Does It Get Better Thread 2

[scotgal2017]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/3009364-Does-it-get-better?pg=40

Can't post anymore on orginal thread so started a new one!!

newton welcome back. It’s normal to have dips, he was your life for a long time and that doesn’t just go away. My bugbear is people saying “just move on”, “it’s been a while now” etc. Feel like saying well when it happens to you I’ll remember to watch how easily you move on!

Now have a buyer for the house, going through major dip today as I know I’ll be better off financially etc but it still feels so final, like confirmation that my old life is gone forever.

Do it in your own time, he needs to realise that it’s not all on his terms anymore

So H is actually moving out on the 31st.
I’ve lived with him for 21 years. It’s a surreal and very sad feeling. We were engaged & moved in together when I left College at 18! Now I have to literally figure out how to separate the belongings in my house - I’ve no fecking idea where to start :/
Also, he’d told the kids whilst I was at work but made it sound like the new place was dingy etc so the poor things were so anxious when I got home instead of bothering to actually show them! So I’ve taken the liberty of showing them the pictures of the place & they've Both sighed with relief that it’s a decent looking place, bless them! Nothing worse than having to resort to their imagination

Hello all, not been on for a bit. Newton, welly, joomoo I think we're all similar . Having to sell house when it's not my fault is the worst thing. It's made me really sad today- getting closer to selling. I love my house. I don't know how he can live with himself for making me give the house up . Do they just shut that part of their brains off? They don't have any empathy. Trying hard not to keep talking about it or showing upset in front of people Newton , I know exactly how you feel. If I could keep the house and not see him again I would be a lot happier. Funny how I'm fine a lot of the time , but it's still that surreal - can't believe this has happened to me feeling which every now and again just overwhelms me. Xx

Hugs Winter

Big hugs to everyone this morning....life is very unfair, but I honestly think in time, we will be a lot happier...x

Afternoon everyone, hope everyone is feeling better today. I feel very lucky reading some of your posts as I feel very much like I have turned a corner and have moved on 8 months in. But i am lucky because he is not bugging me, communication is very, very minimal about kids/bills. he works away and so I don't have to see him for weeks on end. I no longer speak to any of his family so i don;t have to worry about upsetting STBXMIL or someone. I am looking forward to moving back home, every single house we have ever lived in he has been a D* so the new house will be mine with no bad memories and I can make great new ones with the kids.

I said to my counsellor the other day that i am able to control my emotions and I feel indifferent but that is likely because he is not here giving me grief and trying to argue with me. My progress may have been a lot slower and hurt more if he was in a 9-5 job, lived round the corner and was seeing the kids EOW or once a week. Although he keeps saying he wants the divorce, he is waiting the year and then hopefully will get his finger out and file. I think it will be this point it gets tough for me as I can see him being a D* about the money. We have no joint property to sell or anything to fight over assets wise so that makes it easier too I guess....

Please keep positive thoughts going. It's Friday!! Wine, pizza and chocolate with some films day in our house!! xx

I seen a solicitor as the house is in his name only, turns out to be the best thing I did, because looks like I'm going to get to keep the house! His child main payments will pay the mortgage! But to be honest, like you Scotgal, I have turned a corner, and even though its only been 4 months, I think I'm in a better place. I no longer think or hope he is coming home.....im looking forward to starting divorce, even though he isn't in a rush....I just want to be free from him. Yes my mind wants him back, but my heart would never trust him again, and my eyes are wide open to how easy it is for him to walk away and not caring...he really doesn't care, and even the kids are seeing that....im starting to be the person I once was before we got married, I'm happy and that's something I haven't been in a long time. life is looking up.....I hope this feeling lasts, I know it can dip, but my life isn't all about him now :)

Big old row with stbxw a couple of days ago (via text), she’s not happy with the split of house sale money etc and is now using emotional blackmail “you’re not coming inside my house anymore”, “we aren’t doing anything with the boys together anymore” etc.

She had a night out with bf last night (originally meant to be a husband/wife thing before the split) so now I’m wondering if he’s going to be around with the kids at the weekend too. Think this is the hardest bit for me, not so much because he’s with them but more the worry that they’d choose her as she’s with someone and they can do “family stuff” rather than me as I’m alone

weewheels that’s great news. I was told I can probably stay but the sh*tstorm that would kick up isn’t worth it!

Wellyboots that's just terrible for her to do that! Sounds like she is forgetting who it was that left! Kids aren't stupid, they understand more than we think. And yes, they may be always excited to see her, as they don't live with her, but they will know who it is that is always there for them. This ' we aren't doing anything with the boys together anymore', sounds like her only way to get at you right now, and its hurtful & childest on her part. my STBXH hasn't seen the kids in 5 weeks, as he spends the weekends with his new woman, that he still says doesn't exstist....if any of them were good parents, they would put their children before themselves....this is when we see what kind of person we have really been married to, and its heartbreaking.

