Feeling sad....but will get there!

[Moocow72]

Hi All

Well dc's now know about the separation - it was as awful as I thought it would be and there were tears from all four of us but I think we handled it as well as we could and made it clear that none of it was their fault and that we would always be a family, just couldn't live together anymore.

Initially it was a relief, but must admit I'm struggling now (I guess part of the grieving process). Not helped by how easily dh seems to be moving on with his life. When he first talked about separation many weeks ago I knew there was someone else in the shadows for him. He was honest and told me he was friends with someone and he thought it may develop in the future.

So part of me is fuming that despite him saying he's been unhappy for many years and in his words he "gave up" with the marriage a year ago he could only end it when he knew he had someone else on the sidelines.

I'm not an idiot and to be honest don't really want to beat myself up about what may or may not have happened between them but it's obvious that something will and I guess that's something I've got to get my head around. As far as anyone else is concerned (kids, family) we've told them there is no one else involved which does smart a bit for me as even if nothing happened between them when we were still together it's obvious that this is a factor.

But I guess that's his problem and he has to tell kids/family in due course about her and they can draw their own conclusion.

Just desperately trying to keep positive - in hindsight perhaps it would have been better if this had all happened when we were working/at school as finding it hard having so much spare time for the next few days. Grateful that we've got a dog as she's been fantastic company for me and her poor little legs must be tired as she's getting plenty of walks

Love and happy thoughts to all for the year to come xx

Moo. Sorry I must of been typing when you posted. Hope you are ok. Guess we are all coming to the point that things are more finalised.

I need to pay ex off then he will sign himself off the deeds. I'm saving hard it isn't an excessive amount but want it done sooner rather than later. I was going to remortgage to raise the funds but that isn't due until March 2020. Want it sorted before then if possible. Would really like to get the mortgage in my own name at that point. Don't know if that will be possible. So he might be stuck on my mortgage For a while yet.

I know he is looking for a private rent. Guess the flat share with friends didn't work out. Hopefully means the kids will actually get a room and beds.

I know there is no going back but it is all so sad. We had something amazing not so long ago. I don't understand why he didn't want to put things right but I try and focus on the shit bits rather than look at us through the rose tinted glasses.

Onwards and upwards. One day at a time.

Hi all, hope you don't mind me jumping on your thread. I've just posted a question about when to let the kids know about a divorce but also wanted to come on here and say how amazing I think you all are!

I'm a way behind you all as my husband told me only two weeks ago about the affair he is having at the moment but he also admitted that he had a 5 year affair from when DS was only a baby (he is 9 now). I'm trying to get my head around the fact that half of our 18 year relationship was a lie and also the fact that he is now breaking up our family. Similar to all of you, I can't understand how he can do this when I would have done anything to keep us together and avoid the children going through this. Like your other halves, they really are so selfish...He's sent a text to me this morning to chase why I haven't issued the divorce petition yet and that he will do it this weekend if I haven't - today is our wedding anniversary - does he not think how that will upset me?!!!

Anyway, I've read through all of your thread from the start and it has brought me a lot of comfort. I don't know how all of you have kept going and kept strong through what you have had to go through - your partners have all lost out massively to have left such nice people! I'm not expecting the months ahead to be easy and it seems like everyone is struggling a bit at the moment but looking back at all the comments I can see that there will be highs and lows and that good times will happen even though it seems difficult at the moment.

We didn't ask to be in the position but we have to try and get through it as best we can and set an example for our children to show them that you can survive even the toughest times and let's show them the right way to behave (to counteract the terrible examples being set by our exes!).

