Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

Thanks, this is very clear.

If he approaches the courts to force the sale, does it automatically fall under Tolata?

And they definitely do not even consider minors or the ability to house for the other joint owner?

Thanks.

They consider minors however your DC are not young you also have a very very good salary so will be expected to house yourself. Hopefully you’ve been saving since starting this thread

Please get 2nd legal advice as I think this one is seeing you as someone to finance their next BMW

The salary is good, but I do live in one of the most expensive parts of the UK, £2200 to rent a 3 bed semi.

The solicitor mentioned claiming under the children act in parallel,.but this also expensive and doubles the cost of two separate legal cases.

Let's pretend you don't have children, why do you think you are entitled to more ?
He is already being generous, and you even admit you didn't pay the deposit or the mortgage.

The Children Act 2004 ?

oh dear, now even your solicitor is clutching at straws.

how much are you paying him/her per hour ?

Considering you're legally entitled to 0%, you should bite his hand off at the 42%.

You are most certainly not going to get more than that going to court, and you'll lose half of it in legal fees.

And they definitely do not even consider minors or the ability to house for the other joint owner?

and

The salary is good, but I do live in one of the most expensive parts of the UK, £2200 to rent a 3 bed semi.

You absolutely have the ability to house yourself.

You will absolutely not be in a 3-bed semi, what on earth are you playing at? You will likely be in a 2-bed flat, where the children can visit you and share a room. Most people in the country do not live in a 3-bed semi, you are not entitled to this!

You will need to cut your cloth to suit your measure.

50k will rent you a suitable place to live. I have no idea why you think your ex boyfriend or the state would fund a 3-bed semi lifestyle.

I doubt OP has taken legal advice, she's just seeing what will stick to the wall.

Honestly OP I am concerned your solicitor is just saying what you want to hear.

If your ex goes to court to force a sale, it will fall under TOLATA 1996, which deals with property disputes between unmarried people.

The court’s focus will be on legal ownership and financial contributions, not welfare or broader needs. Since you earn 50k a year and can afford to rent, and the children’s father is willing to house them full-time in the property after buying you out, the court is unlikely to delay a sale based on your housing situation.

Given the children’s ages (17 and 15), the court may feel that their housing needs are adequately addressed by their father’s proposal. As such, your financial independence and his willingness to care for the children in the home will weigh against any argument to postpone the sale.

It’s also worth considering that if this goes to court, he could argue for a larger share of the equity based on his sole contributions to the deposit and mortgage. This could reduce what you ultimately receive.

Reaching an agreement now, without the added costs and risks of court, is likely to leave you in a better position now. The one bargaining chip in your favour is that litigation is expensive so you could have a decent chance of negotiations the 42% on offer to 50%.

I would advise asking for this in mediation personally as you are more likely to get an agreement. If you have this and he agrees to help with the first months rent you could be in a much better position than you would be by potentially gambling away your equity share.

The solicitor mentioned claiming under the children act in parallel,.but this also expensive and doubles the cost of two separate legal cases.

kindly op think about it logically. This isn’t a personal injury ‘no win, no fee’ solicitor. Those solicitors usually decline cases that they know they’re unlikely to win. They’re not going to put in the work, knowing there’s very little chance of being paid at the end of it. You are paying your solicitor for their time. The longer this goes on, and the more cases you want to file, the more your solicitor is charging you. It is almost irrelevant to the solicitor the final outcome, they get paid the same regardless. At this point you are basically saying ‘what else can I pay you for’.

When my friend was divorcing her husband, he had his solicitor send at least three letters, demanding the most ridiculous things (cease giving a multivitamin was one of them.) His solicitor sent them, because he was paid to do it. The judge called them ‘fish shop paper’, and made the ex pay a portion of my friend’s legal fees, for the unnecessary financial strain he had caused her.

Why do you need a 3 bed semi? Many people don't have that!

You could probably get a 2 bed flat or terrace much cheaper, and one of your children will soon be over 18.

Are you still here?

