No Contact, missing kids, angry Ex

[Morconfusednow]

Going to keep it simple, STBXW and I first separated over two years ago, we’d been living separately but still very much in a relationship after a few weeks of talking.
I worked away causing almost all our issues, admittedly she was my rock through many tough times and always had been very reasonable regarding my access to the kids even when we had 2 periods of not being together ourselves since originally separating.
This year things went from worse to worse this year with continued bickering and petty arguments, a couple of months ago I said it would be better to continue with the divorce due to multiple things just not feeling good.
3 days after that I get sent a text requesting no contact and informed I’d been blocked on all social media thus isolating me from seeing the kids.
3 times I contacted her I had the police visit my house.
I alway have contacted the kids via iPads or phones but feeling these messages aren’t getting through to them now.
Today I’ve heard my ex is certain I am having an affair and if she can’t find out who she will be send the police to my house as she thinks I’ve been sitting for months Sri king and taking drugs, funny thing is the only people that have been in my house since she went NC is the police.
Until now I haven’t contacted solicitors as I had thought she might have calmed down but today I contact SS and an option is they can do drum and alcohol tests to disprove her claims and do a home visit of my home to make their own mind on my ability to have my kids.
would I be wrong to go down this route to prove what she thinks isn’t true and the reality is I’ve sat alone in silence trying to keep the future peace no wanting to escalate things but I’m struggling to see another way.

Why dont you just speak to a solicitor..

You need legal advice

And if you aren't taking drugs or excessive drunk then why on earth have you been sat around for 2 months doing nothing whilst you can't see your children?

I'm assuming you are a man and I am so bored of all the "I have a crazy ex and that's why I can't see the kids" stories from men who have done absolutely nothing to go about securing contact

Get legal advice, get to court, sort out your shared custody

No need for that.

OP, you've given her a chance to behave reasonably. She will not so you must secure regular access to your children for yourself. Now you need to see a mediation specialist (not a doctor) and get your MIAM certificate saying you tried to mediate. You can't go to court without this. Google mediation services in your area and book an appointment with an accredited one.

Not a solicitor

@Zola1 I know I know, I probably was stupid not doing anything sooner but as explained I believed my ex would have calmed down by now, at the end of the day the kids are old enough to walk out her front door in to my my car contact between my ex and I wouldn’t be needed.
I don’t want to put the kids through a contract Center arrangement type situation.
The current situation is having an impact the relationship i have with the kids, I just prayed that the situation would get better without me escalating things as I know it will be talked about by my ex to the kids how I’m being aggressive or causing financial problems.

You have gone down the police and Ss route rather than legal and you expected her to calm ???

lots of game play here on both sides

Something doesn't ring true here. You seem to have done no research whatsoever into contact arrangements and my guess is we're only getting part of the story.

@Ifeelsuchflutterings I have all the messages I have sent the Children, ever once accusing or disrespecting my Ex just asking how their day has been.
As said above I didn’t see this going on as long and I didn’t want to give my ex ammunition to show the kids how nasty I have been to her by getting authorities involved, but now I truly think I have no other option.
5 weeks ago I had to do a medical for work which was inclusive of a drugs test, that was enough to please SS when called but I want it cemented I am not doing what I am being accused of and preferred to be again tested by SS so they have all their own medical information.

Every few weeks there's a thread from a man whose ex has apparently randomly for no justifiable reason stopped him from seeing his children. They normally haven't sought legal advice despite it being ages since they last saw their children and usually want women to fix their problem for them.

This feels very similar. I'm guessing the ex hasn't jumped to drugs and alcohol from nowhere.

How does going through a solicitor to get conect with your kids become "being nasty". its the usual standard legal process.

The same way that I assume she goes via cms to get you to pay maintenance?

@Starlightstarbright2 you need to read again or see below.
POLICE HAVE BEEN AT MY HOUSE BECAUSE MY EX CALLED THEM WHEN I CONTACTED HER.
I ONLY CALLED SS ASKING ADVICE AND HAVNT GAVE NAMES YET.
I am at the end of the line of sitting quietly waiting in the hope that the situation will change.

