Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

But you aren't married. ^
^
The fact that you had a domestic and sexual relationship with him has no more legal bearing than if you were neighbours or people who happened to frequent the same pub. Legally you have no more rights to his property than I do.
^
Bearing his children is irrelevant. Totally irrelevant.^

You seem determined to not understand that.

The law doesn't care about sentiment or romance or what people think they should be entitled to. If you want the protection of a married woman, don't scoff and sneer at marriage. Get married.

The reality is OP even in marriages the starting point is 50/50 and there would be no guarantee of a higher settlement.

You aren’t married and so have none of the protections of it. Legally you are joint owners and that is all that matters.

A court could very easily look at this and decide that he paid the deposit and the mortgage, and so he should be entitled to the equity. As you are not married, they can effectively treat you as strangers who happen to own property together.

If you were married, your pension would also be included in the division of assets. Which ever way you look at it, he is offering you a very fair deal.

Of course your standard of living is going to be lower, but that's the inevitable result of splitting up.

I'm just looking at all possible routes. I may not have paid out in the same way but I did bear the children, take time out from my career to have them, went to reduced hours etc which has had an impact. I have caught up a little from an earnings perspective, but it's taken about 8 years.

I really do understand, and I know you’re sick of hearing it / the ship has long sailed, but the ‘route’ to getting the protection in the circumstances you describe, is marriage.

Without the legal contractual agreement that marriage provides, what you sacrificed /gave up is unfortunately irrelevant. The marriage contract means that legally all assets are shared. Both parties sign that contract, (in theory) knowing that to be case, and agreeing to those terms. You and your partner chose not to sign that contract, neither of you agreed to be bound by the terms. They can’t be forced on either of you now.

I know it feels unfair, because you’ve lived in exactly the same way as you would have if you’d married. But this is where you are. It sounds as though you have a chance at a really decent co-parenting relationship. I really wouldn’t throw that away (along with potentially thousands in legal fees) on a hiding to nothing.

Isn't Family Court for child care arrangements etc. ?

Not for deciding who gets what % of a house !

Good grief ! YOU need to engage a solicitor and pay, and realise the legal bill is yours ! if you do not accept his offer.

Don’t give her ideas…

Save yourselves the time and money. Look for a nice place you can afford and accept 50 50 custody.

I'm not getting ideas, but does DV just get you free legal help? That's just crazy, surely other situations warrant help?

Help in what way??

Adults are responsible for their own outcomes. You are not a victim. You are an adult woman who had agency and who is experiencing the logical and predictable consequences of her own lifelong choices. Just like the rest of us.

Why do you continue to try to find victim hood in that? You are not owed anything y anyone. Nor are most of us.

The way to get the rights of a married woman is to be married. You eschewed that. So be it, you can't retroactively change things because the consequences don't suit you.

Save your money and move on. Or try to win back Mr Boring. You can't have it both ways.

This is a wind-up now, right??

You are giving women a bad name, married or not. I'm embarrassed for you, the manipulation and greed seeps out of your posts.

You want to stay in the house he mainly provided for, with him still paying, whilst you get to spend the bulk of your £50k salary on what, "extroverted" nights out and cocktails? A new wardrobe?

You're absolutely taking the piss and your "boring" ex should take you to the cleaners.

This. Honestly you’re an MRA’s dream with the kind of entitled crap you’re coming out with. Even if you were married the preferred starting point in a split these days is 50/50. Your pisstaking knows no bounds, why do you think you’re entitled to “help”? Pay your own way and stop freeloading off your overly generous ex (who is being a mug to even entertain this).

I think OP is a troll. No way this is real.

Yes other situations warrant help but definitely not yours.

you earn a very good wage and you’re not being conned or cheated out of anything. You’re being offered a very generous and fair settlement for the house.

i honestly think this may be a wind up thread now. I don’t see how someone could be so self centered, greedy, and small minded.

Yes there are other situations where people are able to receive legal aid. They don’t apply here though.
It’s also not the case that dv automatically entitles thou to legal aid. My friend had years of evidence that she was abused. (Drs, midwife, health visitor, a counsellor she was seeing, police reports, her ex even served a prison sentence.) She wasn’t entitled to legal aid, because she earns too much. It’s like any other tax payer funded benefit, there’s not enough money to give it to everyone.

Legal aid is there to protect the more vulnerable which is not you. I am done trying to help though as your entitlement is off the scale.

