Page 3 | Can you tell me the best / worst things about separating from your partner?

Winniethepig · 2023-08-11T10:05:45+00:00

Just this.... Considering leaving my partner because I do almost everything. Drop offs pick ups, dinner, shopping, listening to constant complaints about how the house is a midden. Even though it isn't, we have a cleaner once a fortnight. I fo all the washing and the get complaints when the folding isn't done instantly. Complaints about how the kids rooms are a mess even though they were playing in there 5 mins ago. Never does bath time. I do PJs, both bedtimes, and I have a full time job, take care of the kids when sick. Need to get my parents down when DH has to have them by himself.... I am so run down. What steps do I take? This is going to get ugly.

Almostwelsh · 29/08/2023 21:05

@Cupcakekiller he left me. Several years ago.

HappyToSmile · 31/08/2023 00:40

Best bits: Although I'm still doing everything, I no longer have the resentment I used to have because he isnt doing any of it! I've got "me" back. No longer feeling lonely while someone else is in the same room. Not being late for literally everything.
Worst bits- financially things are much trickier. Still having to put up with my ex and his narcissistic ways and his lack of organisation due to us having children.

Meandyouandyouandme · 31/08/2023 11:05

Best bits: being able to go to bed and sleep when I want. It’s my day off today, I’ve slept in and now enjoying a leisurely breakfast in my own little terraced house. It maybe small but it’s all mine, and everything is where I put it. My children are now grown up, been separated 3 years, divorced for 2 and should have done it years ago! He would make me go to bed at a certain time and in the morning crash around so to wake us all up, now can sleep in and even have a peaceful nana nap in the afternoon if needs be.

Worst bits: I’m on a lowish wage, but I’m ok and will manage, if we were still together we could be retiring soon, I’m 55. I got the retirement fund to buy my house outright. So am lucky that finances were ok.

It's daunting, life is short and it takes bravery to end a marriage, but you’ll feel amazing afterwards.

Mummykins54 · 01/09/2023 11:34

@Meandyouandyouandme your post really hit home. I am now 3 years down the line with divorce proceedings. We had agreed a figure then his pension pot dived dramatically. He was verbally abusive to me which he denies of course. It is so hard

Original poster

Winniethepig · 02/09/2023 11:29

God the feeling like a single parent thing really hit home for me today. I had to take the kids to a birthday party and a mum asked my if I was a single parent because she hadn't seen DH much. Very judgemental and should never have been asked.

Also, I converse with some of our mutual friends who are a couple who have just had twins, and he is literally always up with them helping out. I feel so angry that DH hasn't even seen how other fathers help their partners.

Thinking about it, I probably am I single parent, just with the benefits of the extra income and the maybe 15% time he puts in with the eldest child.

Sorry. Just venting. I am going through therapy on my own. Post that will decide if I want DH to do couples therapy.

OP posts:

rockingbird · 02/09/2023 16:55

Truth is OP you'll actually have more time to yourself if you split. One weekend a fortnight here .. I do the diy, the deep clean and on the odd occasion actually go out and meet friends! Something I was never able to before. That said I've done all the childcare and worked (remotely) through the whole summer holidays whilst he's been off playing fucking golf. 🙄

Jas683 · 03/09/2023 09:33

Meandyouandyouandme · 31/08/2023 11:05

Best bits: being able to go to bed and sleep when I want. It’s my day off today, I’ve slept in and now enjoying a leisurely breakfast in my own little terraced house. It maybe small but it’s all mine, and everything is where I put it. My children are now grown up, been separated 3 years, divorced for 2 and should have done it years ago! He would make me go to bed at a certain time and in the morning crash around so to wake us all up, now can sleep in and even have a peaceful nana nap in the afternoon if needs be.

Worst bits: I’m on a lowish wage, but I’m ok and will manage, if we were still together we could be retiring soon, I’m 55. I got the retirement fund to buy my house outright. So am lucky that finances were ok.

It's daunting, life is short and it takes bravery to end a marriage, but you’ll feel amazing afterwards.

Edited

Right with you.

I'm a 55 year old starting out again. Sounds like you are at peace with your life, well done.

Jas683 · 03/09/2023 09:35

rockingbird · 02/09/2023 16:55

Truth is OP you'll actually have more time to yourself if you split. One weekend a fortnight here .. I do the diy, the deep clean and on the odd occasion actually go out and meet friends! Something I was never able to before. That said I've done all the childcare and worked (remotely) through the whole summer holidays whilst he's been off playing fucking golf. 🙄

Irratating that you have found the holidays difficult but you can hold your head up for all the right reasons.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 03/09/2023 12:29

OnAir · 24/08/2023 04:13

Best bit

I don't have to look at his face anymore.
I don't have to speak to him anymore.
I don't have to be near him anymore.

Worst bits

None.

You know what, our divorce was as amicable as it's possible to be, but that really resonated with me. I've been divorced years and lately I've thought what the hell did I see in him? he was tightfisted, dull, borderline abusive and stupid in a lot of ways (like thinking what a work superstar he was and SO much cleverer than everyone else).

And I don't have to deal with that. I've had some rough times since but I've never thought I wish X was here to support me through this - because he wouldn't have anyway.

rockingbird · 03/09/2023 13:01

Absolutely @Jas683
They have been with him this weekend and I've got my arse in gear and done more diy. They've stayed in all weekend doing nothing! Such a sorry mess, he spent their younger years working/living if overseas.. now he's back we've split (due to his double dick brain life overseas) and still he does nothing with them. They see it, I've tried to point it out but he just don't seem to get it. Plenty of time for golf though!!