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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Age 50 female separating from DH ... anyone else in same position?

830 replies

midnightmoon8 · 03/10/2018 09:15

Hello, my DH (of 10 years) & I are separating (amicably) and he is moving out tomorrow. I'm 50 and we have no children. I have very mixed emotions about it all. Is anyone else in the same position so we can keep each other company on Mumsnet through our journey ahead over the next few weeks/months?

OP posts:
Jem45 · 10/06/2019 10:17

I had a dreadful night too! I dreamt there was a volcano erupting and I was trying to escape my house with my kids ( and guess who wasn’t there to help me!) So blooming vivid! I hate that moment of waking up when I remember everything that’s going on and it hits me that this is now my life! I completely understand how you’re feeling as I just can’t believe this is happening. I struggle with remembering our past as it all seems tarnished now- when I was happy was he already planning to destroy us? I wish I could see into the future and know I’ll have a life after all of this. X

DishingOutDone · 10/06/2019 23:28

Ever since things got even worse than usual here, before Christmas, I've been having recurring dreams about a group of people I used to work with 20 years ago. Its like something out of a film script - I used to work in an office where, coincidentally, many people had formed into couples so there were 4 couples in one relatively small office room! Anyway, I keep dreaming about two of the couples. I had a few weeks where it stopped and I thought thank god then yesterday I was unwell and I dreamt that I was seeing a doctor. In the surgery the doctor turned round and it was one of the men in those couples! I thought oh fucking hell not you again!! So they're back. I wish I knew what it meant! Anyway sorry just had to share that.

I did speak to a real doctor today about being unwell and he asked about stress at home, I gave him the edited highlights and he said hesitantly "is there any chance any of this stress can be ... removed?" Oh I wish Sad

mybrilliantmind · 11/06/2019 17:24

My 'stress' is decamping to Donnington for Download festival for the next 5 days I can't help but look at the torrential rain and smile. It's going to be a chilled few days for me and DD. I've got a few job apps to submit and the initial panic over my new mortgage repayments is slowly subsiding. I've decided to upscale my online selling to augment my earnings and as I have a few days off work I'm going to spend a bit of time getting in some stock. Life feels OK today. How are you all doing?

Jem45 · 11/06/2019 19:17

DishingOutDone- if only it was as simple as “removing” our hs. Sadly mines knocked my confidence and self esteem.
mybrilliantmind I’m so glad you’re getting a few days reprieve!! And I’m glad he’ll get the weather he deserves! Sounds like you’re on good form and are positively sorting your finances. What do you sell? I’ve been selling loads on EBay which has been great for clearing the house and some extra money.
I heard dreadful news yesterday that a teenager my daughter used to date hung himself. He was only 19- such an utter tragedy! It shocked us and made us all think deeply about life. I’d rather lose my h than my children!! He can be replaced- they can’t!!!! ( although I’m not sure I’ll ever trust a man again!)

mybrilliantmind · 11/06/2019 20:09

What dreadful news Jem! At 19 that poor boy should have had the world at his feet. I do hope your daughter is OK.
I've just been mainly house clearing (my own); stuff that I'd normally stick in a charity bag. I do feel like I'm cheating charities but at the moment my need is greater.
I'm hoping to be able to trade in named/designer second hand and vintage clothing. I reckon If I can't afford to go out much I can at least do one of my favourite things and hunt down bargains Grin
I do feel positive today but I'm not naive enough to think I won't have emotional 'dippage'

Jem45 · 11/06/2019 21:23

Thanks mybrilliantmind- my daughter was in complete shock and we spent a long time talking about mental health. I’m definitely grateful to you all as I feel my MH benefits from our chats. I don’t like to make every conversation with my friends about the trauma of my situation!!! I bottled up my thoughts before and find it helps just to try to put into words my sadness. Yes I agree there’ll be “dippage” but you’ve inspired me tonight to get on with it!! I hope you get some bargains and have fun searching! I love a bargain too and now am very careful where I shop and what I buy!

Rightwayup · 12/06/2019 04:16

You are all doing so well. I had it 14 years ago. Still don't feel fully recovered. It's like a death you can't fully grieve as the bugger is still living and the reinvention of history makes you feel like the past has gone as well as the future. Good luck all you are amazing.

VivaVegas · 12/06/2019 11:26

I agree the rewriting of history is one of (the many) things that hurts so much.
I've lost my self confidence as a result and that's hard as I've always been very happy in my own skin and with being me.
Now I feel old, ugly and generally unloved and unwanted.
Utterly horrible.
One good thing that has come of this is how kind and supportive my friends have been and done friendships have been rekindled as a result.

