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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Support thread for those divorcing against stbex wishes (2)

988 replies

mammynowanauntyIRL · 22/10/2018 18:11

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex original thread

OP posts:
Tiddleypops · 29/08/2019 16:10

@DishingOutDone this really made me laugh...

"you hear of people breaking up and walking away, he goes back to his mum and finds someone else to torment. I am sure that would be nirvana for all of us."

It's sooo true! Oh how I wish my H would trot off into the sunset with OW! 😂
When he split up with his ex, he went back to his mums. She won't sodding have him this time Angry

RoseMartha · 29/08/2019 17:28

@Itistimeandiamscared so sorry you are struggling with everything. It is really hard, i get exhausted by the end of the day. Even though when h was living with us he didnt do anything at all around the house, i feel it all taking me twice as long now he has gone. Which is weird, i think maybe i had got to the point where i was doing bare minimum of jobs and we have had and still have school holidays and i never accomplish as much with the kids at home all the time.

Sending you 🤗 you are strong, you can do this, one day at a time. If you are like me you put too much pressure on yourself.

Thanks for asking after me. 🤗 H is currently talking to me. Dont trust him at all. Things fairly tough with kids and puberty hormones and elderly parent issues.

I know his behaviour is a control thing, even now he is trying to 'put me in my place'. And scare me into submission.

@Tiddleypops sorry to hear of money worries. It is so tough when on top of everything else is the legal fees. I have currently paid my solicitor double she quoted and still more to go. I try not to think abt it as still have conveying fees at some point.

@user1486131602
Does her boyfriend live with his parents? If so is there anyway you can contact them?

@DishingOutDone oh no. Thats all you need. I hope that funding is available for her 🤗

I too would like h to find a new woman dont know how long she would put up with him though. And he has lots of online relationships as well.

Tiddleypops · 29/08/2019 17:47

@RoseMartha, keep on keeping on. You sound so much more positive and as though you are gaining some power now that he has gone. You are doing so well x

H, who cannot afford to contribute towards his sons birthday party or contribute anything to me for putting a roof over his head, has just rolled in from the pub Angry Wanker.

user1486131602 · 29/08/2019 18:54

RoseMartha
Yes he lives with his parents, who have told her she can stay as long as she likes.
The parents are away on holiday !
So, my 16yr old is playing house and her dad is funding that!
What’s the point.

clpsmum · 29/08/2019 19:00

@user1486131602 OMG how bloody irresponsible of his parents and her dad. Ffs I actually don't know what I can say to make you feel better but they are all enabling her behaviour and as adults they should know better. Sending hugs

clpsmum · 29/08/2019 19:01

@DishingOutDone thank you for reading it there's some good advice on there I just don't know where to start tbh. I can't believe it's all such a mess and I'm still in this shitty situation 😩

clpsmum · 29/08/2019 19:13

@RoseMartha totally agree with you wouldn't life be easier if they just found theirselves another partner and left us alone

ItsInTheSpoon · 29/08/2019 21:09

@DishingOutDone the settlement agreed that I have the house but he’s dragging his heels

user1486131602 · 30/08/2019 20:37

Sorry ladies been clawing my way back up from the bottom of a wallowing pit! Pity party over!
So, today STBXH calls my son to find out what happening with dd......doesn’t want to speak to me just put ds in the middle, cretin!
Dd is not home. Had not contacted anyone here, just her dad for money.
STBXH only given me 1/2 the food money for a month as he funded dd at boyfs house! Which means I actually paid for it! Cretin!
I haven’t tried to contact my daughter since weds, wanted see how long she would leave it til she contacted me. Spoke on weds cos she wanted me to order a dress for a wedding party. No.
She’s starting college on Monday. And that’s all I know.

Had court papers for STBXH today, asked for his solicitors address, no reply....oh well then, I returned them to the court!
Zero dark thirty works both ways....and they were telling him the date the nisi was being issued.( had solicitors copy myself)
I have tried to be fair and decent. Tried no contact. Tried being civil.
Now trying school of cretin!
Hope the weekend brings you all calm and peace
Love 💕 and hugs 🤗

RoseMartha · 31/08/2019 23:20

@user1486131602 how are things? I hope you can make contact with your daughter soon.

@Tiddleypops not fair re ds birthday 🤗🤗

user1486131602 · 01/09/2019 23:03

RoseMartha
She promised to call sat...didn’t
Promised to call today...didn’t . Too busy, but not too busy to argue with me by txt.
I’ve now told her that she has to contact me, I’m not crying myself to sleep over this anymore.
And her dad deducted all the money he gave her from the £150 food a month he gives me for both of them.
So if she’s not home soon, he will have the legal right to force the sale of the house?

RoseMartha · 02/09/2019 02:01

@user1486131602 not good, sorry to hear this. Are her boyfriends parents back? Can you contact them?

Sending 🤗🤗🤗🤗

I have had trouble with defiant 12 years olds hence me still awake at 2am!!!

user1486131602 · 02/09/2019 10:36

Nope! His parents are away for another week!
Sorry to hear of your troubles too
❤️🤗

RoseMartha · 02/09/2019 14:35

That is a shame. But when tjey told her she could stay they might not have meant indefinitely once they are home.

Ty. 12 year olds who think they are 18 but only as mature as seven year olds in reality. 😕🙄

user1486131602 · 02/09/2019 15:59

No, they have told her she can stay as long as she needs! She’s always there so it’s not much of a difference for them. I totally get I have a 16 yr old who thinks she 25 and behaving like a 12yr old. Wanna swap?