Listen. If you don't have anything useful to say, the door is over there on the left hand corner, marked 'x'. Perhaps turn the heating on and go and annoy people on the AIBU thread.

Cheerio.

Have you considered that you could apply under tolata, be told he put more in so you now only get 25% of the house rather than 50%, and the children's act goes to court and he says "well I'll keep them full time in the family home" especially now he needs less mortgage as you've handed him an extra 25% equity and the decision is made that the children are adequately housed in the house with him?

You'd be down 25% of your equity and probably have spent all of it on legal bills.

Also children's act for adequately housed will not be a 3 bed semi. A 2 bed flat would be considered adequate most likely. Your solicitor comes out of this very well though.

This is poster is simply stating facts. You have a 17-year-old who will be considered an adult once they turn 18 and therefore you only need to house yourself and your 14-year-old.

I've said this before, irregardless of the fact he may end up with a nice house and loves them, they do not want to live we with him. They get on very well etc but have stated in no uncertain terms that they will live with me and will not split either, it's either both with one parent or the other. Despite how some may portray me on here, I am a good mother. Exploring what could be done is nothing to do with me, I just want to make sure they grow up in a comfortable environment, that's all.

Thankyou.

And the courts will decide that you're adequately housed in a 2 bed flat.

If the kids are same sex they would be expected to share a room in a 2 bed flat. However that isn't even an issue here as your eldest will turn 18 before it reaches court. They will not be considered as they're an adult. They will only consider you and the 14yo. So in a 2 bed flat you have one room, 14 yo has the other.

But a 2-bed flat is a suitable, comfortable environment for the three of you. How do you think the world works? Don't you think there are lots of people who would prefer to live in a 3-bed semi, but can't afford it (like you)?

I don't live in a 3 bed semi, it's a 4 bed detached.

of course it's a 4 bed detached, and you've not paid a single penny towards it !
but expect half or even more...

there are 3 bed flats available to rent you know - if you can afford the rent.

btw i missed how much per hour you are paying your solicitor, did you choose one that specialises in property law ?

🤦‍♀️

no one is saying you currently live in a three bed semi - they’re saying that you don’t even need to move to a property of that size to suitably accommodate you and your children. It might not be your first choice, but a two bed flat would work, and that’s all that the courts would be interested in.

I get it, you’re used to your four bedroom detached… but that’s not the lifestyle you have anymore and you have to face up to that.

You sound very much like a former family member who also made the decision to separate then tried to force everybody else around them to bend over backwards so their life wasn’t affected. Needless to say, any sympathy for this was (very) short lived.

The more you post the more I’m convinced this is a wind up post.

I’m struggling to believe that someone could actually be that self entitled, delusional and down right dim.

They can be adequately housed without everyone having a separate bedroom. The elderly couple who used to live next to me raised two boys through and beyond uni and they shared a small bedroom with single beds and a desk. They survived. As others have pointed out, a court would not consider your 18+ child so all you need is a two-bed with a sofa bed in the lounge.

You don't get to commandeer someone else's private property just because you jointly produced offspring. Legally your ex-boyfriend is as unrelated to you as any passerby on the street. You have a good income and the offspring are nearly adults.

I am just stumped as to why you would waste (a lot of) money on legal fees when there is basically zero chance you will achieve the outcome you seek. And what's so bad about living in a flat with your kids for a few years, if they want to live with you so badly? Millions do. Billions around the globe have far less. No one is guaranteed that their lifestyle will never change.

I am referring to your post where you complained that you would need £2,200 per month to rent a 3-bed semi-detached house.

You won't be renting a 3-bed semi-detached house. You have plenty to cover renting a 2-bed flat.

Why on earth do you think you are entitled to a 3-bed semi-detached house?

I've said this before, irregardless of the fact he may end up with a nice house and loves them, they do not want to live we with him. They get on very well etc but have stated in no uncertain terms that they will live with me and will not split either

How much have you encouraged them to say this?
He loves them, they love him. They can choose between their old home and dad, or a small place with you where they may need to share a bedroom. Or I guess they can do 50/50.

What they don't get to choose is to live with you in their dad's house.