Jem45 · 12/06/2019 22:05

I agree too that the rewriting of our history has hurt me badly. I don’t dare reminisce as it brings so many questions of his deceit into my mind. We were together for more than half my life which is such a long time to block out! I just know he’s not tearful and consumed by the devastating end of our marriage- it’s just so unfair. I feel such anger towards him but have suppressed it for so long! I don’t want him to have the power to ruin any more of my life. I still can’t believe it’s happening to me and hate that moment when I wake up and remember it all!

Checkthemeaning51 · 12/06/2019 23:33

Hi, can I join the club? 53 and just found out in a couples therapy session ostensibly to work through things, that DH has planned for months to leave me. Says I'm toxic, make everyone unhappy etc etc. I was very shocked and upset. It would also appear he has discussed this with his family, sisters, cousins and our teenage DD (19)and DS (16) but not our youngest DD (14) or me. He is moving some distance away to be back with his family, all his siblings live in same backwater town, so not sure how he intends to keep a relationship with children living 300 miles away. He's taken early retirement and wants to spend it in the countryside. Clearly we want different things. There's so much more to add which would take all night to write, but it's helpful to read your stories and know that this stomach wrenching knot I seem to have developed will pass. My main focus is on kids at mo, as he's doing a good job at 'splitting' them and turning my son against me. He's still in family home at the moment which is very hard but says he'll move out at end of June.

VivaVegas · 13/06/2019 06:33

Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in check.
What strikes a chord is like the rest of us we are the ones to blame, none of the men seem to take any responsibility for how they feel and none of them seem to have tried to make things right, instead they just destroy a family and leave.
You have my utmost sympathy.
Some of the other ladies are further down the line than me, I'm still in the flipping between anger and sad period.
Just wishing we all go on to live a much happier and fulfilled live and they wake up and realise what idiots they've been.

Checkthemeaning51 · 13/06/2019 07:53

Thank you VivaVegas, I'm really in the raw phase, trying to see the sunny uplands from the gloom. The hardest thing is splitting our family, its like he threw a grenade into the middle of it and waited for the fallout. His matter of fact unemotional delivery of this news also compounds this at the moment. Did I ever know this man I was married to for nearly 22 years? I have a call with a solicitor later today to discuss options. Our eldest daughter has a learning disability and I feel she is being pressured to go with him.

Jem45 · 13/06/2019 08:30

Welcome Checkthemeaning51 x So sad that there are so many of us going through this! We’re here for you! I feel like my h threw a grenade into our happy family and he’s emotionless whilst I’ve wept buckets! My children are older like yours and I’ve made sure I’ve been honest and behaved well no matter what he’s done. They’ve seen me weep and have seen the lawyers letters from both sides. I’ve done nothing wrong so keep no secrets but try not to bad mouth him. He seems to be doing a fantastic job of ruining his relationships with them all by himself! They watched me fight to save my marriage and have been aware that I’ve been there for them every day whilst he’s shaken off any responsibility and like your h is moving miles away ( which is a huge message to my children about what’s important to him and how narcissistic his decisions are!) As teenagers they have to make their own decisions and I never want mine to say I stopped them seeing their father but in my heart I hope he doesn’t get to explode our family and then opt in for the good bits when it suits him!!! It’s all so confusing for them as the dad they adored is unrecognisable and I suspect your son is clinging on to the hope that he’s still that man. At 16 I doubt he’ll want to spend much time in the backwaters far from his friends so all you can do is continue to love and support him and try to provide him stability. If he’s going through GCSEs now what cruel timing from your h! My middle d finishes her A levels today- her father didn’t even wish her luck. It’s all about him!!

Checkthemeaning51 · 13/06/2019 13:42

Thank you Jem, I'm trying to remain calm and don't want the last couple of weeks my children have here with him to be fraught. It's hard though! My youngest is very hurt and can't understand why he's being like this. We manage to skirt around the house not spending too much time in any one room, meals are eaten separately away from us. My darling son feels lost to me right now. His final GCSE is tomorrow and I can't imagine how he's got through the last two weeks. I know he won't want to be away from his friends for too long, so I'm biding my time. As it's Father's day at the weekend the hurting side of me wants to ignore it, but I have to rise above those feelings and ensure it's good for the sake of the children. My friends and close family I have spoken to are very helpful and supportive. I have a stressful job and now have to take on my local authority for funding for a specialist residential college that my eldest daughter has just been offered. Left to DH this will not happen even though he has plenty of time on his hands. This has been the best news this week, it will help her independent living skills and gives her options for the future. It feels like a year of endings and new beginnings for us all. Thank you ❤️

