Had to call ex DH to come over... what else could I have done?

[Churrotime]

Sat in tears as I feel like I'll never be able to function without him. We've been separated 4 months and I've done well so far. However whilst looking after our children this afternoon, I came over with crippling stomach cramps, rolling around on the floor. My 8 year old was crying and the pain was so debilitating I could barely speak and was sweating. I then had to swiftly get to a toilet and went all faint before almost passing out before passing diarrhoea.

I have zero family around me.

My daughter brought me my phone and I instantly called my ex as I genuinely thought I was about to collapse in pain. I already have a bowel condition and it appears I've come down with a stomach bug, so I do get intense, crippling stomach pains not dissimilar to child birth due to my already sensitive stomach. The pain is so similar to child birth infact that I didn't even realise that I was in labour during the early stages and almost gave birth in the car as I thought the pain would have been worse.

He came over within 15 minutes and he found me in the bathroom in a right state. My daughter crying next to me. He came in and held my hand whilst I'm sat there shitting, my torso draped over his shoulder! I then threw up in the sink! He had to help me to bed.

I'm so embarrassed.
But also how do I be ill in the future when he's not around to help/be there for our kids? He has since taken them for the evening and I'm able to rest but I'm just devastated that I had to rely on him. Luckily, he still has a key for our house. It's not like I could ever call on a friend to find me in such a state. My daughter was terrified when she found me in such a state.

Although he's helped me, he hasn't exactly understood why I called him saying "it's not like you haven't had pain like that before." I've had to explain to him that it's completely different when I'm solely responsible for our kids and in that level of pain. It is genuinely the worst pain I've ever had when my stomach is off.

Hate that I've had to rely on him.
And hate even more that he's had to come in the bathroom to me whilst having diarrhoea! 🤦‍♀️

Thanks to those who've supported.
I'm going to go back to sleep and forget about it.

I think Miss Marple (the irony) thinks I'm creating accounts to back myself (hence the sock puppeting). It hasn't occurred to her that other people might disagree with her callous remarks. Not that I'm offended. I know a troll when i see one.

@MissMarpleofstmarymead would you give over telling people your a nurse, then being so cold and nasty for no reason? You'll be giving us a bad name. And you must work in bloody outpatients if you can't grasp someone being in so much pain they can't put on a brave face. My kids have seen me with trigeminal neuralgia, there was nothing brave about me. I would expect a nurse to understand a bodies response to these pains.

Really feel for you OP, the pain sounds awful.

However I have to say that I would never ever had called an ex in these circumstances. I would either deal with the pain itself or if I needed help and someone was available I’d call a friend/family to help me. If it was so bad I genuinely thought I was dying I would have called an ambulance (but only as an absolute last resort).

Ex’s only involvement should have been to take care of the kids in my opinion - of course that’s his job. But I don’t think it’s his job to come into the toilet.

For people saying it’s his “job” to step up - yes it is, but only to help with the kids. He’s not OP’s husband or carer now. If I was his new girlfriend or wife (if he has one) I’d be pretty bloody miffed if he’d have been called in to do what is essentially personal care for his ex.

And what, wait 303838291 hours for paramedics to show up when all that needed to happen was the ex to take the kids? Fuck sake.

He is their father, of course he is the first point of contact in this type of situation. For their safety and well-being- they needed cared for. I think you’re overthinking this a bit to be honest, rest up and get better, and have a rethink with a clearer mind when you are recovered

This. I have had similar attacks and needed help from strangers. He came for the dc but had the decency to help you too. Hope you get a good rest, I'm usually wiped out for a day after.

Sounds like a gallbladder attack OP everything you described. Have it taken out! Then this won’t happen again.

Although I don't have children or any of the conditions you have, OP, I've been there i.e. thinking I'm going to collapse/pass out from pain on the toilet.

I now have a stock of towels/bath mats within reach of the wc with the idea I will put them down/cover sharp edges to break my fall, should I ever be in that situation again.

FWIW, I think calling your ex was absolutely the correct thing to do in the circumstances in which you found yourself.

Pointless calling an ambulance as they're only being despatched for Cat. 1 calls.

Get a grip?! Totally uncalled for and absolutely bloody awful to minimise the pain someone is in, especially when they have disclosed their ongoing, chronic, bowel related condition. Have you seen someone in so much bowel pain that they are crying and screaming? I'm going to say no, considering your callous reply but I have very recently (feel free to check my on going thread for details) and am embarassed for you that you can be so uncaring, sorry!

OP, if you are still reading I'm so sorry for you with the ordeal that you've been though, I think the criticism you've received is cruel & unwarranted.
It sounds as if you and your ex are able to work as a team for the benefit of your children and that is something to be proud of.
I wish you all the best🙏💙

I’ve been a single parent the whole of my daughters life, you simply get on with it. Don’t let them get all worked up, just say mummy needs five mins in the bathroom if you can watch tv and then business as usual 😩

It's uncontrollable pain, you get sick, dizzy, hands tingling, sweaty hot and cold and go grey and the pain is a 10 - like labour contractions. It is not something you can hide or control your reaction. You can hardly speak.

