Partner has taken kids away and blocked contact

[JustDad46]

Hi,

Wife has been under a lot of outside strain for a few months and has been acting out of character - quite emotionally abusive and neglecting kids etc. Neither myself or the kids could talk to her without her blowing up. We actually lived avoiding her with the kids sharing their concerns with me constantly.

Eleven days ago she demanded a divorce, became surrounded by friends and family who never liked me and had blanked me for years, then phoned the police and concocted a story which, when a court looks at it will be so transparently untrue it will be crazy. She tried to take out Non-Mol and Residency Orders which the judge immediately set aside.

But it's still very hurtful to be accused groundlessly. And have friends all hypothesizing that she's cheating because she had everything in place so quickly.

But the ABSOLUTE WORST part is that I haven't seen my kids or spoken to them in ELEVEN days. It's tearing me up and she knows it will be. She took them away and I don't know where any of them are. My children's last texts show that they wanted to be with me, love me etc.

I'm not sure if this is in the right thread. i'm just very emotionally and physically exhausted and exasperated that despite everyone telling me how wrong it all is, how everyone looking at the evidence tells me I'm right, social workers are taking forever to assign a case worker, police are doing absolutely nothing an passing the buck to social workers and my solicitors DESPITE there being welfare risks to my two kids from a third party and neglect and emotional abuse history from my wife. My solicitors aren't finding HER solicitors very co-operative (my wife started the solicitor involvement).

Every crisis helpline and charity has supported me 100% but they are powerless. What shocks me is how common they say all this is.

Tonight, I'm grieving for my children. It's absolutely like a bereavement. I don't know where they are, if they are safe and no-one who could and should do something seems to give a damn :-(

NO orders against me nor grounds for any. I have parental responsibility and am actually the one who listened to and looked after the kids but i am the one being deprived of them.... At wit's end.

I'm always interested to read how people respond to stress or challenge (such as posts they find negative, rude, or unkind). I think it shows a lot about our internal workings and life views, so whether we ignore, engage by asking for more information, or come out fighting is fascinating to me. People really are endlessly interesting.

With each and every additional post, his exW made the right choice in escaping.

It is interesting. Undoubtedly OP is under huge amounts of stress, but the snarking, the patronising dismissiveness of anyone who questions any bit of his story, replete with sarcasm damages the narrative he is desperate to portray that his wife is the big bad wolf who has suceeded in ostracizing him from friends and family and he is blameless in anything that led to her leaving the home.

I try not to air too much on here because a lot of people get opinionated very quickly even when you save most of the dirtiest laundry about your other half from public view. I've had some really nice support through private messaging though.

I do think you might want to maintain some presence on here as the support can be very important. Who'd have thought any of us would be getting sympathy and support from strangers over lost contact with our own kids whilst partners and families alienate us?

This post by him above on another thread re parental alienation is very telling.

Good luck with the DM's. I do hope you are reunited with your kids soon, but without any introspection, and if you continue these barbs about your ex, I fear that contact may not last since children do have a say.

Thanks again for your unqualified expertise. I couldn't get my days in without your constructive judgement. Also, thanks for always considering my wife before my kids. Says a lot and goes some way to explaining you self-chosen moniker.

I welcome their say. Nobody more so. I'm banking on it.

No woman leaves her home, taking her children, without good reason.

This OP is showing more red flags than a Russian army to me.

The syntax, attention to detail, sardonic barbs, reluctance to answer simple questions, ie, ‘how old are your children’ hostility and underlying aggression,
wife blaming and contempt for SocialServices/Court/Legal procedures,
the readiness to reply, are akin to the atrophied thread of 12/11 -
‘Married Woman won’t leave’

Is this how men normally write?

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Why are so many posters proffering advice on a matrimonial matter
now before the Courts, involving Social Workers, Lawyers, Judges -
do you believe they somehow do not know what they are doing or not in a position to winkle out the true situation whatever that may be

Dissenters in the ranks, I salute you !!!

Ha ! exactly - so many posters here are colour blind

certain Elvis Presley song playing in my head here -

Honestly.. this thread.

Social worker stated she has seen the messages sent to my daughter's phone by me. They were shown to me by my wife

OP - when did your wife show the messages to you? I thought you hadn't seen her.

Quite.

Just a tad sexist generalization there.... ask any men's charity....

Have you been through this process or read the posts from others who have and who can ell you what a long and convoluted process it can be?

Perhaps you have your anti-man glasses on and they're red-tinted.

No I haven't seen her. She showed them to the SW who stated the same to me.

Yup. You can see why people prefer to PM the people with something constructive to offer rather than listen to the snipers who can't take the return fire or the people who, tellingly, haven't posted on any other thread.

You know, you take things with a pinch of salt on here. The only person on here who knows the truth is OP. We don't have his wife's version of events.
However, if by some token what OP is stating is true.. shame on those who have made a father involuntarily separated from his kids feel ten times worse.

I’ve just come across this thread for the first time - talk about ‘show not tell’!
Wherever she is, I hope the ex wife is ok and rebuilding her life with lots of support.

OP it’s a shame that despite your successful career in the PSNI, you recall so little of the legalities and processes as well as NI-specific nomenclature.

I presume your habitual use of “the mainland” to refer to GB is why you no longer are in that line of employment, since, as you know given where you live and your prior line of work, it would immediately get the backs up of a significant proportion of our population, when the PSNI try to go to great lengths to serve all sections of the community.

On that note, how is the complaint to the police ombudsman going? I’m sure you must be able to tell as well as I can that it was potentially a breach of the PSNI code of ethics for your wife’s relative by marriage to get directly involved with such scurrilous allegations. I can’t imagine that anything would have prevented you reporting it, aye?

Hope your weans are safe and well.

I rest my case, ha ha

the truth is that,

children of fifteen and younger of course would find a way
to contact their Dad, even write a letter,

should they want to see him

and whilst this Dad spends an inordinate amount of time on here
during the day, spilling facts figures and angst, it seems scarcely
believable for the wife to have not been alerted to this, sorry tale,
which makes one wonder …

do responders here know anything about narcissistic supply ?

children of fifteen and younger of course would find a way
to contact their Dad, even write a letter,

Absolutely. One of my nieces who is 14 was recently prevented from being in touch with a distracting boyfriend by overly protective BIL… she and he somehow used Netflix to spend hours each night talking for months without their parents suspecting anything. It’s near impossible to prevent teenagers communicating with anyone they want to communicate with.

Which reminds me that there was something from OP on p1 about an older son who OP didn’t want the younger weans having contact with, which never got mentioned again. I can’t make head nor tail of what going on here, but anyone PMing should be cautious.