Jem45 · 13/06/2019 14:52

You are an extraordinarily brave and strong woman. As mums we sacrifice our own feelings to protect our children. I aim to spend the next few years doting on my 3 and enjoying watching them become adults. I hope to push my career forwards so I’m not in debt then maybe one day I’ll turn around and find I’m properly happy again. I wish that we all get to this place! X

Jem45 · 18/06/2019 09:47

Hi how’s everyone doing? X

VivaVegas · 18/06/2019 21:57

If you'd have asked me yesterday I was a mess, in tears, upset and thoroughly fed up.
Why? He was threatening to divorce me if I don't! That's after he left, possibly had an affair but irrespective broke our marriage vows and spent the last year messing me about. I asked him on what grounds, no response!
Today after kind friends, wise words, and exercise I feel much better.
I just want to feel happy again, but I just don't see how I can as my family and marriage we're the things I cared most about in life and now they are gone 😢

Checkthemeaning51 · 19/06/2019 01:11

Ladies, Sorry for radio silence, it's been a a challenging few days. Saturday night H stayed up all night drinking and watching boxing, went to bed at 8:00am which was now Father's day. I'd hoped to be civil, had arranged a meal out, presents, cards for children etc,. He refused to get up, I cancelled the meal and rather than stick around for the inevitable argument I ended up taking youngest daughter to the V&A as an alternative. She is struggling the most with this. On our return at about 8pm, we turned into our street as my son was walking towards us, looking worried. He said he was worried about his dad and was going to look for him. I suggested he didn't and we'd try calling him instead, but he didn't want that. I let him go, but warned him his dsd may not like or agree to this. About 50mins later he called and said he was on his way back with his father. H was very drunk, staggering and slurring after drinking all day. He started to tell me I was the only one for him, he'd never love anyone else, why won't I give up everything and stop resisting his need to leave London and move back north, pleading with me saying it would be fun. If I ever have any doubts I will recall the madness of this conversation. I switched off and went to bed. He stayed up drinking what little alcohol was in the house. Needless to say he spent most of Monday in bed.

Today I met a solicitor who outlined my options. He felt I would definitely have grounds for unreasonable behavior but he felt I should let things calm down first, let H move out and give myself some breathing space as he's had a lot longer to come to terms about it than I have. I was seriously p'd off to hear that even though I have been the main wage earner for years and for the last 3years have had sole responsibility for the mortgage and bills he will still be entitled to half of our assets.

The good news is that he is finally moving out next Monday. Had the cheek to ask me if he could take the car to move some stuff I said no of course, why should he 600 miles wear and tear to my car, just because its bigger. Told him to get a van. I'm more concerned about how he plans to say goodbye to the children on Monday. He said he'd say goodbye before they go to school/college. My youngest has prize-giving on Tuesday evening but he'll be moving into his new house so won't be there. I hope this isn't an indication of future behavior towards her. She's very clear about having no intention of visiting him in his new house.

I do have a slight confession... I couldn't help myself when I noticed he'd left his mobile phone charging next to me earlier today, I had to take a peak. Let's just say there's plenty to use if I need to, I have photos. He's putting on a show of reasonableness to friends and relatives, blaming me for malicious communications with everyone including his sister, which weren't malicious at all and admitting to having planned this for months but getting the children on side is harder than he thought.

Thank you for helping me to believe in myself. The stories here give me hope in desperate times. I know it won't be easy for us but we'll adjust and make it work.

Roll on Monday and the start of the rest of my life! Mx

Darkcloudsandsunnydays · 19/06/2019 01:24

How do you cope with the financial situation post divorce as it’s not unusual for straitened finances to be the main reason that couples stay together.

Jem45 · 19/06/2019 07:52

My heart goes out to you both x VivaVegas I feel the same “ my family and marriage were the things I cared most about “ I figure now my job is to care even more about my kids as I’m all they’ve got fighting their corner. Plus I’m trying to nurture our “new” family unit and make new happy memories that only we share. I know I’m going to have to learn to care about myself and enjoy life for me too. At the moment I’m struggling with going over the nasty words he said to me. Now I kind of regret not answering him back and saying how I felt. I was so desperate to save our marriage I just let him say it and hurt me.
Checkthemeaning51 I can’t believe how kind you were on Fathers’ Day! His behaviour shows what he deserves. Once again it’s the kids that suffer! You sound like you’re dealing with each issue brilliantly!! Xxx