I'm not here trying to wind people up. From a financial perspective the set up was/is like this:

Me: Food shopping, personal expenses,(car, fuel, mobile, clothes, personal items, etc), the bulk of kids activities (piano, dance, sport etc), 60-70% of clothing including uniforms. Holidays/days out where partner wasn't involved. I have the large car so this was used in the main for family trips, all the cars expenses paid by me. All of this took up around 90% of my take home.

Him: Mortgage, bills, large expenses, family holidays, house maintenance, his car, mobile etc, some of the kids clothes, kids mobile contracts, school trips, school meals, kids eyecare, kids dental (braces, retainers etc). About 60-70% of his take home (obviously varies) the rest is saved.

The way we are geared means at the moment making me pay the mortgage is impossible, there is a lot of unwinding and unpicking to do and I'll be in a real pickle housing wise.

He has 6 figure savings, which I find is unfair as he was able to do that and I couldn't. I know we are unmarried, but wouldn't a court take that into account for affordability?

As yes, it was my decision and weather or not it was the right decision isn't the point here. He is a decent human but was hard to live with at times and made me and the kids miserable on occasions.

Zzzzz

No OP you aren’t married so you don’t have a claim on his savings. He also doesn’t have a claim on your pension (which if you were married he would.)

literally you only have a claim on half the equity in the house. He might be able to go to court and get the deposit back out of the equity and then half of what’s left split, but he’s not doing that so you are probably better off than you could be.

if the dcs are with you the majority of the time he will have to pay child support, if it’s 50/50 then he won’t and if he has them the majority of the time you’d have to pay child support even if he earns more/has more savings. (however he might not claim that.)

Given you can’t force him to give you the house and you can’t afford to pay the mortgage on your own if he agreed to delay the sale until your youngest is 18- then you will have to stop living in that house. not sure why him living in the house would not be the best for your dcs.

Basically if this is not a wind up, you need to a) get the house valued and ask an estate agent to be honest about what you could get if you need a relatively quick sale and b) book to see a solicitor to see what they think.

it’s January now, you need to get this sorted quickly. You also need to accept he’s entitled to move back in if he wants. Be prepared for him to do this, and a solicitor might advise him to do it if you are dragging your feet about making plans to move on.

He has 6 figure savings, which I find is unfair as he was able to do that and I couldn't. I know we are unmarried, but wouldn't a court take that into account for affordability?

No because you aren’t married. I know that it’s hard for you to accept, but that’s it. When you marry, you sign a contract to say you’ll share those assets. You and your partner chose not to sign that contract, so those assets remain solely his (as your pension remains yours). A court can’t now force him
to share them with you, because he never legally agreed to.

And the problem with saying I paid for xyz is you both ‘helped’ each other in this sense. You were able to pay for the big family car, because he was paying for the mortgage. He was able to pay for family holidays because you paid for the food shop. Separate, both of your lifestyles (and those of your children) would have been ‘less’.

Oh for goodness sake !

wake up give your head a big wobble

you are not / were not married to the father of your children !!!

his savings remain his savings his pension/s remain his pensions etc etc etc

and you know why...

it's all down to one simple piece of paper and a 20 min ceremony - a marriage and a marriage certificate.

the more and more you go on asking the more it makes you look really dim and / or greedy / grasping

off you go pay for legal advice - hundreds btw which will leave into thousands and will get the same outcome

I guess you do have money to waste ?

or accept his offer - it's fair it's more than reasonable and you will probably find it is legal...

OP- yes, his offer is fine (if not generous both financially and practically for you)

Fact- you have lost the house you are in. You cannot afford it.
Do not be spiteful and make your children lose their family home. It will turn them and your ex against you. You sound like you don’t care about your children, which I’m sure isn’t true but you very much are not acting in their best interests at the moment

and

hopefully he will pay child maintenance without you having to go through CMS - if he is a decent person he will give it voluntarily and willingly and not be mean towards the children...

if the children are lucky he will pay it until the children have finished higher and further education and not just the age of 18 - now that is doable !

Yes, the courts do take the fact that he has 6 figure savings (and substantial pension) in a divorce. You are not divorcing. You split up. The same way teenagers split up. Legally there is no difference, you didn't sign the contract.

You would only go to Family court if there were to be a dispute over child access arrangements, so for example he wants them 50/50 and you want 70/30. All the rest regarding the sale of the house is in Civil Court. He would complete an Order for Sale application, you can challenge it but you would have to pay your legal;l fees.