes ro court you'd be out in the time it takes for a sale to go through...

@brookgreenmum bite his hand off for the offer to stay until July.

Litigation is so expensive - assuming he is contributing towards cost of the house then use the time to save. I explained in my previous post that going to court could mean he ends up with more and will certainly ensure you are both fighting over a decreasing pot.

Look forwards not backwards now.

You could be in for a rude awakening.

Yes, without going to court you are entitled to 50% upon sale. That's the default. But by taking it to court you are effectively saying you disagree with the contract (that you both sell now and split 50/50 or alternative offer arranged amicably between the two of you) and you want them to set aside that decision to sell now and take 50% of proceeds and for the courts decide a new split on what they see is fair. Your proposal will be no sale now and 50% in a couple of years. His proposal is sell now and he takes a his deposit first then you split rest 50/50.

As it has been pointed out they do look at contributions. Someone owning 0% of a house can go to court after paying mortgage and renovations and be awarded equity for that.

So yes, if you decide to go to court they can and do have the power to set aside the 50/50 ownership as unfair because he paid deposit. Especially against your arguement that you and your single under 18 child MUST stay in a 4 bedroom detached house you can't afford mortgage and bills on. That plus legal fees are what you're risking. You could end up with nothing in the end.

He is being reasonable. You are not. Take his offer of moving out by July and your 50% less the equivalent of selling fees.

With each update you sound more and more awful OP. Seriously, have you no shame??

Why do you think he should be putting himself out to kowtow to such unreasonable demands?? Honestly, why do you think you deserve this from him?!

Thread: this is the situation. This is your best offer.

OP: stop being mean to me by telling the truth.

Right O.

I'm a little worried he is going to try and claim some of the deposit back, leaving me less. I suppose if I refuse only court is the answer but this quite unfair as it would take a good chunk of my share.