Love and hugs to all xx

Hi rainbows I’m sorry that you find yourself here on this thread and although I can’t speak for others please feel welcome here. Sounds truly awful what you’re dealing with (like the rest of us here in this wonky leaking boat) but from the way you write it seems you are another strong one. Helping others just by talking and offering advice, however small it may seem has been so helpful for me, I think we all gain strength from each other so please keep posting. We’re all at different stages so that doesn’t matter. The rollercoaster analogy is exactly right and the ups and downs can’t be predicted, the only thing to know is that we will all get there one way or another. Although to an extent there are always two sides to a story, I have no doubt that in one way or another we have all been massively short changed by our exes, who seem to be selfish twats across the board. A selfish twat will always be exactly that, so at least you now know and have the chance to move towards better people in life. Hope that helps and big hug to you xx

Thanks crab - so good to hear some kind words and it's great that everyone helps support each other through this...

I agree that my ex will have his own grievances with me and both of us have some blame for how we have treated each other over recent years but the difference is that I really wanted us to try and work through things together whereas his way of dealing with it was to look elsewhere. Now it makes sense why I had the same issues time after time with his lack of communication and lack of emotional support. And you must be a selfish twat to start an affair when your wife is struggling with a baby and a 2 year old rather than trying to ride it out and then make an effort to get back on track...The OW is welcome to him! I'm hoping my anger at him will take over soon from the sadness but it's difficult when I keep looking at the kids who don't know about this yet - it's breaking my heart that we are about to break theirs...

Got to somehow watch the footie tonight as a 'happy' family which will be tough but fingers crossed for an England win!

Hi rainbows

Glad to have you onboard and I hope that you will find this thread useful - even if it’s just to vent from time to time.

Your ex sounds like an unbelievably selfish tw@t (but Im sure you don’t need me to tell you that) and I think you’re doing incredibly well under the circumstances.

If it’s any help I found the stage you’re at now the worst, trying to pretend to be happy families was just awful for me and went on for nearly 2 months before we told the kids and ex moved out (it was around Christmas time and eldest had his mocks so had to wait until just after Christmas). Once he’d gone there was a huge sense of relief and I felt like I could at least relax a bit knowing it was out in the open.

Of course there have been many challenges since then but I feel I’m doing ok - as is everyone else on this thread. We all have different circumstances and our exes are all on varying degrees of tw@tness but one thing we all have in common (and you sound the same) is that we all want to come out of this better people and where there are kids involved, make sure they come through this as unscathed as possible.

Mine were older when we separated (11 and 16) so different challenges to the younger ones but I think all we can do is be as honest as possible with them (and in some cases keep some things from them that would just cause unnecessary upset).

Keep your head up and take one day at a time, you will get through this no matter how hard it seems. One thing I always have said since the beginning of this thread is make sure you take even a few minutes to treat yourself - nice cup of coffee, some cake, a shower or bath. Just something to remind yourself how well you’re doing and how you will come through this stronger xx

Moo - thanks for your comments - they really helped me last night when I read them

Unfortunately I need to vent again already as I'm in pieces this morning. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary which would have been tough in itself but he texted then to say if I hadn't issued the divorce proceedings by the weekend then he would do it. I told him they were mostly drafted and that I would do it and that yesterday was a difficult day for me. Then this morning I get a text to say he has issued the proceedings (unreasonable behaivour against me rather than me filing for adultery against him) - don't know why he would do that when he knew I was doing it...

Plus he sends the text to tell me just as I'm heading to school with DC. It's secondary school induction day and transition day for my youngest and they are both worried (I'd texted ex yesterday to ask if he was helping with drop offs and pick ups at all for the induction and he didn't answer). So the text really upset me at a time when I really needed to be there for the children.

I just don't get what planet he is on - he thinks we can carry on till September without telling the kids and that he can come on the (already booked) family holiday in August and that somehow we can sort everything out through mediation. Well I've done everything I can so far to remain reasonable, try to communicate, keep costs down and, as well as the fact that he has been cheating and lying for 9 years, he now keeps doing more and more to antagonize me.

Despite his lies, I was adamant I wanted an amicable divorce for the kids sake but how can we do that when he behaves like this - why are they so selfish that they don't want that for their kids too??