I have endured so much throughout my life, details don’t matter, this divorce has been emotionally exhausting but this, with my daughter is beyond heartbreaking. I love her but am broken💀
Things were supposed to get easier for us, I am fighting every day for a safe secure home for them. And she’s not here. And wont talk to me.
So, what’s the point.

RoseMartha · 02/09/2019 17:25

Hmmm I dont think it would work in your favour to swap as the ASD and ODD behaviours are an hourly nightmare. Dr refused to assess for ODD but I know they have it. Plus other issues also.

Your situation is not fair and I would be heartbroken too. 🤗 maybe try giving her a bit of space and do not try and call her for a couple of days, see if that makes a difference.

Am I imagining it or do you have a son too? Is he in contact with his sister?

It certainly is heartbreaking after the emotional fight in the divorce. But she wont get that as probably can only see things from her POV.

Is there a support person at the new college you could contact?

user1486131602 · 02/09/2019 18:09

I have been giving her space, she been there for almost 2 weeks.
I have not contacted her for 3/4 days, she doesn’t bother. She doesn’t answer her brothers messages either. Only her dad, cos he’s giving her money. I don’t know anything at all about college, I still don’t know what gcse results she had!
Her dad goes away next week, and her boyfriends parents are back. I have asked them to stop enabling her and send her home.
Their response was she happy and safe, and they can’t do anything as they are away!
STBXH is sure to stop drinking, cut his holiday short, and fly home buy a place for her to live. Not!
But by then he might of forced me to sell the house as she’s the youngest and doesn’t live here.

I just give up.
I hope her dad is worth her trust, I know he’s not.
I hope her boyfriend and parents are looking for a lodger.

RoseMartha · 02/09/2019 22:04

🤗🤗🤗🤗

I dont know what to suggest except hang on in there and hopefully when his parents are back it might eventually motivate her to return.

Have you been to CA or rung SS for advice.

user1486131602 · 02/09/2019 22:50

She is 16 and the in law she doesn’t need my permission, but I’m legally responsible for her til she’s 18 ...go figure!
If Im totally honest,
I’m petrified she’s going to come home pregnant and then her choices will be different. She is a very bright girl, always A* so I don’t want that spoilt. That won’t be her boyfriends parents problem or her dads. They will leave me to sort it out.
I’m so scared 😦 I don’t think with everything else I could cope with it. Her dad doesn’t know she having sex, her boyfriends parents do and she’s on birth control. But.........
And without baring my soul or outing myself, I don’t want history to repeat itself. It has affected my whole life. I don’t want that for her.
But what I want doesn’t seem to matter. I have to sit back and watch all our lives collapse because her dad thinks it’s better to use her to get at me. 💔

RoseMartha · 04/09/2019 19:32

Any news @user1486131602 been thinking about you and the impossible situation you are in

user1486131602 · 04/09/2019 22:02

No. Nothing. I have sent her a message saying she should let me know when she’s ready to talk until then just know how much I love her. She hasn’t answered. But, her dad is away on hols soon and I’m sure that we will be able to talk it thru without him meddling!
So, I’m just being patient.
Thx for thinking of me.
I hope things are improving for you now the kids are back to school!

clpsmum · 06/09/2019 20:59

@RoseMartha omg are you me? I have one dc with asd and one with odd and an arsehole stbxh! We are twins! How
Bloody ridiculous your dr wouldn't refer them for diagnosis why on Earth not? Can you self refer to camhs? Sorry know this is nothing to do with the ex's.

@user1486131602 I actually don't k ow what to say to you to make you feel any better. What a totally horrific situation you are in and I wish there were some way I could help. You ho early have my sympathy and anytime you want to vent/cry/scream I am here. Sending big hugs your way

user1486131602 · 06/09/2019 22:36

Thanks clpsmum.
Just waiting. What else can I do?
Hope things are better for you x

monalisa21 · 06/09/2019 23:59

I will join you if I may

It is upsetting to read all of your stories, but comforting at the same time that we are all going through some tough time. Four years later after I first saw a solicitor, I am still at the crossroads, however a bit closer to my destination. Feeling guilty as some of you describe as I am breaking up my family and wanting to leave stxh after being together over 20 years. He hasn't been working for 5 years, I have been a sole bread winner. We are still living together as he is refusing to move out. I am struggling mainly due to the fact that I have no family in the country and no one to take my kids to over the weekend to relax and to escape from him. His mother is just unbelievable, insulting me, saying lies to kids that I have a boyfriend etc. He won't admit that what broke the relationship was his infidelity for several years (not the first one) and 101 other reasons. He can be so abusive as he is so angry with me wanting to divorce him. The other day he was screaming at me repeatedly in front of the kids 'you c...t' when I told him that his training bag had been stolen from the car. I have been sleeping for a year now on the floor in my son's' bedroom to avoid sexual advances from him. He had been stalking me, installed GPS in the car, had been recording me. I am paying every single bill including the mortgage and his food. Still cooking for him to avoid abuse from him. He has been so manipulative and I have been too scared to be firm with him. He is demanding to sell the house and split 50/50. I have just put the house on the market. My son just started his secondary school across the road from our house...I am meaning everyday to come up with an offer to him, but find this so daunting, dealing with him being so unreasonable, divorce, finances, full time job, 2 emotional kids.

I still have doubts, I feel a lot of the time that I am being selfish wanting a better life. Good luck everyone, keep going, don't give up. x

ItsInTheSpoon · 07/09/2019 11:42

@monalisa21 that is all awful. Have a hug and welcome to this horrible club!! You’re doing the right thing x