Agreed, it seems we have an influx at the moment of 'poor men' with their awful ex wives and their totally reasonable, not at all arsehole behaviour. And yet, 'works away a lot', 'petty' arguments, blocked on all social media for 'no reason'. I call bingo.

I'm sure the wife has a totally different story. And probably has some insight into why of all the places he's choosing to try and get some emotional support, he's choosing a forum populated by women. Are you used to women providing your emotional labour OP?

SS are there for the children. They are not there for you, so will certainly not get involved with you unless ordered by the court or summoned by the police because you are an immediate danger to the children.

You won't get what you're looking for here. You need legal advice. Sitting around doing nothing certainly will not help.

@Doyoumind not entirely correct, with the accusations I can easily get access through a contact centre, as I said above in the original post that is not Something I want to put the kiss through, I’ll also add I had the kids for 3 days on my own 4 days before this madness kicked off so if there was a problem that wouldn’t of happened. What you are missing is I asked for divorce and seen a different person emerge.

I was going to say the same as youtow. It's not a matter for SS at all. They won't facilitate contact. It's not their role. If your ex is stopping contact a solicitor is the first port of call.

@Ifeelsuchflutterings correct, I like a drink when I do not have have the kids, prior to the initial separation I checked out out of the marriage and would have had no problem going to the pub leaving my ex with the kids, a lot has changed in the last couple of years, and the only time the family have seen me drink was a few glasses of wine at Christmas (not getting drunk) the ex still brought drink up in most agreement’s which was heartbreaking because it clearly showed she didn’t see the effort and changes I was making.

@Sushibecomesme thanks I’ll look in to that

@katmarie as stated in the original post we had two parts of separating, they were 6-8 weeks each my guess for the NC was 1 she didn’t want us to try again because without a doubt the love was still there.
2 I asked for divorce and it wasn’t what she wanted.
3 yes I worked away and when I finally came home and thought we’d be seeing each other more, guess what that didn’t work around all her new appointments that I new nothing about till I stopped working.

@Ifeelsuchflutterings because in my opinion getting legal is 100% an escalation of any situation, a situation all while living separately we said we would never do for the sake of the kids.
CMS please they are a joke and to be honest what they requested I pay was an insult to any human being.
after the NC I <~~ yes me contacted them but insultingly they came up with figure 9 times less of that I’d paid for the previous 2 years and that didn’t include the the clothes, shoes, shopping, fuel, clubs costs holidays and everything else.

@youtwoandme maybe you should give them a call because they are happy to get involved as an intermediary to stop an escalation of a situation between two parents (FOR THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN)

Getting legal is your only option, I am going through something similar although it's complicated.

I have been blocked from my children for nearly five months now, not even a phone call. I've not been reported to police or social services either. I haven't reported her either because it would make it worse.

I instructed a solicitor to regain access, no response and when we tried again I got hit with legal threats accusing me of being dangerous and to stay away. Even though, I had the children alone the last time I saw them all fine.

As I said I am now five months in, they offered contact centre but haven't responded and don't seem to intend to that was over a month ago. You cannot easily get contact centre unless she agrees and fulfills it.

I am now waiting for court and had I known back along, I would have filed sooner.

If you don't pose a risk and there are no sagsguardinf concerns there's no reason you'd be in a contact centre. They're in demand and expensive and required for families who do meet that criteria.
If you're being economical with the truth then you might end up in a contact centre..you'll know what's really going on.
Get your act together and be honest with yourself and a solicitor about what's going on. You should have sought legal advice as soon as contact was stopped. And children's services won't just randomly drug test you.

Not really sure what you are implying by this.
Very strange.

@JibbaJab I’m sorry to hear your situation, personally I now a contact centre might get me access, I just think it’s disgusting of my ex to put the kids through that when it is not necessary, I also do not want to sit with and be classed the same as 80% of the parents there because of an upset ex. Jesus surly as parents we are bigger than playing these games.

after the NC I <~~ yes me contacted them

If you are still paying maintenence why did you need to contact the CMS?