Well happy mother’s day all! It might not be how you planned but hope you enjoy it

Happy mother’s day lovelies 💖

Happy mothers day x

Happy mothers day lovelies xx

Happy Mother's Day to you all in the UK!! xx

Morning all . Sounds like things are being sorted for people. I'm at estate agent stage too and it's sent me into a bit of a downward spiral, tight chest etc all the time thinking of selling home , having to deal with agents etc when dont want to sell, it's the harsh reality now that's hit me. I'm at a low ebb, putting on a positive front. Any words of encouragement , thanks x

wintersnow I’m slightly ahead of you in that I have a buyer for my house and now looking for somewhere else. I’m trying to look at it as just another door closed from old life and find somewhere I can make all mine (and boy’s).

It’ll be sad to leave “family home” but find it helps a bit if you try and view it as the place the marriage ended rather than the place you were happiest as then your priorities for leaving change as you want to get away from the bad memories

Thanks Wellyboots86, I try to think like that and I do quite a lot, but it's a lovely house, not just because of memories, and I will have to buy something much smaller . I feel angry/cheated/upset- he earns much more than me and no doubt will have her money too to buy a house. It really gets to me that I'm one who has done nothing and yet I'm the loser. Because of all this, everything has come back the betrayal, rejection etc I'm a mess at the moment. I think it's worse because I thought I was doing so well. I hate being like this again I'm normally a positive person. I suppose when it goes at least I won't have any contact with him so no more upset from his casual attitude.
Thanks, it helps to get it off your chest. X

Looking for some advice. My DD is away to school this morning in tears, she hasn't seen her dad for 6 weeks now, and everytime she asks him when he is coming over, all she gets is soon. Ive on countless times, asked too, and told him he has to tell them, but now I feel I cant keep 'nagging' him about it. The only reason I do is because she loves him so much. Ive told him the Easter break times, and he said I will sort dates out.....then 'soon'. I feel his is waiting until he sees if he is going to be doing anything with the OW......what should I do....

weewheels as hard as it use be to see dd in tears I don’t think there’s really anything more you can do. You can’t force him to see her (not that he should need it ).

Ultimately he is the one potentially screw8ng up a future with his daughter as kids are t dumb and they will remember all this in months to come.

Just be there for her and show her at least one parent is there for her

Thanks Wellyboots, I cant force him. Our other 2 have special needs, one is severe, and it hurts to see that they arent wanted. Maybe it wo u ld be better for them if he just stayed away, but at least I cant be blamed for that. The one thing I always said, was that he was a great father.......its heartbreaking how wrong I was.

So today’s supposed to be our 20th wedding anniversary- a date that held hopes of special moments & vow renewals & ‘Special’ trips away etc to celebrate. A date that I’ve been swaying between pure sadness/regret at our current situation & dread of how the day itself would be handled.
D’ya know what? I feel ok. Not great. But ok. The sun is out, I’ve a full day at work to distract me, then straight to a concert that my dd is performing at with school - if he turns up to that i’ll Still be ok because at least it means he rembered her show which can only be a positive thing.
Hope you all have a good day too guys & of course rip to Mr Hawkings. Xx

JooMooMies.....I'm really glad you can see the positives in today, but it has to hit hard too. I hope he does remember for your dd. Ive decided that I will still go on the trips we had talked about, I wont let him ruin those memories for me, maybe you can do the same. Enjoy your day x

Thank you xx
It’s not even close to easy, but am telling myself it’s just another day and I’m lucky it’s been busy at work this morning so far - less time to think! Tomorrow when I wake up it will be done with and I can try to forget about it for another year. He’s started to make piles of what he’s taking when he moves out & filling the bedroom (I sleep in dd room). I’m trying to focus on how I might redecorate to make the bedroom mine again when he’s gone xx

joomoomies the first time I saw awful but at least you’ve come out of it in one piece. Next one will be easier I’m sure.

weewheels it’s good that you still have the drive to do things alone that you were meant to do together. For me the first trip to Disney might finish me off as it’s always been such a special place to me and stbxw - we got married there 4 years ago - and although I really want to take the kids when they are older I’m not sure how I’ll cope when I get there

Joomoomies....thats what im doing, making the room mine, all off his stuff is now in the garage.

Wellyboots....im taking the kids to disney Paris in June, we always talked about it, so im doing it, he wants to go too but ive said no! For us, we always went to centre parcs every year, dont think I could go there now for a long time.