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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex wishes

999 replies

Onlymeeeeee · 18/02/2018 19:13

Just as the title really, specifically looking for other people who initiated the process, not because there is anyone else, but because they cannot stay with the stbex.

OP posts:
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7
Tiddleypops · 20/08/2018 14:17

Oh @mammynowanauntyIRL I am so sorry to hear that it went so badly Flowers Sad He is really showing his true colours. Please stay safe above all else.

You're right, your children will be far better off in the long run.

RoseMartha · 20/08/2018 18:21

@CannotFindAUsernme 🤗

@mammynowanauntyIRL 🤗 feel your pain. H had a 'chat' with me a few weeks ago, he was doing most the chatting. He said kids and i could stay at house until tertiary education was over. Could i discuss with my solicitor which i did. Solicitor told me he needed to submit in writing via his. I explained to h, h then denied conversation. Now saying he is never moving out ever. We are having to do form E. I wonder where it will end how i will afford it all on a daily basis.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 20/08/2018 18:28

@RoseMartha H told me in mediation that our children attend x school & they will continue to go to that school, I never mentioned that they wouldn't!
Never made any suggestion to how he thinks we'll figure this out!

I've to email my solicitor before he calls me back with details of the marriage

mammynowanauntyIRL · 20/08/2018 18:28

@RoseMartha your H doesn't want to have to stick to what he's saying

mammynowanauntyIRL · 20/08/2018 18:29

I'm not in UK so don't know what Form E is.

Doing up budget for this mediation session made me see how much debt we have in my name though Shock

RoseMartha · 20/08/2018 22:16

@mammynowanauntyIRL how frustrating for you. 🤗 form e is financial disclosure that is filled out by both parties and then swapped to spouses solicitors. The form eventually gets sent to court for decision.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 20/08/2018 23:35

I see, thanks for explaining, hope he fills it honestly

mammynowanauntyIRL · 24/08/2018 12:44

Appointment made with solicitor my friend used for her divorce for week after next.

How's everyone doing?

This is my first weekend without my children where I'm the one staying at home

needyourlovingtouch · 24/08/2018 15:08

So confused. We had sex last night for the first time in over 6 months (perhaps more) but today he has secretly arranged a viewing on a flat. Not so secret because he leaves his emails open on the computer and his phone unattended (txt this morning confirming appointment).

So out of character because he never shows initiative on anything! In fact when we were buying our house it was me who searched on right move and made the appointments. Weird. Can't work out his intentions as it's a house to buy. He would have to get his own mortgage and sell some of his stocks and shares if he were to buy it behind my back.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/08/2018 18:54

need One very important life lesson I learnt during my first marriage is that, to most men, sex and 'love' have very little to do with each other. You can't look at what a man initiates in bed as having anything to do with his future plans.

My ex and I had been separated for around 3-4 months and he came by for us to file our final joint tax return (US). He not only expected that we would have sex, he tried to force me and was surprised and insulted when I told him to GTFO.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/08/2018 18:56

He would have to get his own mortgage and sell some of his stocks and shares if he were to buy it behind my back.

Suggest you speak to your solicitor about this. He may be thinking he can divest joint assets and buy a house in his sole name as a sole asset. I don't think that's legit, but better safe than sorry.

needyourlovingtouch · 24/08/2018 22:20

I feel sick. When I got with him he had a history of not sticking at careers. He promised me he had found something he loved and now I find him googling career breaks etc.

I probably shouldn't be posting on this thread now as this whole shake up has made me realised I would rather stay with him but I need him to work with me. So sad that he just can't seem to commit to family life. Yes it's, tiring and all consuming and you lose part of yourself but he was the one who wanted a child the most. Grrr.

Now he wants to run away from all responsibility to a nice new flat. He's been googling new John Lewis furniture too. Sad, angry, despondent. So glad I've been keeping lots of money in my savings account as a back up.

AcrossthePond55 · 24/08/2018 23:45

... but I need him to work with me. So sad that he just can't seem to commit to family life.

When someone is bound and determined to leave a relationship, you cannot stop them. All you can do is grit your teeth and maintain your dignity. You will be glad you did. That doesn't mean you have to facilitate them, just that you don't have any emotional 'scenes' that you will later regret. And you will regret them.

Just protect your heart as best you can. In everything he says and does, keep telling yourself he wants to leave and is probably preparing to do so. So don't do any more for him than you absolutely have to and start building an 'outside life' without him. And protect your finances (which you appear to be doing).

RoseMartha · 27/08/2018 07:34

How is everyone?

Had a few very difficult days. H has been harassing, trying to manipulate, in his words 'trying to be nice' which actually was opposite, controlling, stopping me from going out, mocking, nasty, trying to guilt trip, gaslighting, stonewalling, and trying to get me and kids to move out!

mammynowanauntyIRL · 27/08/2018 08:59

@RoseMartha he's just confirming for you that you've made the correct decision for you & your children. Be strong this will come to an end.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 29/08/2018 22:06

Ds starts school tomo for first time & H couldn't even be bothered to take time off ShockAngry

namechanged77 · 30/08/2018 14:42

Hope all OK with everyone.

We finally had a conversation about him moving out. It was sad and calm. It's not a great time, since one DC is starting secondary. But I'm glad we at least discussed it. And I didn't bottle saying what needed for once.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 30/08/2018 15:12

namechanged there's never a great time though is there?

Is he going to move out?

namechanged77 · 30/08/2018 18:11

Fair point @mammynowanauntyIRL but for me this is progress.

Practically we would have to work out where he would go, if it's short term, what we'd say to the DCs.

Oldest DC has also had real anxiety issues recently - around all kinds of things. I know the situation at home can't be helping but I don't want to make it worse.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 30/08/2018 19:18

I’m same as that @namechanged77 dc know nothing & 8 year old dd worries about everything.

RoseMartha · 30/08/2018 22:53

Sending hugs 🤗

mammynowanauntyIRL · 07/09/2018 21:24

How is everyone?

RoseMartha · 09/09/2018 20:44

Feeling unsettled. Things progressing a bit which is good but scary . I think h might be seeing someone which he can do if so wishes but seems to be at expense of the kids which is not alright.

RoseMartha · 09/09/2018 20:44

Sorry pressed send too quick. How are things with you? X

Borris · 13/09/2018 21:15

Sorry to burst back into the thread but I need to rant Sad
Met stbxh today and he was sooo unreasonable. He kept mimicking me. Trying to sort out the next few holidays. He can take holiday whenever he likes and he knows my work is much more restrictive as only one person allowed off at a time. He thinks that I should just take holiday without dd Confused

He’s being really cagey about why he needs time off and why if has to be a certain 2 weeks.

I did a suggestion (which he sees as dictating!) but mine was totally equal. His idea is so skewed in his favour.

I’ve facilitated him to have a holiday by giving him 2 of “my” days. But he seems determined to cock up my next holiday that I’d planned.

I walked away but just wanted to curl up and cry.

The only good thing is that I’ve filled in and paid for the first part of the online divorce. Thought I should harness the anger. But he’s already said he’s going to dispute that I write for unreasonable behaviour... even though he’s not seen what I’m
Writing Confused