Is my new partner right, or my ex?

[Grant12]

Ok, before I start I’ll add that I left my wife for another woman. I don’t need to be told if I’m a rubbish person because if that, it’s done. What I do need is impartial advice from ideally womens’ point of view...
So in the separation proceedings I have agreed to give my soon to be ex wife the house. In return, she has borrowed money from her parents and paid off all matrimonial debt. The equity in house and the debt was roughly similar. Neither of us wanted to sell because we have a happy, settled 4yr old. In return I have agreed to pay maintenance in accordance with CSA guidelines, and added I would pay a bit more for daughter’s nursery fees for another 13/14 months until she starts school. It isn’t a great amount, but my daughter is very happy in her nursery and I want to keep her there, especially while all this is going on.

My new partner sees this as me funding my ex’s lifestyle, stating if she can’t afford the fees with my CSA guideline based contributions then she should make sacrifices herself. She views my ex wife as taking the proverbial out of me, and feels I am putting my ex before her needs. She’s asks how will we have a life or be able to afford things if I give more money to ex. But she also states it’s the principle and I shouldn’t pay £1 more than what I legally should.

Impartially, what are people’s thoughts on this? It’s leading me down a dark path as I feel I’m trapped and I really need some advice. Thank you in advance

Glad to hear it @Grant12 . Your DD is so very little and relies on you to love and support her.

Good luck - hope it all works out for you.

That's good to hear. Try not to allow this to continue as a battle between your two families, you owe it to both you children to create a harmonious environment that treats both equally.

I'm glad you've made the right choice op! It can be hard when your partner really pushes for something you know is wrong.
I actually think it's a great idea to post on two forums, some sites can be a bit on an echo chamber and it helps to get lots of opinions. Your Daughter's security really does come first

Well done Op. Hope it works out for you, your DD & new baby.

Good luck with everything.

Well done Grant on standing up for your DD. I hope that you continue to do right by her.

Having myself been the partner who was left and now having an XH who rarely sees his child and won't pay minimum CSA, , when my male friend was left by his wife, and understandably hurt, I said to him, don't be a dick over the DC. Pay at least the minimum CSA. Pay half of the school uniform. Have them every other weekend and half the holidays. Don't dump them when something better comes along. Don't be a prick like my XH.

He listened and he is being a good dad despite the hurt over the breakup. You can be too.

It is understandable for your new partner to only think of herself and her child, but your child must be provided for by you, and she needs to accept that the costs of that are part of your family budget as your DD is part of your family.

Your little daughter's life has already been torn apart, so if a few pounds a month for a short time can help her remain in a settled happy nursery, then that would be to her advantage.

So many fathers focus entirely on their bright shiny new family to the sad detriment of the children of their first family.

I do hope that you really will continue to support your young daughter in lots of ways, not only financial.

Perhaps once your new partner feels less vulnerable in her relationship with you and your young daughter, she will become more generous of spirit, and realise that having a child is a life long responsibility.

your bit on the side would rather you spent money on her than your child.

@Grant12

Glad you've grown a pair for your DD. Be firm and dont feel compelled to stay in this relationship out of shame or embarrassment if it's not working for you.

Many men do that and end up miserable, but feel they've made their bed.