Support thread for those divorcing against stbex wishes (2)

[mammynowanauntyIRL]

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex original thread

@RoseMartha thank you so much. I'm actually ok just shocked and he sees it as no big deal. Everything, as always, is my fault. Kids thankfully weren't there. My middle DC is disabled and stbxh has no decided he's not taking him anymore just the other two, I've said no to this and he thinks I'm being awkward!

@clpsmum so sorry and well done for standing your ground. He should have all of them no matter what. However after hitting you, I would be wary of him having your dc on his own unsupervised.

clpsmum
All of that is domestic abuse, call the police on 101 and ask for the domestic violence team. They will arrest him if you make a statement. That will stop the stbxh in his tracks, they don’t like to held accountable.
If you let it go.....don’t think that it will be last time.
It’s none of his business who you do/don’t see!
Please have a gin, put the kids to bed then call the police.
If you decide not to, put EVERYTHING in your journal, time and date it in case it escalates.

I’m sorry to hear that he would do this, but, it’s just a reflection of him and NOTHING to do with you. Think about it would you have ever behaved like that. No, didn’t think so. So right there he’s shown his true colours,
Sending you 💕 and hugs 🤗

I agree with user I hope you have all this logged with the police? Van you remind us of your housing situation @clpsmum - how come he thinks he can move back in? Is it a joint tenancy or a house you both own? I think you have enough for an occupation order by the sounds of it?

Final question - have you talked this through with the National Domestic Violence helpline, I've found them invaluable and much better than WA - www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk - they can refer you to a charity who will help you with an occupation order application to court. Sorry if you knew all this already.

"Can you remind us" - that should read!!

@DishingOutDone we own the house jointly although I'm the one paying the mortgage. It's not logged with the police but I think I will phone the helpline and look at occupation order thank you. Thank you user I am definitely going to write everything down now and start logging things because it's getting ridiculous. It's been almost two years and we are no further forward that we were at the beginning. He just won't accept that's it's over. It's so draining

@clpsmum oh blimey I had no idea you weren't able to progress things. You definitely need advice - have you seen a solicitor? (again sorry if you said a lot of this already)

@DishingOutDone yes seen a solicitor who said I have to wait the full two years from official separation to file for divorce and then advised to stay married as long as possible so he can't force the sale of the house.

I've moved on with my life and he just refuses to

Clpsmum
I suggest you see another solicitor.
If there is ANY form of abuse you can divorce him after 6 months with or without his permission!
Call the helpl8nes we have told you about, journal everything you can remember in the last yr, take to the solicitor. Or do, it yourself. Form d11 from the court, you will need proof he’s had the divorce petition but didn’t sign/ acknowledge it. I used a text that mine had sent!
Good luck!

Good advice user.

Struggling today. He's just been on the phone for the last hour sobbing and apologising and begging for us to get back together

@user1486131602 thank you! I will call the helplines. Unfortunately it's not a straight forward situation which doesn't help. Just all feels so fucked up and never ending right now tbh. Pass me the gin (unicorn or otherwise hahH)

Clpsmum
🦄🦄🦄💕🦄🦄🦄
That’s what he wants, you struggling to make sense of things. Eff him, and eff that!
Time to worry about you and your path to freedom. Call the lines, get advice and follow it. NO divorce is ever straightforward, mine either! It’s up to you to decide how much you will put up with....he’s not going to change.
I’m sitting here encouraging you and at the same time having palpitations and anxiety attacks because I can ‘feel’ that mine is cooking something up! See, nothing is easy and our problem is that we ‘know’ them so well.

I have said this over and over:
You cannot change how he behaves....you can only Chen age your reaction to it/him.
My way has been to step away from the chaos. Only deal with things one at a time. One each day...ONLY ONE,

This rule does not apply to unicorn gin 🦄🦄🦄🤪😂🤣🦄🦄!!
Love 💕 and hugs 🤗

@clpsmum as user has said only you can change and decide enough is enough. And act on it to stop it. It is hard and its long and it takes every bit of strength we have and we are here for you and for each other.

