Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

DD 16 saying the alimony is hers

150 replies

BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:21

Just that really. She says it is her money, the food in the fridge is all hers. Not mine.

She has had a complete personality transplant. What do I do?
(Court ordered with me 100%)

She has changed 180. I have sacrificed everything for her. Everything.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 30/07/2024 18:22

BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:21

Just that really. She says it is her money, the food in the fridge is all hers. Not mine.

She has had a complete personality transplant. What do I do?
(Court ordered with me 100%)

She has changed 180. I have sacrificed everything for her. Everything.

Be a parent.

Say in that case she can use the money and do all the food shopping then. She had also cook for herself.

FuzzyStripes · 30/07/2024 18:23

Does she mean alimony or does she mean child maintenance? If so, let her have it and she can pay her share of bills, food, living costs etc.

Kelly51 · 30/07/2024 18:24

Hope she can pay her share of the rent and bills from it.

TeenToTwenties · 30/07/2024 18:24

Then also charge her her share of electricity, water etc. She pays for her clothes etc etc.

The money is to support her, it isn't hers.

Hatty65 · 30/07/2024 18:25

Are you American?

People don't get awarded alimony in the UK. It's spousal maintenance and it's very rare. If it's spousal maintenance then it's yours. You were his spouse, not your DD.

Whatever it is, she's no right to it and agree with pp saying she'd better be paying for all rent/bills/food etc if she thinks everything is hers.

RedToothBrush · 30/07/2024 18:26

Also you might get money if you are awarded stuff like pension because of the sacrifices to your career to raise her.

She needs a lesson in how much life costs.

SanctuaryCity · 30/07/2024 18:27

Does the child maintenance pay all her costs? Sit down with her and go through a budget. Tot up half the living costs and see how far “her” money stretches.

Thevelvelletes · 30/07/2024 18:28

BRAT.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/07/2024 18:29

Tell the little princess she can now pay all of the other bills in that case. If that doesn't shut her gob, some consequences are in order.

Mickey79 · 30/07/2024 18:29

Is alimony child maintenance? Great, sit her down and show her how much you get each month and how much the household costs are. The maintenance amount won’t cover half, so ask her how she plans to give you the rest of her share. Bloody teenagers 😏.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 30/07/2024 18:29

Sit down with her and show her how much she costs compared to the child maintenance amount. You could say that this is good practice for when she goes to uni or moves out and has to consider stuff like council tax (you will have lost your single person discount if she’s now working or an apprentice ) and not obvious stuff like her phone contract and subscriptions like Spotify, gym and contact lenses.

thursdaymurderclub · 30/07/2024 18:31

this probs wont go down well, we are however in the UK and it was maintenance not alimony.

when both my DD's reach 16, i stopped taking maintenance from their dad and instead had him pay it to them. it wasn't a massive amount and i still provided everything you would expect, food, etc. what i didn't do was pay them pocket money, or pay their mobile phone bills, or buy their clothes etc..

it taught them a little about the value of money and made them appreciate what the money was etc.

i guess i was lucky that i could afford to do this, i didn't earn thousands, i worked part-time and was a single mum for 10 years but it was a bit of forward thinking because at 18 when the maintenance was due to stop, the ex had to carry on making these payments to see both girls through uni.

Jumblebum · 30/07/2024 18:31

Have you asked her to explain how she has come to that conclusion.

Flibflobflibflob · 30/07/2024 18:33

Ok fine, take off her bit of the bills, rent/mortgage food, she has to now clothe herself, pay for her own transport, books, if she wants you to do her laundry, thats fine but you charge by item, extra for ironing obviously etc etc. Don’t take it to heart, teenagers can be little shits sometimes.

Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:35

Thank you everyone. I dont know what has happened to her, the stress of the divorce? (but her father did not live with us for years, just refused to divorce me)

He was very, very abusive (to me) and I live in Spain. She is indeed being a complete brat. I dont know what to do. I get hardly any money as it is. He his it.

Right now, I hate her, I have done EVERYTHING for her, spent thousands on her. She has een my absolute prority her whole life. Not spoilt, just loved.

Dont know what to do. I am exhausted and need a break.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:39

*he hid it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:41

I am SO tired.

Unfortunately, she is acting like him.
We have always got on asolutely amazingly.
He doesnt speak to her, not for years, maybe he has?

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 30/07/2024 18:46

FuzzyStripes · 30/07/2024 18:23

Does she mean alimony or does she mean child maintenance? If so, let her have it and she can pay her share of bills, food, living costs etc.

This. Issue her with a monthly invoice for rent, utilities, insurance etc.

Explain that she will have to buy food, and you charge £50 an hour for cooking, washing, cleaning, tidying and driving. You will require her to cover the cost of any petrol.

Time to introduce her to the harsh realities of life.

pikkumyy77 · 30/07/2024 18:50

Sit her down and ask her if she would like to move in with him? (Of course she can’t because he is not interested.) tell her to contact him and work out a new living arrangement. Then just sit back and wait.

Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:50

I am so tired. I might just come home and leave her with her father at this rate.

I am so lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 18:53

pikkumyy77 · 30/07/2024 18:50

Sit her down and ask her if she would like to move in with him? (Of course she can’t because he is not interested.) tell her to contact him and work out a new living arrangement. Then just sit back and wait.

Yes, I feel like doing this. He has (and has never had) one iota of interest in her. I have taken on everything.

She is very clever, I have got her into the best school, bought her ipads etc. I have no clothes really, nothing. He gave it all to charity. She knows this. I am so upset.

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 30/07/2024 19:03

TeenToTwenties · 30/07/2024 18:24

Then also charge her her share of electricity, water etc. She pays for her clothes etc etc.

The money is to support her, it isn't hers.

The problem with that is you can’t actually divide the bill up to the utility companies.

Other than that I would say it’s a very good idea to get her to buy her own food and clothes and anything else she can directly pay for.

Unless Op is going to deduct at source for bills then give the rest to her for food etc.

Lovageandgeraniums · 30/07/2024 19:05

Maybe your ex has been saying you are money-grabbing, took him for all he had, etc, to her, and she has swallowed it.
Apparently, it is fairly common after abusive relationships where he abuses you through her...

Lilysgoneshopping · 30/07/2024 19:08
  1. You are the parent
  2. No is a complete sentence
Original poster
BlackStrayCat · 30/07/2024 19:08

I cannot do this for the next 4 years.
He is not paying anyway! I have to take him back to cout (It is 700 euros) not a million pounds.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread