Well, where has everyone gone lol??? Hope everyone is doing well and having positive thoughts and feelings.
What a hoo-haa I had with STBXH after my last message. This could be long (you know how I love to post short posts lol) so settle in with a cuppa and a biccie!
As above, I left to go and get kids. The were loading up car and STBXH was dressed in his motorbike gear which I found odd. Turns out he wanted to borrow the pump to do his bike tyre not the hire car (should have known really, the bike is numero uno, even above the "family car"!!).
Anyway, tyre won't inflate so he asks to borrow car to go and get new one if I'm not using the car. I said it's fine. So he drops me and kids at our house and goes off to get new tyre. When he comes back I had to pop out for face paints etc and so met him at my gate with my bag etc to jump in car and go. He asks for lift, I said yes.
Driving in silence he says, "I have a proposal for you. The gearbox is about to come out of the car and it needs sorted or replaced so i thought about going halves on it". I cut him off there and said "I'll sort it myself thanks anyway". he started to get annoyed and asked how I would fix it. i said that was not his concern. He said "Why did I pay the car insurance then if it's not my concern?". I said "well, you still want to use it to drive kids about when you have them so you need to be insured".
Now, I know gearboxes are expensive but I refuse to take from this man (as much as possible, as previous post says was begrudged to ask him to pay car insurance as dad had offered) who was quick to leave his family and is using money to try and take away his guilt (not the first time he's offered to pay for car to be fixed since he left and I refused then too). And also my dad has said he will help me out in anyway he can.
he ended up arguing and shouting at me til we got back to his apartment. he ended up really angry and said to me "Get off your lazy arse and fix your fucking car". My response was, "Don't think you are allowed to talk to me like that any more since you are not my husband". The I said, "Can you get out of my car please, I have things to do". He then said "Oh yes, and you leave my kids on their own and go out whenever you want". he closed door and swanned off.
Then i get text with the proposal: He says, get price for repair/replacement of gearbox. Then, I can use 1000 Euros of MY savings from the savings account (He says up until July last year which was when he said he was leaving, there was 4000 Euros total, so I am ENTITLED to 2000 Euros of that) and he will put forward 1000 euros as well. he says if it costs more than the 2000, he will put in the difference. Then i get a second text, bla de bla, about "how HE can't talk to me without it turning into an argument and for that he apologises(???) because he doesn't hate me, he just hates what we've become".
I didn't answer his message until today which is another story i won't bore you with at the moment lol.
I basically have a few things to say about this event on Thursday, sorry need to rant!!
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What a cheeky fecker for wanting to have a go after me being kind enough to let him use my pump and then let him use my car and then give him a lift home in my car instead of him having to walk, which would have taken 10 minutes (who's the lazy fecker here??). I could have been a right bitch and said no to all!!
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DD is 14 and DS is 11. DD is very grown up (especially in the last 6 months because of what he has done!) and yes occasionally i leave them for 1 or 2 hours if I have to go somewhere where i know I'll get harassed every 5 minutes by DS asking when we are leaving. I don;t think its a bad thing to leave them on their own to learn a little bit of independence....they certainly aren't cooking, rewiring the house or mowing the lawn when I'm out - in fact they are usually still in the same position as when I left them when I get back! DD has a mobile and I make sure I text every hour to ask if all is okay.
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So we're starting the money game it seems......the joint savings account (which is part of the joint bank account, which I don't touch, he puts a set amount into a separate joint account that i am using every month) is now only HIS money it seems and I am only entitled to 2000 euros from the savings account and nothing more???? This information will be stored when it comes to deciding what lump sum payment I would like to agree the divorce!!!
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As money , and the saving of it, is so important all of a sudden, you would think he would be glad that i refused his proposal - i was trying to save him money!! It would seem he didn't like my answer and so he threw his toys out of the pram about it - what gives?
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Indeed, if I'm no longer of importance, why get so angry, why send me a message apologising and using "we've become"?. Surely he doesn't give a fig whether he can talk to me nicely or not since he chose to leave me and his kids??? I don't consider us to have anything in terms of a relationship except co-parents. I get angry at him in private and now am learning to control my emotions when I have to talk to him. Someone told me her friends was married to a Narc and the best answer is always "Okay" - think i might start doing that!!
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And anyway, months and months before he left, the transfer box was on it's way out and mechanic said he could get a reconditioned one.....so both he and I knew there was something else wrong with the car.....as usual it was left to me to sort out and I never got round to it as busy doing everything else as secretaries do!! the car was making a funny noise in November, i took it mechanic who was busy and said bring it back next week....this was at the time I was going to rome and so i said to STBXH, as he had the car to ship kids about, he could take it to mechanic.....did he? Guess if he did or not?? So again, because i wasn't there to do it it didn#t get done. And this man has the cheek to call me lazy??? if it's his bike, it's at the garage and fixed in a shot but if it is/was the family car........nah, not so urgent.....it's been the same with many things throughout the whole marriage. The best word to now describe him I feel is man-child!!
Sorry for the long rant, needed to get it off my chest as only have a few friends here and my Dad on the telephone poor bloke.!!
Thanks if you read this all the way through lol. 