Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

@C152 maybe you should read this post from the OP. You might realise that your post is way off mark.

If they are married or can prove they've contributed half of the mortgage.

You're in dreamland but yeah, fuck around and find out.

Even if you did win, you're looking at tens of thousands in legal fees. Your youngest is 14, at least 15 before this is sorted.

If you won (unlikely) you'd have maybe 3 years in the house but will have lost probably half your equity in the process. You'll probably spend the rest on upkeep, mortgage etc that's beyond your reach so end up in debt. You'd be starting over with zero.

Is it not better to take your half and start building with that now?

Why keep clinging to this baseless hope rather than moving on?

Unmarried people cannot retroactively claim the same rights as married people. It's pure wishful thinking. Your kids are nearly adults and in zero danger of being homeless. No court is going to rule in your favour. Don't waste money on legal fees.

I haven’t commented before OP but you don’t seem to be aware of what a good deal you have been offered. You talk about large sums of money but in reality there is about 10k difference between what you have been offered and what you might get. This will easily be swallowed up in legal fees. Not to mention the absolute draining process of going to court. As well as losing a valuable asset in having someone you can effectively co-parent with and peacefully agree things with.

@brookgreenmum next step before court is to speak to a lawyer get all the legal facts from a lawyer - what everyone is saying is that a big legal battle will cost so much but please stop googling and speak to a legal professional

I agree, especially with the last part, any cordial relationship with your ex will be destroyed by you and you will have to pick up the pieces financially and mentally after the judge laughs you out of court.

Your kids won't be thanking you either.

Why are you ignoring everyone saying that you're on a hiding to nothing?

OP - given that you are still clinging to the hope you can keep the house with you in it some how, can I suggest you spend a bit of money speaking to a solicitor as soon as possible, before your ex starts pushing for an answer.

You initiated the split but don’t seem to have thought through the legal situation before doing that. He clearly has, he’s made you a generous offer.

You aren’t going to get to keep the house, but you probably need a solicitor to tell you that and quickly before his current offer is off the table.

(I really wish you’d got advice first, you may well have decided a boring man was worth putting up with for 4 years. )

I feel sorry for the dad. He sounds like a really good and generous man, albeit maybe boring. The most stable men aren't necessarily going to be the life and soul of the party but I for one would rather have a boring good man.

So he gets dumped for being boring, has to move out of the family home he has funded, away from his kids who he has been really hands on with, so that OP can live her fantasy of finding a more exciting man while still living in the house the husband paid for.

The dad has lost a lot, hasn't he? Just because OP had a bit of a mid life crisis. Any bloke doing the same would be absolutely slated.

Move out OP, and let him carry on with his house and kids while you go chase your exciting dream bloke.

OP - is your fear of your exp takes over the house and you have the rental property nearby, your dcs will see their current home as “home” and your house as “mums house”, and that while you’ve agreed 50/50, given the dcs ages, it will be really down to them and laziness/habit will make your exp the main parent they spend time with, not you?

They’ve said they want to stay with you. They will see your home as their home. It’ll be ok, you can make it work.

I wouldn't say he was boring exactly. He was kind, funny and smart, just better in smaller groups and did not want visitors all the time, preferred his space which caused a bit of friction between us. Preferred nights in (but would go out) just not a much as me. It wasn't just this, we would argue, he would say some not very nice things at times but in hindsight, this is expected at times if you wind anyone up enough.

So why did you end it?

And these are the features that will make him appealing to some women. He won't be single for long. I think you've looked a gift horse in the mouth.

Because op wanted more excitement and thought she could get her ex to be a mug and keep paying for. Now she’s having doubts as she’s realised she needs to pay her own way.

poor guy. Bout time he stood up for himself

OP where has your ex been living since June? Because you understand he has a right to move back into his house until it’s sorted, don’t you? Just don’t make this nasty. See a solicitor, work out what’s realistic for an unmarried couple where you earn a high enough wage to rent locally and haven’t paid into the property.

make that a tomorrow job, booking an appointment to see a solicitor with all the paperwork and numbers. Then you can give your ex and clear answer quickly.

