Does It Get Better Thread 2

[scotgal2017]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/divorce_separation/3009364-Does-it-get-better?pg=40

Can't post anymore on orginal thread so started a new one!!

JooMooMies......have a great night!

Lonelycrab....Well done!! 10 days is amazing :) and good luck with the mortgage.

Wintersnow...glad you can get it out to friends, it always helps. And yes, they always say stupid and thoughtless things, they never think!

Wellyboots....Sometimes a cry is called for, the build up of stress takes over.

I know I'm better off without him, all off us are, but its hard. To remember what they were like, to were they are now, its shocking. I think I always thought he would come back, but now I know he never will. The kids are happier without him too.....now I feel I don't want him back, I just want him to want me back....if that makes sense? I could never trust him again, but it still hurts like mad. And people expect you to just get over it....if only it was that easy.
I sent him a text saying that he shouldn't of sent the photo of a rose, that's its not right as I'm his STBXW, he sent one back saying its just a flower, not a marriage proposal! I said just as well, look how our marriage turned out because of you! I doubt it hit him where I wanted it too.....they just don't seem to care....

welly your attitude is superb. A very hard situation for you with the Xp and kids. I’m sure I’ll be in that position soon/one day and if I can keep cool half that well I’ll be happy. Crying is only human and part of healing. I’ve felt better afterwards recently. I’m mostly feeling anger when I dwell on things but it’s so raw right now. House has just gone on the market (we agreed to before I realised I wanted to buy her out) and I felt a little bit sad but mostly numb when I pulled up the photos on Rightmove. What a lovely home.

Afternoon all! I really must get to grips with this technology stuff......no email notifications to say people had posted on thread again so haven't been on (my excuse and I'm sticking to it!! ).

Looks like we are all coping well at the moment, wellyboots, definitely have to add to the sentiment of you being a very mature, upstanding citizen in your attitude to OM.....I don't think i would be as restrained and forthcoming....

Lonelycrab, congrats on 10 days (will be more now!).

I got impulsive the other day and I have booked myself a 5 day break to belfast next week lol. I haven't told STBXH or DCs yet....they went to his for 2 weeks on Tuesday. He has sent a message today asking when he can come and get the rest of his things.....said I would let him know. I'm not sure if I want to be here for that, so I could say that he can get it when I'm away. I don't really care what he takes as tbh most of it will be getting dumped/left when me & DCs go in 4 months time anyway......it actually seems a bit pointless this late in the day for him to collect anything else as he'll probably move back in for a while until lease is up, but hey ho, he's as disorganised and lazy as usual. If he does come when I am on a break, i'm going to leave me and kids documents with a friend.....if he's starting on the money game, i don;t want to take any chances with important things that he could get his hands on that mean he has control!! What do you guys think is better, hang around while he does it or let him do it when i'm not here?

Scotgal....I would say do what you think you need to do, if its going to be hard with you there, let him do it while you are away. But if you are feeling stronger...let him see that, be happy and confident even if its killing you inside. Now I live just outside Belfast....you will have a blast! Don't forget to go to the Crown Bar, its the oldest in Belfast, and the craic is amazing! People are a bit crazy....but we love to enjoy ourselves, so make sure you do! Enjoy!!!!

I'm gonna go through this soon, I daydream about the day I sign the tenancy agreement and get the keys to my new house 😌.

So it seems like ive been slapped up the face. Went onto our joint account, and he is away staying at a hotel with his OW....doesn't even hide it, though he keeps saying there is no-one....as from now, the only contact I want is about the kids.....

weewheels I’d have taken the money out of that account (well, I did actually as opened a sole account as soon as she left)

@Weewheels72, they are just complete s*bags. It's unbelievable how out of touch with reality they actually are!

P.S. really looking forward to Belfast, looking forward to going to The Crown thanks for the tip! I have a few Irish friends and they always make me laugh! xx

That’s awful weewheels. Is he denying ow? I would be setting up my own account and transferring money across

I would like to join this thread also. I was on the other one too 😁

I got my own account set up, but this one, some of his money goes into, and some household bills comes out of it. I was on seeing about one of those. What gets me is I paid his last flight over to see the kids, because he said he couldn't afford it.....no wonder since he has been spending the money on her. Yes Alfiemoon1....he denies her. So now the kids come behind him....his job....and now her. This is what makes me so upset, if only I could go back in time....I would of avoided knowing him :(

It’s hard weewheels I’ve thought the same thing but then if I had of met stbxw I wouldn’t have the 2 amazing ds I do now

Wellyboots, that is true, im very thankful for my 3, I just wish I could of given them better.

Hi guys hope everyone's well xx I got a really bad stage ( 6 months in ) just felt so alone sad by everything . It must have been a blip as I'm feeling so much more positive x I decided to forget everything and be friends with stbxh but he just ignores me!! I think he's not allowed to talk to me (ow) not seen him face to face since Xmas day bit sad really after 16 years and a ds together.

Hi everyone, have you got room for one more?
DH told me 2 weeks ago that he didn't love me anymore and wanted some time and space to himself. He's been going through some MH stuff lately but him leaving has completely blind sided me. I'm all over the place emotionally, one minute I'm a sobbing mess and the next I'm so angry at him for throwing away 15 years (married for 5), that I could just scream.