Sorry, rant over....Have a doctor's appointment in half an hour to get some help with my mental state....

rainbowswillreturn It will get better, trust in that, and you will have a better happier life on your own or with a new partner down the road.

I've been in that limbo stage that you are in since beg of March, I don't want the dc to know until we've got a plan in place with regard to living arrangements and their care. We have a family booked, non refundable for three weeks time. Mediation was meant to start last week which would've meant us being well into it by the time holiday came around. He wouldn't take time off work to go so it's now starting next week so we'll just be in the thick of it before holidays.

We've an apartment booked luckily, because I definitely couldn't tolerate a hotel room holiday with him.

Hi Rainbows this is an awful situation for you. Like mammy says, the one thing to fix on is that you will get through this with time. I can’t offer any specific advice as to what you should do as everyone’s situation is different but I can tell you what I did, whether or not it was the 100% right thing to do.

Although our family split was entirely my ex partners decision, I realised that staying at our family home would be too toxic for my dc so I moved to my parents. She turned very verbally aggressive towards me and I wasn’t in the picture as to her mental state. Over the next three months or so I was engaging with her as a human being until it reached a point where I realised there was something deeply disturbing about her. At this point I calmly said I was not interested in anything beyond the care of my ds and effectively went grey rock. Google it if you’re not sure what this is. It seems pretty clear that your “d”h is a vile person.

If you haven’t already told him, I would tell him that you won’t be engaging with his bullshit or words to that effect. Communication will be about childcare alone. It was important for my mental health to emotionally detach from my ex. This didn’t happen overnight but only took a matter of weeks once I’d realised what a nasty piece of work she was.

As to if you can go on playing happy families, I don’t know. I personally couldn’t which is why I left. If you do decide to go on holiday together then like mammy says sleeping apart is about the only way it would not be unbearable. As to the impact on your dc, with the age of your eldest I’d say it would be very hard to put up a smokescreen for such a long time. It may be in their best interests if you tell them sooner rather than later as pretending things are ok when they obviously are not may cause confusion for your kids and do more harm in the long run. We told our ds a couple of weeks after splitting.

Like I said I don’t feel wise enough to say exactly what the right approach should be, some of the others in this thread may be better but I do think you need to focus on just yourself and your dcs. Screw him. It’s what he’s done to you. Do not give him an ounce more mental energy than is absolutely needed. Hug x

Hi rainbow. Sorry you have had to join us here. And that your ex is being an arse. Think there must be a hand book somewhere.

My advice to you if he has gone formal go formal to. Arrange contact times. Pack his stuff and talk maintenance. Show him you aren't going to be pushed around. I know how hard it is. I was messed about for the first six months and it cost me emotionally and financially.

As for the holiday I would tell him he isn't welcome. Although I also know that you will want to give the children the family holiday you wish it could be. Although I imagine for you the week will be very difficult.

He is not the man you know. He checked out long ago. And now just wants out. Take control of what you can and stay strong
Gather people around you and let them be there for you and the children. It is a bumpy road but I am told it gets better. Keep ranting here we get it. And it helps to sound off to people who are in the know.

Hope everyone else is bearing up with the heat. I'm having a shit parenting evening and have had tears and tantrum all round. I'm sick of being the only one that does any parenting and sets any boundaries. When they are with him they stay up late watch tv and eat shit. And I get the fall out. Every night it is a battle and I have had enough now. 😪

Hi rainbow

Totally agree with what eve says. It sounds like your ex thinks he gets to call the shots about what happens and when. All I can say is he is in for a shock - just because he’s initiated things doesn’t mean he gets to bully you into doing what he wants whenever he wants it.

Really for your own sake it is better to start and lay down some ground rules now about how you want the next few months to work. You may feel you have to go on the family holiday and be in the same house for the foreseeable but take time to think about what is best for you and the kids.

If that means going against how he thinks it should work then so be it. One thing I realised when I accepted the separation was that he couldn’t use the tricks against me that he did before - ie making me feel guilty/inadequate as a wife and also pushing me so much with things that I’d eventually get angry and then somehow it would be my fault for being unreasonable.

He tried a few tricks initially with passive-aggressive texts and things and I responded at first until I realised that he really isn’t my problem anymore and if he says something I disagree with, then I will say what I feel but at the same time don’t feel like I have to respond to his childish behaviour.

It’s such a hard time but things do get easier, especially when your ex moves out - you begin to realise how bad things were, or at least that’s how I felt - I was in denial for the final few years of our marriage and would never have ended it. But once I’d got my head around things I could see how unhealthy the relationship was and although i still feel sad from time to time, especially when ex communicates so formally to me and how he’s already wanting to initiate a divorce without seemingly showing any emotion over the 30 year relationship that is about to end. And most days I would say i don’t exactly feel happy, but things do happen during the day that make me smile and feel happiness - but most importantly, I don’t have anyone making me feel unhappy anymore. He may make me sad and regretful from time to time, but that is preferable to being in the relationship.

Hugs all round xx

Hello all been kept busy with work . Eve I feel like that, I've had enough and just want out as i need to sell house and start properly afresh.
Rainbows sorry you're here but you are very welcome. Crabs advice is right- try to be business like and emotionless in your dealings with the cheating b***d although I know it's really hard- it's only recently I've been able to talk to him without telling him what I think of him.
Eve's also right- it took me a long time to realise that he would have checked out long ago, I spent the first couple of months thinking it was some kind of blip- but he'd moved on emotionally . Tell him you don't want him on holiday - he can't have both worlds . He needs to know you don't want him around.
Also can you counter his divorce claim with one of your own? It's not fair that you take the blame . This us a shit period in your life but you will come through, it's hard and emotional but you gradually start to feel like yourself again .
Xx keep going everyone and.,, come on England! Xx

We must have been writing at the same time moo. I agree I feel sad about the formal communication like we're strangers after 20 plus years and how he seems to think it's all ok and we can just chat - feels awful when we're sorting out possessions so dispassionately . BUT most of the time much better because I don't see him at all x

Hi winter glad you keeping busy and nice to hear from you. Hope you can get a buyer and move on, although right now the whole country seems in limbo. Loving the footy last night too!

Eve sorry you having a rough night. This heat doesn’t help in that respect. It’s so bloody close, you open all your windows and it’s just the same. Being there through the hard times for your dc is a good parenting night. It doesn’t feel like it but you know what I mean. You have had so much to deal with and you’re only human.x

Hi all, good to read your messages. Tough day today as I had to hold myself together for a job interview (I gave up work last October after 15 years of very stressful jobs as I wanted to focus on the kids and try and get along better with ex). However, with the divorce I will need an income if I want to try and stay in the house we are currently in. Think it went OK but not sure how I am going to copy mentally with starting a new job at the moment...

Mammy - sorry to hear your mediation was delayed. It is so stressful to try and keep up a front for the kids but try to be strong to get through your holiday. Try to make time to get away from him during the holiday and do things you enjoy - it will be tough but don't let him spoil the whole time away.

Crab - you were very brave to move out and put DS feelings first. Sounds like you had a terrible time with your ex and I think you were right to change how you were handling the communication. I saw a solicitor yesterday and a letter will be coming to my ex tomorrow so this is the start of me showing I'm not taking any more.

Eve - thanks for your supporting comments especially when it was a tough evening for you. This is already making me mad - we are going to have to cope on our own with all the tantrums, moaning and bickering from the kids as well as coping with all the little things that need doing around the house without anyone for us to moan to/support us. We didn't ask for this and don't deserve it. It's really tough but please try to notice all the little things about your kids that make your heart swell with love and pride (even if it's just going in to see them when they're sleeping). He will be missing out on most of those moments and you will be the person they turn to when they need help/support.

