Ex Partner wants to buy me out - help!!

[brookgreenmum]

Hello all. I was on here some years ago but took a break. Things have changed somewhat, relationship broke down and I'm in a bit of a panic now, looking for opinions really if anyone has had similar circumstances.

Unmarried, together 19 years, two children 17, 14. Separation back in June, he moved out to give me space.

Now he's back in contact, wants to buy me out, reasonable offer about 85% of the actual equity share if we sold it. He paid the mortgage and bills for the whole time and the deposit. House owned jointly 50/50 and I am on the mortgage.

I'm not in a bad position, earn excess of 50k pa, we have approx 200k of equity. I know having the children gives me some power, but the income and equity means I doubt i'll be able to convince a court to stay on till the kids are 18 or so.

Fighting it in court would be at least 15k if I lost according to advice. Friends tell me to fight!

What would people do in this situation? I couldn't go out and buy again in this area, renting is possible. I am really stressed now, losing sleep and hair - didn't think about this tbh, focussed on the kids and thought it'll sort itself out.

Thankyou!

Why are you trying to turn the split acrimonious?

No. She’s get 50% of what’s left after costs. He’s offering a bit less as the costs won’t be incurred

shes freeloaded for years (would be called all sorts on here if she was a man) and he’s being fair

Not trying to cause issues, as I said before some compromise where I can stay in the house, I'm happy to contribute.

You weren't married, you dumped him because he's boring so why can't you accept this?

Your children aren't young.

It’s a shame you’re not married as that way he would be entitled to half of the pension you’ve squirreled away while he was paying for the house you now get half the equity on

You earn well, your kids are old enough to not need childcare, you are getting a split of the profit and can house yourself I really don't feel you meet the criteria for section 1

Housing is quite expensive here, approx £1800-2000 minimum for a 2-3 bed. Couple that with bills of about £500+ that's before food and travel and everything else.

Op I really think you need to stop scrabbling around looking for reasons your ex should pay (more) and you get your own way, and start to accept you will have a lower standard of living and start planning for that.

I also think your reasons for splitting as you’ve stated them here are selfish and shortsighted. Despite all that I do wish you and your kids,and your ex, the best.

But the Schedule 1 of the Children’s Act isn’t about keeping the parent in the house. It’s about stability for the children. Their already very involved and capable dad is willing and able to house them there.

You are on a hiding to nothing op

You should stop this and accept you can’t stay and stop wasting time, and ultimately loads of money if you go this route. You will have practically zero chance of success

you are being totally unreasonable

I'm not a lawyer, but it's my understanding that with the children's act you have to be able to meet all the costs of the house for the duration of the order. Full mortgage, all bills, all upkeep.

Honestly the courts seem to hate these orders at the moment and I think you're going to end up royally fucking yourself over trying with legal fees but I'd leave that to a lawyer to explain to you.

Ok are you trolling us now op? It's not going to happen. You simply do not get to:
Dump the man because he's boring
AND
Keep the house whilst he largely pays for it
AND
Keep your lifestyle exactly as was pre split

Where do you get off saying you are happy to contribute? Contributions are for partnerships. You ended yours. So you don't need to contribute, you need to maintain yourself. And your kids fifty % of the time. He does that for the kids for the other fifty %.

You get your equity and you both walk away with your other finances eg pension untouched. That's what you signed up for.

OP - are you going to try to stop him having the dcs 50% of the time ? You will need a very good reason to stop this.

assuming you are not, then there’s two ways this could go: 1) he buys you out, he lives in the current house and you live elsewhere. The children spend 50% of their time in the current family home with him and then 50% of the time in another property with you. Your new plan is 2) you stay in the house until youngest is 18. Your ExP lives elsewhere. Your dcs spend 50% of the time in the current family home with you and 50% of the time elsewhere with him.

Now, how is your solicitor going to argue that option 2 gives significantly more stability than option 1 for the dcs? (It’s more stability for you, but you aren’t the one that matters here, it’s the kids.)

sorry OP, you are clutching at straws. You aren’t married to your exp so you don’t get the benefits of being married and splitting up compared to cohabiting and splitting up.

But go spend money on a solicitor if it will make you feel better. You might be better off just going looking at rental properties and taking your exp up on his deposit offer.

The reason being is that the children will prefer to live with me, they've told me that. So even though he can house them, they don't want him to be the main carer.

Where do you think he should live?

Do your kids have SEN? Wondering about saying they don't want him as the main carer when they're 14 and 17.

Tough, it doesn't mean you'll get the house, far from it.

You need a reality check.

OP if it does end up going to court, and he can prove that he alone has shouldered the mortgage payments since you purchased, then you actually may come away with much less than the 50/50 you assume is a starting point

So you will be pushing to not have 50/50 then? You’ll need a reason for that too. Not “the children prefer me” or “I want to live in this house”. a valid reason.

Sorry OP, you’ve not got a reason to stay in the house.

You will have to leave the house. So you can force the sale and you both have to live somewhere new, or your dcs get the stability of him being in the same house and he buys you out.

But go see a solicitor and see what they say. Not what you want, what realistically they can get for you, given you aren’t married, he put all of the deposit money in and he can prove he paid the mortgage alone.

No, there are no special needs. Both have had treatment for anxiety.

I'm sure your kids also want ice cream for breakfast, chocolate for dinner and weekends in Disney land.

Honestly you need really good legal advice, which is going to be expensive. Legal disputes always are, and honestly could end up eating your entire equity from the house. Have you ever thought what would happen if you went before a judge and your ex tells the judge he actually has the money to maintain and keep the house and is willing to be primary caregiver? You could end up with your ex having the order and you not getting your equity.

You can't afford the house you're currently in alone. If you can't afford it you can't stay in it. You won't be able to pay the mortgage, bills and upkeep during the order if you somehow managed to get the order. This isn't going to work. You have to cut your cloth to your new budget. If that's renting a 1 bed and the kids share the bedroom while you sleep on a pull out in living room so be it.

So did you work part time to mind the kids? I’m confused because at one point you said marriage wouldn’t make a difference and you took zero career hit to have kids and then you say you worked part time when they were little - did you look after them or choose to work part time while they were in nursery?

I’m not a solicitor but you weren’t married, kids are nearly grown up so I can’t see how you would be allowed to stay in house. TBH I’m surprised he left the house seeing as you ended the relationship - I would have advised him to stay until it was decided what you would do. He sounds pretty reasonable so maybe you could ask for 100% and get it valued separately - but only you will know what he is likely to do if he feels you are being unfair - will he revert to court?

He absolutely SHOULD revert to court and get this nonsense stopped once and for all

op is simply taking the piss

I think court would be the next step, not sure I can afford an initial hearing. I'm so confused, I hear about how women often win these things, but this is maybe in cases of domestic abuse or something?

You have been so badly misinformed. Court will be a great way to spend all the equity you have though. Costs could be in the region of 15k each.

Don’t go to court. You will lose money. Accept this offer and the split. Courts don’t make mesher orders in cases like yours, they just see a clean break order. There is no way they want to see you back in court arguing about an order for sale of the property so they will aim to see a clean break asap.

Your children are nearly grown and the court will look at that. Your ex could house them too. Your life is going to change soon. If you go to court your ex will win. You will have to get costs out of whatever equity you get on sale. Focus on agreement with your ex. Not on fantasy arguments legally which are technically possible but unlikely to be awarded in practice.