Partner has taken kids away and blocked contact

[JustDad46]

Hi,

Wife has been under a lot of outside strain for a few months and has been acting out of character - quite emotionally abusive and neglecting kids etc. Neither myself or the kids could talk to her without her blowing up. We actually lived avoiding her with the kids sharing their concerns with me constantly.

Eleven days ago she demanded a divorce, became surrounded by friends and family who never liked me and had blanked me for years, then phoned the police and concocted a story which, when a court looks at it will be so transparently untrue it will be crazy. She tried to take out Non-Mol and Residency Orders which the judge immediately set aside.

But it's still very hurtful to be accused groundlessly. And have friends all hypothesizing that she's cheating because she had everything in place so quickly.

But the ABSOLUTE WORST part is that I haven't seen my kids or spoken to them in ELEVEN days. It's tearing me up and she knows it will be. She took them away and I don't know where any of them are. My children's last texts show that they wanted to be with me, love me etc.

I'm not sure if this is in the right thread. i'm just very emotionally and physically exhausted and exasperated that despite everyone telling me how wrong it all is, how everyone looking at the evidence tells me I'm right, social workers are taking forever to assign a case worker, police are doing absolutely nothing an passing the buck to social workers and my solicitors DESPITE there being welfare risks to my two kids from a third party and neglect and emotional abuse history from my wife. My solicitors aren't finding HER solicitors very co-operative (my wife started the solicitor involvement).

Every crisis helpline and charity has supported me 100% but they are powerless. What shocks me is how common they say all this is.

Tonight, I'm grieving for my children. It's absolutely like a bereavement. I don't know where they are, if they are safe and no-one who could and should do something seems to give a damn :-(

NO orders against me nor grounds for any. I have parental responsibility and am actually the one who listened to and looked after the kids but i am the one being deprived of them.... At wit's end.

............ responders here know anything about narcissistic supply ?

Oh, yes.

It is not sexist to state unequivocally that women do not abandon their homes, taking their children with them, without a very serious reason.

How is it sexist to say this? It happens to be true.

That is not to say that men do not also sometimes abandon their homes, taking their children, when escaping abuse.

It is simply a truism that far more women have cause to do this than men.

OP are you the father of the older male child, who you claim is an abuser himself?

As for the kids messages, they were sent to me after police had told me to leave the house on the first evening of all of this

And why did the police ask you to leave the house?

Do you speak to your beleaguered wife like this, dismissively and sarcastically?

He may know his truth, it doesn't mean it's the truth.

Actually I had a lot of sympathy for him initally - but as the updates came in, I saw a pattern of blaming his wife, her solicitor, SW, police, her family, their friends. That was a bit of a red flag. But again, it could be possible that she has brainwashed everyone.

The bits that don't make sense still don't. She left the house, He says he paid the house deposits and mortgage etc- sounds like he's the breadwinner. Yet she left. She didn't try and get him kicked out.

I read a thread here where someone fled their house and had only 45 mins to pack. I felt the real palpable pain and stress and relief once she had escaped.

She was abusive, but HIS mother who is aware of all the abuse suggested it could be resolved by sending them both away on some sort of romantic retreat for 5 days to resolve it.

His 15 year old who desperately wants to contact his dad and that is being apparently abused by his mother, hasn't been in contact.

It's actually insulting to see all of these and discard them so that we are not tagged as anti men.

His 15 year old who desperately wants to contact his dad and that is being apparently abused by his mother, hasn't been in contact

And both children are apparently at risk of sexual abuse by their older brother.

Most 15 year olds who wanted to contact their father would use a friends phone to call or text or use the school computer to email him. Even if the Op is correct in his assumption that their mother has removed their phones / laptops, there are plenty other ways for them to get in touch.

Or they could tell their social worker and / or pastoral support teacher at school how much they want to speak to / see their father.

It’s odd that the court would impose an order prohibiting the father from going to the school when there is allegedly no evidence that he is a risk to the children or their mother.

Any teen who wanted to contact their parent. Would.
They don't want to & for damm good reason I'll bet.

I hope the ex is safe & we'll & her kids safe.

Exactly.

OP, regardless of the rights and wrongs of this situation, if your children want to get in touch, they will.

There isn't a 15yo on the planet who doesn't have access to a friend's phone or email account. And most teens are determined and resourceful, with very definite ideas of their own. They can spot parental manipulation at 30 paces. Fifteen years of loving relationship will not be wiped out in a few weeks. Draw comfort from that fact.

Even the younger child, at eleven, is fully capable of circumventing the restrictions placed upon her/him. Children are so tech-savvy nowadays.

why would you resurrect this dubious post? what would you have to gain by this ?

threads like this follow the same trajectory, always, the same naive busybody dogooders not aware of the golden rules - those who interfere in other peoples lives have no say in their own - or - they will side with the man, take them home made pies, home made bread, home cooked homillies, cos, you know, the woman/wife/girlfriend must have been bad, mad, cruel, crazy, blamed, the children reaching out to father/dad/ as if
thank goodness for the few bold posters on here calling out nonsense

starts off poor me
attracts mumsies
feeds off narcissistic supply
grows stronger
daft advice follows daft advice
then suddenly
doubtful dissent appears
shot down by acolytes
op grows stronger and more confident
new poster takes apart content
new posters question
OP becomes defensive
new posters question
OP becomes aggressive
new posters counter
OP becomes more ‘attacking as best form of defense’
posters become bored and move away
thread dies