Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

Yes in very rare circumstances this could be possible but non of these apply to you so it is irrelevant.

Mediation is a good idea but you need to be prepared for the outcome which will be 50/50. If he is amicable you could consider nesting where you rent a one bed flat and each alternate a week in the house. This is rare and would not be court ordered you would have to agree. Under these circumstances though the usual an arrangement is split the cost of the house and flat payment 50/50 which might still be a stretch. No court would order this - it would be by private amicable arrangement only.

I really urge you to listen to some of the exceptional free advice you have had here and find a way forward without spending thousands on legal costs. If you are not willing to be reasonable in mediation your ex could apply for an order to sell the property.

I'm not a monster. Not looking at lying and taking that route. Those women didn't get anything because of the abuse, kids were younger so they were a bargaining tool to obtain better financials, the conversations were uncomfortable as you didn't know if what they were saying was even true, as they seemed pretty happy and carefree.

Mediation will be pointless unless you are willing to accept the advice you are given. It is not a therapy session where you can ‘air your concerns’. It’s meant to be a genuine attempt to come to a reasonable and fair agreement. You have already been made a reasonable and fair offer but you’re hell bent to try to get more. The only thing that will happen if you don’t accept facts is that you are going to end up frittering away your shared funds on legal fees.

So from the legal fees route, I suppose if I do win he pays my legal costs and the reverse if he does?

It's not about a 'win', it's about a settlement. Are you expecting he'll end up paying your legal costs? You must be trolling us surely? Nobody can be this self centred and dense.

No, OP, you are not suing him. You will each pay your own legal fees. I am beyond exasperated with you at this point. Seek some fucking solicitor's advice and stop trolling us on here.

No you will pay your own and you will not get more than 50/50.

If you listen to this advice I have just saved you circa 10-15k.

I suspect you won’t and will end up with an ex who will no longer help you and resentful children.

You won’t ‘win’ as there is no legal basis to your claim

What are you expecting to win? You have nothing to win.

Win what?

I think you’re misunderstanding what kind of legal proceeding these are. It’s not like suing somebody where you ‘win’ your case.

You each would instruct a solicitor to make sure the law is upheld on your behalf. Think of it more like buying a house. Each party has their own representation to make sure everything is legally correct. But you pay for that service yourself.

Mediation is not a legal process.

You should take his offer with both hands and run !

because if were he, i would start reducing the following:

' plus my deposit (paid back at end of tenancy), first months rent paid and removals. '

and you may find this is what he wants through mediation !!!!

It wouldn’t be winning and losing, it would be both making a settlement- so you pay your costs and he pays his. If you were married, you could make him pay your legal fees (in some circumstances), but you aren’t so that doesn’t apply here.

Sorry OP, either the house is sold, you both get your share of equity and then most likely you’ll have to be in rented until the dcs are out of school and you can move away to buy a property, or he buys you out and you go in rented property until the dcs are out of school and you can move away.

im not sure why you wouldn’t want the dcs to have the stability of him buying you out so it’s only 1 new property they have to get used to, not 2.

But go waste some money on a solicitor so they can tell you the same. I think you need to hear it from a professional.

(Honestly in your position you need to accept you are only staying in that house if you can convince your ex you want to get back together.)

I was talking about if mediation failed and we went to court? Is it a family court matter?

So to clarify, if he goes to court to force the house sale, what about then? Legal fees are dealt with in the same way??

No. You each pay your legal fees in family court. Unless someone has failed to negotiate reasonably, if so that party can be ordered to pay the other party’s fees. Spoiler alert: that will be you.

Is your ex a saint?

Would you really go to court against this man who you left because he's not very exciting, but who is a hands on dad and has provided for his family for years, just because he wants the home that he paid for and lived in with his children back? When he could give them a stable home in their familiar surroundings?

I'm just looking at all possible routes. I may not have paid out in the same way but I did bear the children, take time out from my career to have them, went to reduced hours etc which has had an impact. I have caught up a little from an earnings perspective, but it's taken about 8 years.

Apart from that, I do most of the children's admin and pastoral care in general. He does help but being at work full time and commuting means he couldn't always do that which I suppose was expected.

But you didn't marry. So legally that has no standing. You're looking at legal processes, but didn't sign the legal contract that was there to protect you in that exact situation.

If you take him to court you will bear your own legal costs, him his. And it's expensive. You could easily waste most of both your equities in the house and neither of you be able to buy or stay in house, and you'll both also have to pay the fees of selling the place!

What he did in the past won't be deemed relevant. If he stands there in court and promises to become full primary caregiver and do everything for the kids going forward they will take him at his word.

All of which is totally irrelevant when you’re not married in terms of what you’re owed or entitled to.

and you are already massively benefiting financially from this based on getting 50% of equity of a house you barely paid into, and being able to pay into your own pension while he paid the house to which you get 50%

you legally own 50% of the house. Thats all you’re owed, less costs. There’s no other settlement to be had

Yes sorry OP, you are back to wanting the protections of marriage to apply. They don’t.

realistically, if you go to court he could end up with more than 50% of the equity if he can prove he put in 100% of the deposit and paid all the mortgage. So now think, take out his deposit, take our legal fees for going to court, then the costs of sale, divide that by 50% and at best that’s what you’d leave it, is it likely to be significantly different from his offer or possibly less?

and you’ll have screwed up his plans so no more rental deposit offer.

It does seem you are just trying to convince yourself this is going to work out for you. But he’s made a generous offer, your dcs will be settled and you can have your 50% of time with them in another location.

But go have a chat with a solicitor and see what they say.

You'd have to pay your own legal fees. You're not married so there's no "pot", and there's no DV so no legal aid.

I do feel quite bad for you op. You're getting a rough ride on here, but everyone is right, you've forfeit the rights you want by not being married.

You should take whatever he offers you, as you'll likely end up with less plus huge legal fees in the long run.

Absolutely shocked after reading through this thread.

OP you’re delusional.

Your poor ex is being more than flexible and fair and you just can’t see it.

You’re turning what could be a healthy non problematic split into something that could turn very nasty and bitter.

Think of your children and stop being utterly greedy.