Support thread for those divorcing against their stbex wishes

[Onlymeeeeee]

Just as the title really, specifically looking for other people who initiated the process, not because there is anyone else, but because they cannot stay with the stbex.

@tiddleypops would you consider moving yourself? Even in the short term, not sure if I mentioned here but H threw at me last week how was he going to survive financially, so basically i'm a cash cow at this stage!

Mine would happily live both of us in separate bedrooms, me cooking his meals, and children being oblivious forever !

I own our house, everything is in my name and I pay for most of it all too, he'd never pay the mortgage, so moving out would be difficult for me.

tiddly other than the emotional pain (I know the guilt is immense) but other than that I’d have thought there’s not much stopping you throwing him out if it’s all yours

mammy mine was the same. No job so “how am I going to pay the bills/mortgage “. . I agreed to keep paying half the mortgage but ignored his requests for half his water and electricity bill . And guess what. He’s got himself a job. Which really hacked me off for the 18mo I supported him when there were “no jobs”

Unbelievable @Borris, funny how given no option to sponge literally everything off you he suddenly is able to find a job . Didn't he ask for the keys back the other day as well, even though you are bloody paying the mortgage, FFS, these men, what makes them feel so entitled to have everything provided for them?!! They seriously have never grown up. I've had my eyes opened to so much recently.

My H earns a large salary, yet pays for hardly anything. I'm not sure which is worse, one that CBA to get a job to contribute or one that has the money but withholds it... Both equally twattish I guess!

You're right, I don't think there is much my H can do about me throwing him out. He refuse to budge but divorce would go in my favour so it'd be delaying the inevitable.

This weekend is a family event on his side, so playing happy families - for my step children's benefits rather than his.
Next weekend is a family event on my side. I didn't invite him

After that, the way is relatively clear for me to bite the bullet and tell him to sod off

*'He could refuse to budge' I meant to say. So far I haven't told him to go.

I've been at family events on H's side of late but there'll be one coming up on my side soon and he won't be invited.
Next weekend he goes to a wedding alone tonight he's meeting the lads brilliant I'm only delighted.

H has a job just does pay almost as well as mine, but he doesn't count his expenses cheque or money received for pathetic rent on his mothers house at all which makes us equal

Ha 3 cheers for you ladies not inviting them to your family things. Well done!!!

Enjoy a peaceful evening @mammy!

@Tiddleypops I bought a weights set yesterday on the QT (he has a set but I don't want to be under a compliment!) , I'm aiming to loose the excess weight as well as the husband so I'm going to spend a bit of time figuring them out & watch a movie I think.

Will you bite the Bullet do you think?

Vanillarose

Mine too was “lost in the post”

Bury st Edmunds family courts reimbursed me the cost of replanwnr marriage cert once I showed them proof of posting. Incredible i thought, especially as they offered to!!

Hi, hope I’m ok to join, I’ve had a revelation this week, I’m done with this relationship, any hints/tips/advice for first steps?
A little information, my STBXH isn’t a bad bloke he’s just an anything for an easy life type, we’ve two dc 3 years and a 7 year old with complex needs. MiL is a dragon who controls stbxh!!

@User73milliontrilliondillion is it a bad patch or a gamechanger?
How do you think H will react?
What would you like to happen now?

A game changer, it’s been a bad patch lasting 3 years! I’ve kept believing nothing would be any better separated, that I could put up and shut up. But I see now it’s fear of change that’s stopping me, I’m tired I don’t want a third child(him), I’m done living with someone I’ve little respect for.
I think he’ll be upset as separating means he’ll have to do something! He’ll be upset about the kids, that’s by far my biggest worry as well.
I want an amicable “uncoupling”!!! I doubt he’ll put up any fight as it’d be too much trouble but I think his mother will have a different view!!

@mammynowanauntyIRL sounds like a good plan! Hope you've had a lovely evening .

I have to bite that bullet. There is definitely no going back, so I have to move things forward. Family doo today was horrendous. He got pissed and loud and really fucking irritating.

@User73milliontrilliondillion with a bit of luck he'll run straight back to mummy, once he realises you are fed up with being treated like you're his mother.

Sorry to hear he was so badly behaved at family do but at least it just confirms again it's the right decision for you.

User that's the ideal that we all want, at the moment we're at stage where he seems accepting but we haven't split the family yet.

H went out last night for a couple of hours, text at 11pm that he wouldn't be home until morning, completely out of character. I couldn't care less which really shows me I'm over him.

Wow @mammynowanauntyIRL, staying out all night! Where do you think he went? Ow maybe? Perhaps he could just stay away permanently

@Tiddleypops i wouldn't think so he's attending a wedding next weekend so I think probably like a local stag for those who weren't at proper one, said he stayed at his sons place.
He's taken dc to beach now so I'm going to go for a long walk after a short nap. Did first workout with weights last night so I'm tired with wobbly legs

Where did you start? I know I need to talk to him!!! But I need a plan first, I’m thinking of going to look at rented properties, and working out the finances, though as our income is from a joint business I know I’m going to need legal advice early on!

Many solicitors offer 30 minutes initial consultation for free. I did this just to give me an idea of how things would go. I'd suggest this might be a good first step. Probably visit a couple of different ones while you are not paying. The first solicitor I saw just looked bored and disinterested!

I’d second going to see a solicitor early on. Many offer taster sessions.

Can I ask others opinions on this. Dd (primary age) got back from hols. Stbxh and his (presumed - he’s never said anything to me) new girlfriend and her daughter went away together for a week. I moved out 8 weeks ago so (in theory) she is only a gf of 8 weeks, although they were friends from last summer. The girls like playing together.

Anyway dd announced that dad and other lady shared the double bed on hols. Would you be annoyed that dd is being exposed to this so early on in a relationship. I can’t tell whether it’s just sour grapes on my part but it feels wrong for poor dd who’s still coming to terms with us being apart

@Borris I would be very very annoyed. In this situation I would have expected her & her daughter in one room and him and your dd in another

Wow, all way too soon! Yes, I'd be very annoyed. Very unfair on your daughter, things are moving way too fast

Not much you can do about it now though, other than continue to be the better parent and make sure she knows she can talk to you. Has she moved out with you or 50/50 between you?

Would you say anything to him? Because he never listened when we were together let alone now we’re apart. Or just try to talk in an age appropriate way to her?
Yes we have 50/50 time with her.

Borris I suppose there's little point in saying anything to him now except that you're disappointed for your daughter that she was made to feel uncomfortable like this on her first holiday without you. Unfortunately we don't get to decide how our ex's parent.

I didn't want my dc in passenger seat in front of van, and H never paid any attention to this, would even take the carseat out of my car that was parked up purposely to take dd in van and now that we're separating he's bought a van with a crewcab to take them more safely go figure

User73milliontrilliondillion Do ye own your house together or rent, who does childcare etc, work out what you want and as tiddly says get legal advice.