Moo - it's unbelievable isn't it how they can behave after so many years together - like all that time hasn't counted for anything. 30 years for you is such a long time and it must have felt (and still feel so strange) but I'm glad to hear that you don't feel so unhappy now. I think I will make a conscious effort to notice (as you say) all the small things that make me feel happy or make me smile.

Winter - solicitor advised I probably shouldn't counter petition him as it will just be a big waste of money for something that doesn't legal make any difference - that still seems so unfair though. Am hoping for a lottery win in the imminent future so that I can counter petition with money being no object!

Hugs to all - we will keep going and come through this xx

Hello everyone, hope it's ok to post here. H and I seperated a year ago and we're currently waiting for the decree nisi. I thought I had done all my grieving in the past 12 months but I'm so sad now. We were married for nearly 28 years, we married and had our babies in our early 20's. He had been unfaithful a couple of times and I forgave him. Then last summer I knew he was seeing someone else but he wouldn't admit he wanted to be with her.
I had reached the end of my tolerance and understanding and said we needed to split. His behaviour in the weeks leading up to this point was awful, abusive in many ways. I know now that he was manipulating me so that I would initiate the split because he can't bear to look like the bad guy.
Of course he went straight to her, was living with her within two months. I have been totally screwed over financially because I couldn't afford a solicitor, no legal aid etc. However, that's by the by, I don't want his bloody money. What I'm struggling with is loneliness. I've realised, at 51, that I have no friends, no one to talk to. He tried it on with friends I used to have, and with my sister, and with our 25 year old son's girlfriend. He's a lying, amoral, abusive cunt, and I had to come off Facebook because I was sick of seeing him and his smug girlfriend, and everyone appearing to think what he did to me was ok.

I'm sorry, I'm ranting, and making very little sense, probably. I don't know how to deal with these feelings of anger and sadness and the loneliness is killing me, very slowly, a day at a time. I've had my 12 sessions with an NHS counsellor and I don't feel any different. I have no one and I just want to cry all the time.

Hi and welcome to the thread - although I only posted for the first time a few days ago, everyone on here is really friendly and supportive so hopefully we can all help each other through this.

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment - loneliness is one of the things I am dreading. It's not just the fact that there won't be anyone at home to share the little things with but also that friends generally have families or don't live close so can't always be there. Plus my kids are still quite small so I would need babysitters in order to go out. I have to keep reminding myself that I often felt lonely even when my ex was here sat in the same room as me as he wouldn't talk much/was always on his phone. It's easier said than done though when I'm here feeling sorry for myself...

Sounds like you've gone through a really tough time over the years and you been treated terribly. 28 years is a long long time - almost all of your adult life - so don't beat yourself up about feeling down. It will naturally take a long time to get over such a significant part of your life.

Can you see your doctor and try for any more counselling? Maybe with a different counsellor? I haven't tried them yet but maybe also ring the Samaritans when you are feeling particularly low - just is good to hear another human voice sometimes. Plus you can get on forums like this where there will always be someone to listen.

I think the struggle for us all is to build a new life which is scary because it is not what we wanted or expected for ourselves. There's a lot of life ahead of us still but it's not going to be how we expected it to pan out. We need to learn how to feel excited about that rather than letting it overwhelm us. I know I'm going to have to make myself go out and find some activities/groups to be part of but I don't really know where to start at the moment and I'm naturally a very shy person so it is scary.

One thing I saw on TV recently may help us - we need to keep communicating with people and just a few conversations a day will help us feel less isolated. So you start by just smiling at people you pass/encounter when out and about and then just say hello to them. Then challenge yourself to make a comment to a stranger - such as commenting on something in someone's basket at the checkout queue or asking someone what they would recommend in the coffee shop. You just challenge yourself to do a bit more each time and then you it will become more natural to you. You will unconsciously come across as a more open and approachable person and more people will then interact with you. Somewhere along the line you will meet people that you will strike up more of a conversation with and then can become friends. Could be difficult but at least it's a start. Make sure you are going out every day - I always find the library a good place to go to. I don't know if you work but could you do some volunteering in a local charity shop or somewhere else?