OP - I get this. I take 2 immodium and an antispasmodic like buscopan as soon as I feel the tell tale twinges start. I keep them in the bathroom cupboard. That lessens the severity of the time I am in severe pain and feeling faint - a cold flannel on the face helps as well- I lie on the floor in the recovery position as soon as possible. Its horrific. It's not an ambulance situation though as they can't do anything and you are better off in your own bathroom. But you should discuss with uour gp as you can be prescribed anti spasmodics.

In future call your Ex to look after the kids but once you can deal with the attacks behind a closed door it will help your confidence in coping as a single parent.

You can explain to the kids now what it was happened (appropriately) and although it looks bad you just need to wait for the pain to pass. That they shouldn't be upset or worried if it happens - as it's not nice but it will go when you take your medicine. And can they pass you a cold flannel please!

Are you for real? Your posts are pure spite, doilied up as concern for the children.

This post popped out at me as I've been in a similar situation recently. I'm very disheartened by the ferocity of anger directed at the OP and she's done well not to let it get to her. We are all human with our own flaws and we deal with life the best we can. I have chronic illnesses and whether I like it or not, it impacts on my ability to parent occasionally. My family don't live nearby and my 5 year old would not just leave me unless it was with her daddy. Well done if you can manage a young child with debilitating pain etc but it's not necessarily in the best interests of the child to be around when "mummy is poorly" and your co parent is willing to help.
There is mum guilt after this situation such as embarrassment, disappointment and frustration of having to call your ex but desperation to safeguard your child is your natural first response.
OP - I hope you feel better soon, decompress, don't be too hard on yourself, make emergency plans for the future (even if it still includes your ex).
Everyone else, if you can't be kind just keep it to yourself and maybe question why you're being so hurtful to someone who's feeling so vulnerable. Saying things like "get a grip" or "put your big girls pants on" etc are not helpful.

Why should the OP suck it up and struggle just because other people haven't got active and healthy co-parenting relationships? It isn't a rush to the bottom.

Him being in the bathroom probably was a bit too personal and the posters making suggestions about making the bathroom safer, having a stocked medicine cabinets, a plan for any future attacks is probably a good thing to do. That would include him being there to take care of your child because he's a decent co-parent and no doubt you'd do the same for him if he was unwell.

It could also be a good idea of you and your ex communicating the plans with your daughter as well, but also reassuring her that if she's ever unsure she can always call her dad for advice and support.

It doesn't sound like five minutes in the bathroom was adequate for the level of debilitating pain suffered by the OP.

I’m really sorry you had to go through this. My experience was different, I don’t have the same thing, but I used to have this weird period stuff in the past where I’d have massive pain, weird temperature stuff, vomiting and diarrhoea, fainting. I was debilitated through it- massively. If it happened while I was out and about I’d be stranded nearby until someone I knew could collect me, because the pain was so bad and the digestive stuff was so extreme- I couldn’t talk, walk or understand anything. Never found out what it was, got better after the birth of my child. It was worse than some stages of labour.

Basically, you did what you needed to do to survive the moment. I know that that feels like. I know it’s shit. Please be kind to yourself, you were desperate. It doesn’t matter if you need to call in him, he is the father of your children after all. Just cope with it how you can, regardless if he understands.

@TheShellBeach The point is, when you have no one to help you really do find a way to cope.

At the time it is what was needed. He will always be their parent and should always be there for the children when you cannot be or if they need it.
If he was comfortable supporting you in the bathroom then good you got that support. I’m sure it’s not something you want frequently or on a long term basis (understandably), for example it won’t be suitable if he meets someone so there needs to be a new plan for you going forward, but he is equally responsible for his kids. Hope you are feeling better now op.

Reported for what exactly? Op has every right to be angry at people suggesting she should "get a grip" or that her exh should have full custody because of her illness!

You were right to call him especially if he is your children's dad. I hope you are feeling better x

Hi OP hope you manage to control the pain and get some sleep tonight.
It was an emergency situation, most people don't plan for them until they pop up. When you feel better put a plan in place with your ex for next time. Take care

But clearly at this point in time, she did have someone to help. Was it ideal for her? Clearly not, but she did what she had to do at the time. Going by her post, she's only had this a xouple of times while she was with the ex and this is the first episode she's had since they split. Now having experienced this as a single parent, she can hopefully put a plan together going forward so her ex (and children) doesn't have to see her in sucj vulnerable position again.

I get why you rang him, but realistically you can't ring him every time you get a bout of the squits.

This is an incredibly nasty thing to say to someone who is very obviously living with a chronic bowel condition, which was very clear from the OP's first post before she even said it was IBD.

I think I'd definitely, for peace of mind, be more prepared in future so have in the bathroom / nearby

Bottled water
Hand sanitizer
Wipes
Towels
Maybe a nightie or something

You could also maybe keep a couple of kids magazines to hand to give them to distract them?