Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

I don't understand, we jointly own the house, he has (and will again I assume) make an offer in mediation? Unless this isn't the space to do it?

So if he offers 50% minus costs, will you take it?

You have incredibly thick skin , I'll say that.

and you will be in shit street when he reduces his very generous offer.

When will you realise you are unmarried ?

you will be grabbing the 50% offer minus costs and expenditure involved.

and crying that you didn't get the offer of the first month's rent paid along with the deposit

oh yes and the removal costs.

How much has your solicitor cost you to date...

If only the two of you had chosen to have a 15 min marriage ceremony...

If you're not married then if he offers 50% or the house equity that's a reasonable offer.

If he offers more than 50% that's very reasonable of him.

I suspect the mediator is going to have quite a job with you! What's the point in going ahead? You've already had a better offer than you are entitled to and you won't take it, it's all downhill from here. Remember you've got to pay for the mediation.

Hi Op,

If the dispute goes to court, evidence that one party was willing to mediate while the other refused can be presented, which might influence the court's perception of reasonableness.

If you want this to work and not end up frittering away your entire equity share on legal fees I advice you to go into this in good faith with a willingness to compromise.

The facts are:
You will not be able to stay in the house with him paying 50%.
You can not afford to stay without him
contributing.
Whether your children lose the family home is up to you.
You might have a chance of negotiating a slightly better share but this would be in the region of 90k rather than 80k

OP - why are you going to use a mediator ? What do you hope to achieve?

have you a) seen a solicitor about what you are likely to get if you go to court vs what he’s offering and rough ideas of court route costs? and b) have you got the house valued yourself, not just taken his word for it what you’d likely get for the house? (And so what your share would be.)

Do not go into mediation where you are going to try to fight for more money / stay in the house for 4 years with him paying for it, without having any legal advice first. (And MN doesn’t count, go see a solicitor.)

OP, whatever you do PLEASE come back and update us!!!

Well, the other option is to go to court. At least mediation will be somewhere we can discuss things constructively?

Solicitors have said it'll go via tolata which is quite expensive and lengthy and you need to have proven other methods we tried first. The situation isn't complicated I guess so the court will just decide on a split which may go in my favour or postpone a sale for a while.

You did inform the solicitor that you are not married - didn't you.

as why would a split go in your favour ?

He is already offering you 50/50 minus expenses

then he is offering the 1st months rental the deposit and the removal costs

so you are already being offered more than you are due !

How will a split go in your favour?

Op
Kindly no judge is going to award you more than be offering. You are just throwing money away here. There is no chance a solicitor told you that there was. Unmarried in uK means it was a joint asset that needs to be split 50.50z plus maintenance as a separate issue.

It is not 50% he is offering about 42% of the equity as that is what we'd get if we sold up fully after mortgage penalties, estate agents, solicitors and preparation work to tidy bits up. He wants a buy out.

and that is exactly what I wrote

'He is already offering you 50/50 minus expenses'

but you forgot to state what the solicitor said when you informed him/her that you are not, and never have been, married to this person

She knows that. Under tolata the children's welfare is considered.

and there is no reason, no reason at all why the children cannot live in the home with their father !

and be careful, in one year or even less one of these children will be an...
adult !

OP, I'm sorry but your solicitor is taking you for a very expensive ride.

Your kids can stay in their home, with their loving father, plus they are close to adulthood. They are in no jeopardy whatsoever. Tolata will not apply.

Your ex boyfriend made a very generous offer. No court is going to top that.

You seem to think that having given birth gives you special rights and privileges. That's not how it works.

Please keep us updated OP as I think in a few months you'll be in for a very nasty shock.

You’re being greedy and you’re going to be in for a shock.

You’ve had plenty of advice telling you to take his very generous offer and run but no you just couldn’t help yourself.

OP I am not sure what your solicitor’s strategy is but it is going to be expensive for you

As your ex has paid the entire deposit and mortgage and I assume can provide evidence of this fact, significantly weakens your claim for more than 50% equity - courts under TOLATA focus on legal ownership and financial contributions, not fairness or needs.

While you might argue for a delay in the sale due to the children, at 17 and 15, the court is unlikely to see this as compelling, particularly given their near-independence.

TOLATA proceedings are expensive, lengthy, and purely focused on property law.

Refusing his offer without clear evidence of financial contributions could lead to adverse cost orders, meaning you could end up paying part of his legal fees.

This, combined with your own legal costs and the time involved, could leave you with less than if you accepted his offer now.

Negotiation or mediation could save significant time, stress, and money while leaving you with a comparable or better financial outcome.

There is also the risk that the more acrimonious you make this the more likely your ex might be less generous.

Under TOLATA, the court will look at financial contributions to determine ownership. If he can demonstrate that he has been the sole financial provider for the property, he could argue that a 50/50 split is unfair and that he is entitled to a larger share.
Even in joint ownership cases, evidence of unequal contributions can justify a departure from an equal split. If he pursues this argument and the court agrees, you could end up with significantly less than 50% equity.

Given this risk, refusing his current offer without clear legal or financial justification could not only harm your position but also increase your legal costs if he successfully argues for a greater share.

Negotiating now could protect your financial outcome and avoid protracted litigation.

Given these factors, it's worth considering whether litigation is a practical option.

I suspect the solicitor was as exasperated with the OP as we are.
Well crack on love, it's your own money you are pissing away.

But you need to remember the kids are 17 and 15 not 5 and 3