And again, I don't know if it's possible for you but could you get a pet? Then you'd always have companionship when you're home alone.

It seems bleak for us now but everyone keeps telling me it will get better and I'll be happier and I know deep down they are right.

Keep going - you are stronger than you feel - and keep posting!

Sending love and hugs xx

Hi putbiglight I know how hopeless things can often feel. I’m not even 6 months in but on some days I feel crushed by the sadness of it all. Rainbows post is excellent.

The hollow feeling of being so shafted by the person you love most tears us apart. It’s with hindsight that I see just how cold blooded and premeditated the abuse was. A means to an end as it were. This helps me go forward as I know that someone capable of this is truly not right in the head and is selfish to a damaging degree. Just a shame she’s the mother of my poor son.

It will take time, I’ve got a long way to go myself but the alternative of staying with an abusive partner is worse still. Being with someone who doesn’t love and value you for yourself is a wasted life. Far better on your own than the security of a bad relationship. Hugs x

Hi putbiglight

Welcome to the thread - I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going though and it all seems so harsh on you and how ex has manipulated the situation so he can look blame free. But the truth always comes out and karma will give him a kick where it hurts sooner or later.

Rainbows and crab’s posts are excellent. I was going to suggest a pet too if it’s possible - the fact they rely on you keeps you going and also the unconditional love you get back is so valuable.

I am naturally quite shy but also quite comfortable on my own, but my kids still live with me so i do think in a few years when they go their own ways that it will hit me more, and I’m not naturally the sort of person who will get up and go out and join clubs etc. So that does concern me that I may gradually disappear into a shell and become somewhat of a recluse. But these days it’s always possible to find someone to chat to - on these forums, other message boards if there are any things you’re interested in where you may find people to chat to. I enjoy messaging some of my friends and Facebook and things like that as I feel like I have company even though I’m on the couch on my own !!

It certainly is a rollercoaster and sometimes I get very scared about what the future holds, and upset at how my ex can just be so cold about it all, it feels like him initiating a divorce is just something he is doing without a second thought or any degree of sadness.

I know you can’t live in the past and sometimes relationships are better ending rather than trying to recapture what you once had. But at the same time, brushing off 30 years with someone within six months also seems harsh.

But we are here anytime you want to just vent. We all have different situations but I always spot things we all have in common with how we feel and what we want for our future.

Xx

Thank you all for your kind words and wisdom. I feel heard and supported, thank you

Evening everyone another fine one too! Was trying to do some gardening this afternoon but just so hot. And then my back went twang and suddenly in hobbling around on painkillers so not the best of times.

I’m with you moo re being a recluse. I’m shy too, and although I’m sort of coming out my shell in terms of smiling and chatting, I worry that it never gets any further and me ending up with 8 cats and a lot of time on my hands. Hopefully not and I’ll find new friends. And maybe one cat.

Really missing ds but my eow next weekend then an 8 day stretch (holiday #1) so that’s coming really soon. My ex is on the verge of moving out of the fh and hopefully a short time later it will be sold. Feel v reluctant to go back even though it makes work a whole lot easier. I can’t do anything till we complete but then hopefully it should be fairly quick. Fingers crossed.

It feels like so much change is about to hit, the calm before the storm. Hugs all x

Hello everyone

How’s everyone doing? rainbows and put I’m sorry you have had to join us, but hope the support on the thread can help a bit. I know I’ve found it so helpful at times to have somewhere I don’t need to put o a brave face for.

crabs hope your back is feeling a bit better.