It's encouraging to see that it can get better with time though. Just wish I had a way if getting through all this shit now.

@WeeWheels72 I understand what you mean by I wish I could have given them better. I think that too all the time! But as friends keep telling me I didn't choose this, I did nothing wrong and it was his decision so why are we blaming ourselves?????!

@Layniboggs123 I understand what you mean by not having the contact as much? How does that work with your little one? I was with e. For 15 years, 7 married and we have a 6yo. He had an affair and with a different one now for the past month and living with her. I see him briefly when he gets little one.

@TowerOfJoy welcome but also sorry that you have found yourself here. Everyone here is very supportive so talk away whenever you need. I've found the support very helpful.

So I'm being brave and putting the house on the market. Not my choice but ex wants money he thinks he's entitled to and bank won't respect mortgage on my wage. I've spoke on here before about staying where I am and have friends but not family or moving 200 miles away to family and a few friends. His family are supportive but there his family and they have met new gf etc and it's too much for me. I can get a house where my family are also. It's still raw for me. I know it's only been since beginning of Dec when I made him leave as found about the affair.
So I've applied for a job where family are so let's see..... keep options open..... I have to be happy. But what about little one? Is it cruel me moving him??? It's so hard. I want what's best for both of us. This is all so much to do and I don't want to but have no choice! 😪🙈 makes me sad really

@amaz24 we have set days that he has ds (8) he picks him up after work on these days and just texts to say he's outside waits in car . No other contact as all . When he first left he used to come in see dog talk (General chat) then go but now cut all ties and hear nothing at all other than " im outside !!! So sas after 15 year 10 married still not started divorce that's my next step x

It is sad how it goes like that. One extreme to the other. How's your 8yo? How are you? I haven't started divorce yet. Getting financial issues first. That's enough of a headache!
Makes me sad all of this. Husband and best friend gone!

Thanks @Amaz24, it really is a shitty place to be at.
DH has been staying with MIL for the last 2 weeks and coming to help with DD in the mornings and at bedtime as I injured my knees last week and have been in so much pain with them. That made me feel useless having to rely on him so much.

The knees started to get better on Friday but last night I had an awful night. DD woke at 9pm and wouldn't contemplate going back to sleep, my knees were hurting again and I was exhausted from not sleeping on Friday so ended up phoning him at 11.30 to help me. He stayed on the sofa and when I woke up I could hear him and DD playing downstairs and it just broke me.
He's taken her out for the day but I've just been in bed crying. I'm just in shock of how my life is going to completely change when I have no choice in anything.

Ds is fine they are not really close he hates going with his dad and says it's better now he's gone ( he was hardly here always at pub) so nothing changed for ds. I'm ok it just seems surreal all we've been through to end like this n not even speak. He's been perfect dad and bf to ow and her kids xx

Hi everyone. Glad i looked on here today. Feeling really low the last couple of days with having to think about estate agents, mortgages and where to go. It's that strange limbo now. I'm down the line enough to say to you who are only just experiencing this that you will feel better, you won't cry all the time, you won't always have that pain in the chest and you will be able to eat and sleep again. HOWEVER and it is a big however, it will take time and you will have great days where you don't think about the lying cheating scumbag and days where it all comes tumbling down again. But the positives start to outweigh the negatives , it doesn't feel like it at the beginning. Please talk to people and ring help groups. I give this advice despite having had a really tough day, On own all day by accident - friends child Ill so day out planned didn't happen. Just sorting house out . Always feel better after talking on here though. Hugs to all

Hi tower sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’m in the same boat after 12 years, we were far from perfect but had no idea she would just turn her back. I’ve been having good and bad days which seems pretty normal.

Thanks to all for congratulations on my sobriety, not strictly 100% true as I’ve decided once a week is fine, no need to punish myself unduly. 1.5 bottles is wine in three weeks is ok I reckon.

I had the second meeting with her and ds yesterday. It’s been about a month since she said she wanted to leave. She hardly said anything when we met, just dumped our son onto me and said she needed a coffee. Fair enough, so I took him round the museum where we had met. He was so happy to see me bless him (6yo)

20 mins later I got a text saying “I’ve let (me) take (our son) off to have a wander xx” then another 2 mins later saying “sent in error”

She says it was to her mum. Who sends kisses to their mum in a text? Felt very strange for a few mins (jealous/angry/upset) and confronted her when we met up; she said there is no one else but now I have this doubt in my mind, she’s lying and it wasn’t her mum she was texting. Feel so mixed up right now. I hate her for how she has destroyed our family yet somehow want to see a sign she still cares, and now the thought that she has been having an affair is rattling round in my head. Hugs to all x

Hi can I join in? I told my husband I want a divorce last week. Nothing dramatic happened just erosion by continuous moodiness and inappropriate comments to the dcs. I'm now wondering how to tell the kids as the situation has been going on all their lives so it's normal for them. Either I bite my tongue & go to be early or dh & i spend days on end pointedly speaking to one another. Its precisely because it's become normal that I want him to go but how to make the dcs understand without slagging each other off is my current problem.

Hi nomoremrsniceguy and welcome. I get the continual erosion thing, easy to happen. Sorry for the late response btw.

Tbh I would tell the kids as it’s best that they don’t grow up thinking that this is normal behaviour in a marriage (or just in a relationship in general)