Ivebeenbetter · 19/06/2019 08:08

@Darkcloudsandsunnydays
For me the financial side of things, after our separation, was what worried me most.
I've never been frivolous with money but also never really had to worry. When XH was at home our finances were split strictly 50/50. Everything from a loaf of bread to the mortgage was split.
I've had to remortgage my house which was very upsetting as I was nearly done. Only two years left! The house was in my sole name as it was mine before we married but he was adamant that after a complicated calculation I had to pay him off. I really couldn't be bothered to argue. I'd had enough and just wanted shot!
I've done all sorts of money saving exercises. Reducing my council tax, installing smart meters for accurate billing. All my utility bills have come right down as there's just me at home now.
I shop as I need so there's no waste and prepare 'freezable' meals in advance. Have a little look at the cash back apps some of them are brilliant.
I'm not going to lie. It's been tough but I'm happy in the knowledge that I'm doing it with out him. I even manage to put a bit aside each month.
Things have a way of working themselves out where there's a will there's a way. Don't panic. Take care. 😘

Checkthemeaning51 · 19/06/2019 08:42

Jem, thank you, I'm clinging on by my finger nails right now. When my kids need him the most he's letting them down. I really never thought he would ever be like that. I thought our marriage was OK, our children mean everything to us or so I thought.

VivaVegas · 20/06/2019 22:48

Another teary day, I don't know what's wrong with me ☹️

Checkthemeaning51 · 21/06/2019 00:04

Vivavegas sorry to hear this, I too have been very teary today if it helps to know. Me and DD2 have wondered how our bodies can produce so many tears. I think it must be the full moon or something.

My day has been extraordinary stressful, that probably hasn't helped. It started with my youngest having a flute exam, she was so anxious because her teacher failed to show for DD final lesson and the teacher had the piano sheet music needed for the accompianist in the exam. So first thing I was chasing up the music and trying to calm DD down, While H just scrolled through his phone without a care in the world.... I might add I was also trying work from home.

So flute exam over, DD back at school, I'm working from home and H is clearly getting ready to go out. Something irritated me and that was it, he got both barrels verbally whilst DS in shower. DS in good mood we have a warm exchange and a really loving hug as he said he would like to join me and his sisters on a little holiday in August. That made me very happy and a nice conversation ensued. He was clearly planning to go out with his father so I asked him were he was going. He seemed like he didn't want to tell me but said he was going with H to buy new car. The red mist descended rapidly but I bit my tongue. Off they want and I WFH in peace. Later realised DD1 had left her keys at home and would be returning after I had to attend DD2 school for a meeting about an upcoming trip to Belgium. Whilst in meeting DD1 texting and phoning that she can't get in the house and is at our neighbours house. I dash from meeting at end with DD2 only to arrive home and find door lock completely seized. Rang H to find out where he was as he'd been out all day. DS tells me they're driving home with new car and are over an hour away. In desperation I took girls out for supper and told H to call a locksmith, he refused and said I should. STANDOFF ensued. I eventually couldn't take any more and called first locksmith I could find on Google. Meanwhile H and DS had gone to eat, obviously parking new car somewhere I couldn't see it. 9pm locksmith and DH and DS all arrive together coincidentally. Locksmith outlines cost.... £160 to open door... Great say I "my husband's paying", much banging, drilling and offers of tea from the neighbours, arguments amongst all five of us and nearly an hour and a half later the door is opened. New lock fitted, plate added to extra hole drilled in door and 2 keys the bill comes to £598, yes you read that correctly, which H paid. Wow on top of buying new car, he must be flush.

The evening was topped off with DD2 in floods of tears after finding out one of her classmates has runaway rather that telling her parents she was going to be excluded. Seemingly DD2 spoke with the girl at the end of school and she'd said she was going to do this. DD2 asked her not to run away and everything would be OK, now DD2 blaming herself for not telling any teachers about this. Tried to calm her down and get her to get some rest after what has been a difficult day. She thinks her life is rubbish and hates it at the moment. I'm worried for her, but feel like all my energy is getting sucked from me.

Surely this has to get better when he leaves. I know I will be responsible for them all and the house, chores etc but I won't have him in my face. I feel very resentful that he can upsticks and go 300miles away with no day to day responsibilities for his children.

All I can hope is that tomorrow is a better day!

So Vivavegas let's try our best not to cry tomorrow. I'll let you know how I get on!

Jen1519 · 21/06/2019 08:09

I hope you all have a better day today
I don’t cry anymore - I’m not wasting my tears
I’m feeling more positive
My H is being morally very fair financially- though I’ll be happier when it’s all signed, sealed, delivered!
Though it seems that non of us have wanted this I believe the sooner we accept there’s nothing we can do to change it then the sooner we feel happier
I still have a lot of times when I see something and think oh that’s something we would like to do then realise there’s not a “we” anymore
Lots of hugs to you all xxx