Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

Did you not think this through before you chose to split at all?

“He has 6 figure savings, which I find is unfair as he was able to do that and I couldn't. I know we are unmarried, but wouldn't a court take that into account for affordability?”

NO BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T MARRIED.

Are you always this obtuse? He also can’t claim your pension. You are an adult and will be expected to be the sole provider whilst the children live with you. End of.

No OP, the court don’t take any of his savings into account because you’re not married!

I thought it'd be ok as I have the children, I knew there would be some upheaval in terms of loving comfortably. I also did not expect my ex wanting to dissolve the house so soon.

Why wouldn't he? He's currently sofa surfing but hopefully his solicitor will advise him to move back in.

No they eont
as you’ve been told over and ove

in the same way be can’t aim
pension in your name

you have a joint house. Which as joint tenants you are each entitled to 50% of equity ( less costs and fees)

that’s it. Plus cms

Of course he wants it sorted and his share of money. YOU dumped him. So now he wants somewhere suitable to live! That is not unreasonable. And he does not need to pay your share of mortgage /bills!

you are outrageous

where do you expect him to live while you have the house that he pays for ??

Five weeks and over 500 posts of everyone telling you the exact same thing.

You either need to accept it or try to win the poor man back. Please don’t do that to him by the way, he doesn’t deserve it.

He's been homeless for 6 months. He's not moving fast! Did you think about him at all when you decided this? Ok so you thought you would be blessed with the home cos you are the Mother but what did you think he would do?

Also, you said you don’t believe in marriage. It’s not a phoenix or a unicorn. It has a very powerful legal benefit. With the benefit of hindsight would you still maintain your position?

I thought it'd be ok as I have the children

You both have the children.

Of course he does! He needs somewhere to live!

Some solicitor is going to make an absolute fortune from OP! She’s going to choose someone who will explain what she’s legally entitled to (ie 50% of net house sales) one time and then never mention it again as that’s going to interfere with her version of what is fair. They’ll fire off letters at £250 a pop even though they know there’s no legal basis for what she’s demanding and that a court will side with the STBEXDP. They’ll make the path to court as easy as possible even though they know she’ll fail just so they get as much out of her as they can.

So YOU dumped HIM and now he’s the one who’s been sofa surfing and living out of a suitcase all whilst paying for the house you’re in and you think you’re being hard done by?

He has been extremely patient and reasonable with you and it is completely understandable that he wants this all sorted so he can move on with his life.

And to correct your statement…..you both have children not just you.

This entire thread is the OP saying "But I thought.......". With all of MN saying "Nope, you weren't married to him....."

Christ on a bike OP there's no loophole you're going to find hashing it out here. Don't you think it would have been found before now if there was?

Marriage isn't just a big party afterall eh!

What did you expect? That he is going to pay for his own accommodation and let you live in your house for free while he is paying for your mortgage and child's maintenance?

You are very naive and to be honest it's embarrassing to read.

Go get your 30 mins free solicitors consultation and then start sorting out your life. You are an adult. Be an example for your children.

But at the time of the split surely you both had the children? They can still stay in the family home with a parent who they have grown up living with.

You had a relationship in which you decided not to get married and pool your resources. You both made the decision to divide the income the way you did, with him paying for certain things and saving, and you paying for other things and investing in a pension.

The past and the setup you agreed on has zero impact on your current situation. He has no entitlement to your pension and you have no entitlement to any assets in his name.

The ONLY relevant bit is that you both own the house 50:50 and that is your entitlement. Nothing else has any relevance whatsoever. Not in court or anywhere else.

It’s a harsh reality but you do need to wake up, for the sake of your children.

You seem to think that having given birth gives you some sort of extra legal rights. That is incorrect. And your kids aren't little, even the youngest doesn't need a parent around at all times.

You really need to move on from the notion that being a mother gives you additional legal rights over an unrelated person's property. The fact that your offspring share DNA does not give you any rights over your ex-boyfriend's personal property. For all practical purposes you were a lodger all these years, and he might as well be a stranger standing next to you in Lidl for all the rights you have to his stuff. You are not a common-law wife and no amount of wishful thinking is going to change that.

His offer under these circumstances is very generous and you should be snatching at it, not researching niche laws or god forbid hinting that you'd raise the spectre of domestic violence to give yourself an edge. That latter thought is just despicable.

Oh OP, you aren’t the first and I’m sure not the last woman who thought marriage as just a party and having dcs was a good legal protection and that “common law wife” was a thing.

It’s a pity you didn’t start a thread or do any research when making your decisions to split, but from what you’ve said, you probably would have left him anyway.

theres no way you stay in the house long term, you can waste money and you can drag this out for a few months, but either the house is sold and you both move into new properties or just you move into a new place and your dcs have a more stable experience while you get settled, they can spend time with dad while you get yourself sorted.

But tasks for tomorrow - estate agent to get a valuation, solicitor to check what you’ve been told here.

Well mediation is going ahead. An assessment for both of us individually to see if suitable in the next two weeks or so.

Genuine question, I'm expecting him to make a similar offer as he has informally, what does the mediator do? I'm assuming no advice is given. My worry is if he comes in with a much lower offer now and we fail to agree is the next step court? Will he be able to use my refusal of offers in mediation against me?

Thankyou.

Did you ever actually go and get proper legal advice? i.e. not the mumsnet hive mind.

Oh god you’re still perusing this nonsense

It’s not about offers. You are not married

fgs you are impossible

You are utterly delusional.