I’ve still been feeling quite down but have been trying to make a bit of an effort so been out a bit too - including with the other single parent a colleague introduced me too. My eldest is really struggling at the moment, he has always been difficult and I’ve always had this underlying concern about him. He can be so difficult at times - it’s just hard, I don’t have anyone to talk things through with other about him.

Also had a fairly awful experience the other day - was taking the kids out, pulled up at a bus stop ( ex had just dropped kids at house), we were right next to the back doorstep that open to let people off. Doors open and kids suddenly shout ‘there’s OW name’, waving and smiling. She was sat at the bus stop - so practically next to us - she was quite shamelessly waving and smiling at the kids. I honestly didn’t know what to do so barely looked at her ( we were stopped there several minutes). All I’d known about her was her name. Tbh I can’t even remember much of what she looked like. I think she was waiting for ex to pick her up. It was so awful to just suddenly see her like that.

Anyway it’s another step I guess. Sorry for the long post and hope everyone else is doing ok. At least we get a bit of a break from the heat tomorrow

Aww crumps that experience at the bus stop must have been awful.

Unfortunately as your kids are so young they don’t realise that it’s uncomfortable for you doing something like that.

Good on you for keeping it together though and also getting out a bit more.

You are such a remarkable person to keep yourself as dignified as you have been despite extreme provocation from the way ex has behaved and his obliviousness at how hurtful this has been for you.

Hugs xx

Aww crumps that sounds awful, it's no consolation at all that the dc are fond of her. What a fright to get.

Well once again I had a long message from ex via text re the divorce.

He’s looked into it and the average length of a straightforward divorce is 25 weeks - which he seemed to think was long and “joked” it was going to take as long as a Brexit to get a divorce.

He also gave me the options on what to put as the reason on his petition - said he could just put “unreasonable behaviour” but admitted this applies to him rather than me. Then said we could just say we’ve been separated for 2 years and it would be more straightforward.

But basically I have no interest in discussing this, I know my marriage is over but I never imagined I would get a divorce so certainly don’t feel comfortable making jokes.

I just replied briefly and said it’s up to him what he puts as I don’t care.

He obviously then went for a guilt trip and replied saying he does care as he’s known me most of his life and I am the mother of his children. Wow, so if he cares so much why is he so desperate for a divorce already and feels comfortable joking about it and wanting to discuss it so coldly ??

I then replied and said I thought his priorities were wrong and that he is claiming he has no money yet will find £800 for a piece of paper. That if I was pestering him to get back together then I’d understand it but as I was under no illusion we’d get back together I couldn’t see what his rush is - but then just said obviously being legally single means a lot to him so I’d sign off whatever he puts on the petition.

I don’t know, sometimes I wonder if it’s me but I just don’t see the rush. We’ve been married for 18 years and together for 30 so as much as I’m not in denial about it being over I can’t see the harm in waiting for another year or so say especially as things are financially right.

But maybe he has another reason (ie new relationship) which is what i suspect so I will do as I’ve said and sign off on whatever comes through so it doesn’t hold it up.

Just all feels a bit insulting really - have told him I want him to put these discussione on email rather than text as I’m sick of getting messages about divorce when I’m not mentally prepared for it. At least with an email I see it first and know what’s coming.

Hugs xx

Moo. It does seem odd how hard he is pushing to be divorced. He is not holding back. Wonder if ow is something to do with it so that he is actually single.

Good you stood your ground and didn't get involved with sorting it. It is for him to deal with. And very wrong of him to discuss it in such a flippant way and over text.

We are better off without these idiots in our lives. I have managed to go back and read the one e mail exchange I had at the very beginning of the year with my ex. I laid it out how this would shape up if he didn't come back. And it was full of shit. I just read it now and I am angry at the nonsense he perceived the situation to be.

Ow is welcome to the selfish self absorbed twat.

Hope you managed to do something nice for yourself today. I have decided to replace all the towels. Might be generous to offer them to him and ow.

Hope everyone is beating up ok.