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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex wishes

999 replies

Onlymeeeeee · 18/02/2018 19:13

Just as the title really, specifically looking for other people who initiated the process, not because there is anyone else, but because they cannot stay with the stbex.

OP posts:
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7
mammynowanauntyIRL · 17/06/2018 12:29

Yep tiddley well they've only just left but it's 5 hours or so!

Borris · 17/06/2018 14:58

I did ask dd if she wanted to make dad some fairy cakes but she said no. Probably a good job as I might have been tempted to lace them with laxatives Grin

mammynowanauntyIRL · 17/06/2018 19:21

Ooh borris Shock

Tiddleypops · 17/06/2018 19:53

Lol @Borris! Grin

Teenage step kids were less than useless today. Says it all really. I'm glad it's (nearly) over.

RoseMartha · 22/06/2018 22:01

Can I just step in again and vent? He is so unreasonable and I can't trust a word that comes out his mouth . Really upset about it today.

Tiddleypops · 23/06/2018 07:19

@RoseMartha Flowers Yet more proof you are doing the right thing x

Tiddleypops · 23/06/2018 07:26

I was derailed a bit this week. He asked me to go away for a holiday with him Hmm I know he's in denial, but I did think it was all a bit of a front for the DCs. Apparently not.
I said no, which in itself is good progress, I'm finally shaking off my co-dependant habits. Now he's not speaking to me and has been staying out for hours after work.

I've also found his stashes of empty beer bottles, so his nonsense about "now I can drink like a normal person" is proven. I took photos for future reference.

Hopefully all this is a good thing in that I think it gives me an opportunity to tell him to move out.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 23/06/2018 14:28

Tiddly he's proving your decision is right all over again.

You too rose

We got called for mediation, time doesn't suit him so it may get pushed back for another week Angry

Tiddleypops · 23/06/2018 15:22

Oh nooo @mammynowanauntyIRL you are kidding. When will it be then? You've been waiting so long.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 23/06/2018 21:11

Well it’s a part time office so I’ve let them a message saying the time he can make it so unless they’ve a cancellation it’ll be the week after.

Borris · 23/06/2018 23:14

I’m off to see a solicitor next week to get the ball rolling. I’m sure it’ll sour our currently fairly civil relationship... but he’s dating another woman for goodness sake.

mammy hope you get it sorted. Delays are sooo irritating

All the others - I quite often find myself thinking “well this just proves to me that I’ve made the right decision “

mammynowanauntyIRL · 24/06/2018 07:04

Borris isn't it a pity that they can't just comply for once in their lives?

Tiddleypops · 24/06/2018 07:49

Good luck Borris. And you too mammy, hope you get that date for mediation set and no more delays.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 24/06/2018 10:18

Really hope he's not going to be at this crap every week

needyourlovingtouch · 28/06/2018 20:40

Ive been in and out of this group since April. Still living with DH but things not good. Mainly due to his emotional unavailability, passive aggressive attitude and blame tendencies.... oh and that fact that he never initiated sex even before all these things became deal breakers. So tonight, I went into his room (yay for separate bedrooms) and found a letter he has typed for me.

I should care. Finally he is trying to communicate. He sad thing is, it's about 2 years too late and I just don't care. Apart from feeling shame about separating and losing his salary (!) I'd rather be alone. If he gives it to me I have very little to say. Perhaps I will respond how he used to when I used to try and raise our issues for discussion. I would say something or ask a question and he just wouldn't respond or if i asked again he would say he 'didn't know' or was thinking. It would take pushing on 4 mins to get a couple of words. Infuriating.
I'm done.

needyourlovingtouch · 28/06/2018 20:41

He says he loves me. I don't love him. I only see the Hyde side of him

mammynowanauntyIRL · 28/06/2018 21:12

Need handhold is all I can offer, do you hope he doesn't give it to you?

Tiddleypops · 28/06/2018 21:23

Sounds as though he only cares now he knows he has lost you. Hope you are OK Flowers

Borris · 29/06/2018 09:56

need if he does give it to you, take time to respond. I used to immediately reply to texts and emails but then realised that he always replies when he feels like it. So now, unless an immediate response is necessary, I usually give it 24 hours. I find that extra time, and no pressure, helps me compose a far better response. Good luck xx

RoseMartha · 07/07/2018 22:15

This living together while divorcing is doing my head in especially as he now says he will never move out and it's tough because it means we have to stay together and stay together in the same house.

I really must contact my solicitor as I think no news is not good news as the saying usually goes.

Tiddleypops · 08/07/2018 07:20

@RoseMartha oh no, how are things going with regard to divorce? Sad It's so tough to have no space.

I'm feeling a bit like home is a prison right now. He often sends me messages while I'm out, so even that isn't freedom. He still seems to think there might be a happy ever after Hmm I need to start being less reasonable.
Trying to think of what to do today that will involve being away all day.

RoseMartha · 12/07/2018 21:11

@Tiddleypops thank you. Going nowhere fast. Because he hasn't paid agreed amount for divorce nothing is moving at all.
And he is being more unreasonable and difficult and manipulative and aggressive and controlling and lying more than usual . Would be more bearable if he moved out.

mammynowanauntyIRL · 12/07/2018 23:09

Feels like moving to stand still right now doesn't it?

CannotFindAUsernme · 13/07/2018 20:37

Hi, I would love to join this discussion also as everyone here seems to know my dh also ! I have just siigned the lease on a house for myself and my 4 kids so that I can get the hell out of dodge ! Now I am struck by the enormity of what comes next. How to tell the kids being the biggest of these things, how do you tell your kids ? I am frightened of the future, the unknown and all that I Have to do to make their lives and the transition comfortable. I am just plain scared of this step even though I know in my heart it is for the best.

Tiddleypops · 14/07/2018 07:58

@RoseMartha that sounds awful. What a tosser Sad Proving once again that you are doing the right thing.

@mammynowanauntyIRL what is happening re mediation?! Have you got another appointment yet?

@CannotFindAUsernme welcome to the club Flowers Great news that you are soon to be out of there! How old are your DCs? I'm also not looking forward to telling my DS - he is only 4 though which I think will make it marginally easier than with older children.

Still stuck in god awful limbo here too. I feel like I'm wishing my life away because sometimes I just wish bedtime would hurry up so I can go and hide!
It took a long time but I finally plucked up the courage to email H to say that we need to discuss next steps. He's going away for a holiday in a few weeks, so I said we should discuss what happens when he's back because it can't carry on like this. So far, he's ignored this.
I know I'm being far too reasonable, untangling myself from codependency is a lot more tricky than I thought. Despite the fact that my conscious brain knows what needs to happen, I feel crippled with guilt - about H, about DS, and even about the fact I'm not putting as much effort in at work as I should because I'm distracted Sad

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