He's been moving between a couple of family members and a friend.

Don't think he wants to move back in with me again, said he was worried about me pulling a stunt to get him in trouble or something, apparently it's common. I have no intention of doing anything like that.

Really? You're trying to think of ways to screw him out of his home, we've all told you it's not happening, if you don't believe that please seek legal advice.

So he's homeless currently? And yet you think you are the victim here?
>> sigh <<

I’m beginning to wonder if this is actually real. Surely nobody is this dense?

I feel for this poor guy, he seems to be truly trying to be fair and do the right thing, and this is the reward

Originally you put it like this:
Seems silly but lots of reasons. For example, we are quite different, he is more introverted whilst I'm quite extroverted. He likes his space whereas I'd like people around all the time which he hated, was happy with it sometimes but other times he just wanted some peace.

He was quite focused on giving us and the children financial stability and setting them up well whereas I was more leaning towards letting them work it out for themselves. So, there was friction which didn't help.

My mother said I won't find someone like him again.

So maybe not boring but not exciting enough for you. Reading this post back again makes you sound even worse. Poor bloke. There he was trying to give you and the children financial stability and here you are trying to get even more from him.

Again I say let it go, let him continue to give the children stability in their own home and find your own place where they can also stay with you. Time to grow up and use your own finances.

Your posts read like you have your head in the clouds.

The grass is not greener - the dating pool
aged 40+ is quite depressing (all the good ones are taken).

Your idea of staying in the house for 4 years whilst paying only half the mortgage is bonkers. Perhaps I misunderstood you. Please understand that you will have to pay all of your own costs, regardless of where you end up living.

It sounds as though you’ve been offered a decent deal. Let him keep the house for the sake of the children and move on. You’ve made your bed (and no, I don’t mean by not getting married. I regret marrying personally, as I lost an enormous amount of assets in my divorce).

So a few facts OP as you are heading towards an expensive lesson.

Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 allows claims to be made for the needs of children, but it does not offer protection for the parent caring for them. This legislation focuses on the welfare of the children and does not grant long-term rights to property for the parent.

Mesher Orders, which defer the sale of a property until conditions like children reaching adulthood are met, are rare even for married couples and would be highly unlikely for unmarried partners unless there were exceptional circumstances.

For unmarried couples, property law is strictly based on ownership and financial contributions. There is no concept of shared marital assets. If the house is owned jointly, you do not have an automatic right to stay in it. Your legal entitlement will be limited to your share of the equity, which will depend on the terms of ownership, such as the proportions on the title deeds or any contributions you made toward the property’s purchase. If you turn the split nasty and take it to court and your unequal contributions could seriously bite you here.

It is possible under the Children Act to apply for temporary provision of housing for the children’s benefit, but this does not guarantee a deferred sale or indefinite right to remain in the home. A court would also consider whether the children’s needs could be met through alternative arrangements. Given your equity entitlement of around £85,000, the court could easily argue that these funds are sufficient to secure suitable housing for you and the children elsewhere. If the mortgage is to be maintained, you would need to pay it in full.

In plain terms, unless you can get buy him out, the house is likely to be sold, with each party receiving their share based on ownership and contributions. Given you have not contributed to the mortgage and he provided the deposit this route could see you far worse off than his offer.

Op can’t get a nearer as she’s not married
ip is entitled to 50% of equity as she is joint owner ( therefore 50;50) irrespective that she hadn’t contributed. A hard lesson for her ex which sure he won’t repeat.

thete are zero grounds to use sch 1 to defer the sake. And if there were op would be expects to pay 100%

Hopefully her ex grows a spine in 2025 and stops op continuing to take the piss out of him.

Yes meshers orders are for married couples I was trying to say they are incredibly rare even if they had been married.

The legal presumption in this case is 50/50 ownership

However as the husband can prove they solely paid the mortgage and deposit, they could argue for a larger share of the equity, even as joint tenants.

The court can consider evidence of unequal financial contributions, it is certainly not guaranteed to override the joint tenancy but I think it’s worth being aware of as if this split turns nasty the OP might be left with less not to mention the stress of it all.