Help me leave my abusive husband

[sad9999]

Fed up if being called a fat cow fed up him controlling the money and fed up of his refusals to help and up of him encouraging the kids to swear at me and call me a fucking ciunt. He undermines me constantly the kids side they won't leave withme. How can I leave them.

move now. save yourself. Your haven will be where the kids want to come.. make it lovely... come on caterpiller, come be a butterfly. Still believe you are worth striving for. Don't listen to him, he is awful. Be free.

I have started divorce proceedings. I am looking forward as much as I can

Oh I think that's really great! You've taken the first step

Thank for your support absolutely terrified he will go mad

I have to pay my wages into an account he controls

First step. Go to the bank tomorrow and open up your own account.

Then change the number for your wages to be paid in.

Small but very important steps.

Next one. Contact Womens Aid.

You can do it. We all had to.

Ifkyaway are you free now

Oh very well done OP! It’s a scary move for you and he will go mad because you are exerting some control over him. But for you it’s the start of the rest of your life. Contact Women’s Aid again .. they will be able to help you with all sorts of things...if you get a support worker like I did, it’s incredibly helpful having someone who understands to talk things over with and mine gave me lots of tips and support at our fortnightly coffee meets.

sad remember that if he does 'go mad' you aren't going to be anywhere near him for the fallout AND if he calls you spouting venom it's very easy to put down the phone on him.

He's got you so conditioned to bearing his tirades and abuse that you don't realize that you really, really don't have to. I know, I've been there. The lightness of spirit you feel the first time you put the phone down on them or shut the door in their face is amazing.

Well done OP thats a good step forward

Well done OP! Stay strong! Don't take any messing from him and remember you are in control of your life now.

He apparently thinks I have mental health problems

That’s a classic abuser tactic when they feel they’ve lost control.
My ex said the same about me... even going to the great length of “ reporting” me to the local specialist mh team. Funnily enough ... nothing came of it
I would treat this as a positive OP. It means he’s losing control of you which is good !
How are the kids ?

They are talking to me. DD IS QUITE ABRUPT ds is chatting like normal

Just keep things calm and neutral when talking to DD, she's being influenced by your stbx and will have to come to the truth in her own time.

Chances are that she's also hearing DS speak to you normally. That will start to raise questions for her as to why her brother is ok with you and that could get her thinking.

Stbx saying you're mental makes me laugh. Men like that have egos so huge and are so self centred that they think that any woman who doesn't consider herself lucky to be with him no matter how he treats her must be 'crazy'. Fuck him.

He apparently thinks I have mental health problems hahahaha!
Who gives a flying fuck what he thinks!!! Laugh in his face! Stupid arse.
He's beginning to realise he's lost his grip on you.
Thank God! You will soon be free from him!

What a fantastic example you are giving your children, because you are showing such strength, hopefully they will never put up with such terrible treatment. You are being so brave, keep being a great role model for them

You have been so brave and strong.

Keep going.

You are amazing OP, you really are
The kids are coming round, that's brilliant. I expect they are starting to see things how they really are. The example you see now setting them is brilliant.

When you first leave you're a bit like a bird in a cage where the door is open. I was. I worried about what he would do/think and I felt guilty about my child. When I bought a car because he refused me access to the two he had, I almost felt like I had no right to.

Little by little you will do things for yourself. A bank account, a flat, some furniture, buying food you like, doing things you like...every day you will become yourself again. Just keep going. It's worth it and you won't see it clearly until later

Step by step you will get there. The whole of your life is ahead of you now. Your DC will see their DD for what he is soon enough. Good luck.

Children learn more from what they see you do than what you just tell them to do. You are setting your DC a good, healthy example so they won't end up in abusive relationships.

Don't worry that you'll lose your children's love. You won't. Just keep buggering on, building a new life. Have faith.

He I do arrogant he is lookong forward to having a new relationship apparently it will be easy find somebody new

He is so arrongant

He sounds very arrogant, sad9999, but that means he's not thinking clearly. He doesn't realize how strong and determined you are. He thinks he can still bully you but you know you're on your way to freedom.

You're scared you'll lose your DC because he's ground you down for years. But you won't. And as soon as he realises that looking after his own DC makes finding a new GF difficult he'll be only too eager to pass them back to you.

So don't worry about the DC too much at the moment. You need to focus on getting a fair financial settlement.

He sounds the type to want a much younger GF.. Arrogant, as you say. But not many women will be keen on a man who runs down the mother of his children and calls her a cunt.Think about it. Would you?

He will twist it so everything is my fault he is forgetting he is oldernow and bald