DD 16 saying the alimony is hers

[BlackStrayCat]

Just that really. She says it is her money, the food in the fridge is all hers. Not mine.

She has had a complete personality transplant. What do I do?
(Court ordered with me 100%)

She has changed 180. I have sacrificed everything for her. Everything.

Yes. This exactly.

@TonTonMacoute that is so kind. Thank you.

You say that something changed 4 days ago, and this started. You currently receive 500 euros in child support. Either sit her down and talk to her, and see if you can find out what happened- has he contacted her? Has she tried to contact him? If it's not that, maybe even show her the gas, electric, mortgage, rent breakdown, of how much it costs to feed and house both of you. Split that figure in half. That's the amount (minimum) it takes to live, not including the luxuries. Ask her how that is 'keeping' you. If the amount for her 'half' comes out at more than the CS amount (it will) ask her where to cut it all down, so that the 500 covers your whole lifestyle.

I think it needs explaining to her that of the €700 her father is supposed to give you only €500 is the maintenance bit and even if it did exist ask her to tell you how the hell she is keeping you on a fictitious €500 per month. Given rent/mortgage bills food clothes iPads and everything for the past 16 years has cost more than €96000

I suspect her father has been in touch and he has fed her a line that he has paid for you to live with her for the past 16 years and everything you have is really hers

teenagers go through a weird ‘large toddler’ spell when they’re completely self centred and everything wrong in the world is your fault. It sounds like she’s had some stuff fed her about her dad paying for everything. No amount of reasoning will work at this stage, sorry
i alwsys say that if they’re lovely going into this stage they’re lovely when they’re out, you just have to survive this bit. You will get the daughter back that you had the good relationship with and you will look forward to spending time with her, you just need to get through this bit.

You sound lonely and exhausted OP. Do you have any family or friends or any other connections in Spain? Would you be better off coming back to the UK? If your daughter has become a little madam then she needs to have a reality check about joining the world of adulthood and getting a job and paying her way.

@TeaMistress ❤

Tell her if she wants to be an adult she can act like one. Give her the money. Issue her with a lodger's agreement and set of house rules, charge her market rate to cover rent and bills. She buys her own food, clothes, toiletries, phone etc. Gets herself from A to B at her own expense, does her own washing, ironing, cooking and cleaning. Gets a job to top up the money from her dad so she can afford to live. If she breaks the house rules she's out, can go sofa surf with her friends. See how she likes that! Spoilt brat.

Have to agree, she is being a total spoilt brat.@Noescapefromtheidiots

I would be very clear that yes you get child maintenance. No it's not her money. It is a very tiny contribution to her living costs. It is not enough to house, feed, cloth, educate or pay for even half of the costs a month relayed to that. Let alone her having 24/7 care. You have care for her, loved her, parented her and gone without because you live her and want her to have every opportunity. You will not tolerate a bad attitude, wise mouth ect or their will be xyz consequences. If she wants to talk to you about anything you'll always be there but she's to remember who she's talking to and appropriate you with the respect you deserve.

Any rudeness and id be taking the iPad, phone, internet ect.

Does she have a British passport? Do you want to come home? I think you need to tell her that the money is to support you and her re rent/utilities/clothing/food. Owed to you both, not just her. Remind her that he is not paying the spousal portion. Would she like to have to budget/buy everything? Pay the bills-she can be in charge!

She’s doing the typical teenage rebellion thing, she must feel awful that her dad has rejected her, but kicking off at you is not appropriate or helpful when you have done everything you could for her.

And yes to sanctions! You’re going to have to be tough. She’s kidding if she thinks 700€ will cover everything you pay for her a month.

I just saw how recent the divorce is. It must be very raw for both of you. It is disgraceful that a wealthy man gets away with 500 Euros a month for his child.

When you are feeling calmer could you chat to DD about how the money is used. Explain that although there isn’t very much spare, you could have a monthly girls treat. Rent the latest blockbuster on Prime and settle in with popcorn and snacks. Chat over a burger or a coffee if you can stretch

Some time together might make you both feel better. Doing so well in her exams will be bittersweet and it may have hit her afresh that her dad isn’t around. Just be there and love her. Know that she’s confused and doesn’t mean what she’s saying. You’re safe - that’s why she can lash out at you. Try to remember she’s doing it because she feels safe and loved. You’re her person x

@Cherrysoup
@2sisters Thank you both.

What a bloody mess.

@StormingNorman It is so funny, you have always been kind to me on other threads.

Thank you.

I think DD needs a sharp reality check and you shouldn't mince your words! So sad for you especially after all your struggles. Of

She has just come through and said she wants "3 days off from me"
Fine. But the next 2 years really worry me now. Honestly,the sweetest girl and now behaving like my enemy. An entitled enemy.

She has Spanish passport, me UK. My home is dependant on her. She seems to know it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I didn't have a divorce in the mix, but I remember my kids being BRATS at this time in their lives too. I think they push us because they want to know that no matter how bad they are we will still love them. She is feeling abandoned by your ass ex and she needs to know you will always be there for her. I hope things settle for you. You seem like a lovely mom and I hope you have someone to talk to IRL.

I own his home, he owns mine (Spanish law) I am in this house for her education only.

Thank you. I will do this. Maybe I shared too much with her.
But she certainly needs a reality check.

Spoilt Brat.

Thank you. Very much.

Yep! Cannot believe her entitlement.

I think I would sit down with her and go through all your expenses and then tell her that if she feels that she wants his child maint that's fine, but she owes you half of everything and if she'd like to get a job she can do so to make up the difference.

If she wants 3 days away that's fine. Leave her to it, no cooking, washing clothes etc.

I was a vile teen and this would have been something I'd have done. My dad sat me down one day after I'd said I wanted to move out. And we went through the finances I'd need to live in my own.

Maybe it's time she starts to be a bit more independent? She starts to do her own chores etc

@BuggeryBumFlaps yes, she does do her washing but yes. Sit down time and thanks.
I am going to bed now and am truly humbled by everyones support, Thank you, x.

What do you mean? I'm Spanish and I'm not sure what you mean with this