Remember one day at a time.
Sending 🤗🤗🤗

I have been having more issues with h but wont go into it now.

Urgh really bad day. H is being unreasonable and abusive to me in front of kids and refusing various things and threatening me.

@RoseMartha - oh no - how did this happen, did he come round or was it contact time with the kids? Was his behaviour bad enough that you can use it for evidence?

@DishingOutDone it was a contact day. I dont know but I am ringing solicitors in the morning. He twisted things and blamed me for various things which were not my fault at all. The swearing and aggression directed at me in front of kids was awful he would not stop when I asked. Big issue over contact. And threatened to get other people he knows to threaten me. I basically hardly said anything as freeze a bit when in those situations but he also did not give me opportunity to reply. He was meant to be having kids at weekend now will not commit. Also now refusing to co operate with anything. He wants house sold immediately .

Oh @RoseMartha that sounds awful. I'm so sorry its escalated. I hope your solicitor can help, let us know how you get on - would you prefer it if he didn't have the kids this weekend in any case?

Do you want to sell the house? I assume you will get more equity so as to provide a home for the DCs? (Sorry if this is in thread history I'm shit at scrolling back I can never find anything)

@RoseMartha he sounds like an abusive arse. I'm sorry that happened to you and your children had to witness it. Hope you are ok? Is he going to take the children or are you still not getting a straight answer? I hope a solicitor can help xxx

@clpsmum and @DishingOutDone
Another run in today same issue. Was aggressive and insulting and rude and completely unreasonable which was a big reminder of some of the many reasons why I ended the marriage in the first place. Left me in tears.

Kids who didnt see me upset today then went in for the kill copying phrases he had used on me the other day. All I needed. 🙄 felt delicate and depressed and a nervous wreck for a couple of hours.

Kids went but chose to come back early which he was finally ok about. He Actually spoke to me like a rational human being when I collected them.

Still dont trust him at all. He is so volatile and unpredictable mood wise. You think you know what will set him off and then something completely normal sets him off and you dont understand why. 😬🙄😕

@DishingOutDone
We have to sell the house. He wouldnt agree to other options. He wants his percentage now and fed up with waiting. But the finance order hasnt even been sent to court yet. He is refusing to wait for this and told me he will gain entry to the house and put it on market without my permission. To which I told him he needs my permission. As he didnt like my reply got very nasty and threatening.

@RoseMartha so sorry you are going through this. It's so hard isn't it. Do you have support in RL?

So after last weeks decision by my stbxh not to take all DcS overnight again he did take them overnight 😩 actually sick and tired of second guessing his stupid games.

Been on the phone checking up on my and begging for another chance all week! It's been almost two years how long will this continue for ffs and how many times can I say the same thing.

Icing on the cake this week was when he took out his wallet to give me money he owed me and there were two rolled up twenty pound notes in it (rolled up for snorting drugs if you see what I mean). Confronted him and he tried to tell me that's how he'd been given them. Seriously wondering if I do have MUG tattooed on my forehead and I'm just not noticing it 😡

@clpsmum 🤗🤗🤗 with the child contact they sound like the sane man. After h not committing to contact time it is then twisted and made into my fault. I was accused the other day of messing the kids about after he refused to have them. How is that my fault!! I am guessing might be similar for you.

Not good re the rolled money. I agree with you I think all these h's think we have MUG tattooed on our foreheads. H said something yesterday and I thought to myself that if he thinks I believe him when he is clearly lying he must think I am stupid.

Now it has been two years for you can it not progress a bit now?

I have limited support in rl. My parents are elderly and ill, I have to support them. I have a sibling who has kids who is sympathetic but will not help me practically and I also support them by looking after her children when needed, she will not usually return the favour. I needed emergency child care this week and my friends were either away or not able to help because although they have offered to help when it comes down to it they wont so that kind of help is virtually a no, as no one wants to look after my SN child. And I have to end up cancelling plans/work or taking the kids with me.

And just when I thought things could get no worse.
My 16 yr old daughter has completely cut me off and moved out!
I don’t know which subjects she passed, if she in college, when she starts? Nothing.
But her dad does.

Empty.💀💔