Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

Thanks scotgal & bibbidee I know its all a front and she will get a shock when he reveals his true self x I don't know why I looked, I'm just mad for ds.X

@Layniboggs123 like the others have said he will show his true colours in the end! It baffles me how these other women just go along with it. I'd be asking him why he isn't doing things with his son aswell and encouraging it! But suppose we don't no what is being said! Hope you and your DS are ok! Chin up it will all come crashing down on him soon enough x x

Thanks sunflowers me and ds are doing ok better than I expected it just annoys me how he his been with them . We don't need to flaunt our life on social media for people to see were happy . But yes I can't wait for it all to crumble too. Xx

It's nice to see all the positive comments how people are ok. I only separated from my husband a month ago due to his affair and at the minute I can't see how it can get any better! Thank god my little one keeps me strong.
Still fell sick and in our house get waves of anxiety.
Tears come out the blue especially as I start Thinking too much when little one is in bed and I'm alone sitting on the sofa.
It's hard looking at the empty walls where family pictures were!

@Amaz24 big hugs! The first couple of months Are so hard! I basically moved out of my house for 6 weeks and moved in with family as I just couldn't bare being in the house with all the memories! I was getting waves of anxiety, panic, felt sick just couldn't understand it all and was so upset! All this whilst working and looking after my DS! At the time I remember thinking how the hell am I ever going to move back in that house and make a new life. I remember my dad saying to me you will and it will get better! And you no what he was right! After those 6 weeks I moved back into my house and since then have started making it exactly how I want it! More girly. I find I'm loving sitting watching series on Netflix once ds goes to bed or ring a friend to have a catch up! I go on Pinterest to look at ideas for my houseI basically just do whatever I feel like to keep me busy! I still need to sort divorce and financial things out and I am expecting that to bring a whole lot of new feelings but I'm ready for it! It will get better I promise xx

Thank you everyone for your support. I long for the time when I have a good day xx
I'm still sitting here in the house the little one is watching a cartoon just like normal and I'm feeling sick on the verge of tears!

Keep yourself busy. I'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment today (don't know why not had a trigger lol) so I'm putting it to good use and doing a spring clean. Music on, kids happy playing stuff, dogs looking and wagging their tails at me - a lot to be thankful for.....

I got an email yesterday to say the copy of my marriage certificate has been dispatched from UK, had a good counselling session yesterday morning, haven't had any messages from stbxh except from the other day to arrange when he is taking the kids when he comes back. It's been ups and downs but my horoscope and tarot say that positive changes are coming so I'm happy lol!!

Don't think today is going to be a good day.
6yo is already asking why daddy and I aren't together anymore and that we are silly and can we not get back together. He's crying and doesn't want me to touch him.
We told him about 3-4 weeks ago we would no longer be living together.
What can I say?
I'm Telling him we love him and you still see daddy. And I'm saying it's ok to be sad because I am but sometimes it happens and we have no control of it and no answer. Not giving an answer isn't helping.
I can't say your dad had a year long affair!!!
Little one is up and down he says he's sad and angry but it's so hard seeing him upset especially when it's not my fault and I'm just as sad! It breaks my heart. I know it's good he's talking to me and rather that than say nothing.
And of course ex is not here all the time to deal with it!
💔😪

I don't feel strong enough today!

Oh amaz that must be so hard. Kids are resilient and he’ll be ok.

Still not sure my two understand but too young to have the conversation really

Amaz

I told my two DCs yesterday and my husband moves out today ( same story as everyone else on here really - 18 years together now just gone. At least an EA - he seems happy to be moving out).

My eldest DC is about to turn 6 and he was devastated, crying all day. He also kept asking me why all the time. Although it kills me to do this I made out it was a joint decision and just kept saying that it is really sad but sometimes grown ups just don’t get on anymore, which means they are grumpy and angry with each other, and this had happened to us so we think it is better for daddy to move out. That daddy and mummy love him very much but don’t want to live together anymore and I’m really sorry. I also stressed that love between grown ups is different to love for your children and that our love for him will never stop.

I think he asked well over a hundred times yesterday and it was the first thing he asked this morning. Am dreading this afternoon when husband leaves. I think repeating the same message is all we can do? It did also mean that he blamed me - why couldn’t I be nicer so daddy didn’t leave. But I can live with that.

I’m sorry you are going through this too. It’s so hard dealing with the loss of your marriage and the DC loss at the same time, when it isn’t something you wanted.

Thank you wellyboots and Ilovecrumpets. It's sooooooo hard. I just down know how I have a future as I just can't imagine it.
My little one is the same ilovecrumpets but what can I say to him. I can't make it better. I'm hurting just like him. He blamed me this morning and said I chose this! I told him it wasn't just me but it still breaks my heart 💔
I thought I would always be ok if it happened as don't mind my own company, don't need anyone etc- how wrong was I!!!!!'

Amaz24 sending you lots hugs and support. I'm up and down like a yoyo . Some days I think I can conquer everything. The next really down. Today was a down day, just really hit me again , crying all the time feeling really lonely , like you I'm normally happy on my own. Bit better now have rung and spoken to a friend.
Hope you're feeling a bit better X

Wintersnow how longs it been for you?
I'm sorry you've had a hard day.
Glad people talk on here for support.
I know people say it will get better but it is hard to see at times.

maybe just because I'm having a few angry days this weekend but if it was me, I would have been tempted to tell your son to ask his father why he was leaving. He has chosen that path so why shouldn't he explain it to his son??

It is really up and down, today and yesterday I have quite a lot of anger.... suppose it will get worse as I file for divorce and have to deal with whatever crap STBXH decides to throw at me once I do.....but then it will get better again for sure. I suppose we just have to take the rough with the smooth.....chin up everyone xxx

p.s have been reading a lot about male MLC'S and some signs point to STBXH having one.... have included the links for the 2 parts of one of the articles I read which seem to make sense....

www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/bid/42682/mid-life-crisis-is-my-husband-having-one

www.guystuffcounseling.com/counseling-men-blog/bid/43024/Midlife-Crisis-Men-Characteristics

4 months. I have got a lot stronger , crying all the time at the beginning to being generally ok, so it does get a bit better and unfortunately it takes a long time but it's always there at the back of your mind ready to explode.
I think there is a lot to be said about Mid life crisis, I think they have a fear of missing out.

I hate the person he's made me at the min, crying , anxiety, blubbering mess at times. All I want to do is curl up. I don't recognise myself.
Thank god for my 6yo!!!!

scotgal2017 I've just looked at the mid life crisis links- it hits everything about him and it is so sad to realise too late what it is and that his failure to communicate his feelings has led to this .

Amaz24 it's so unfair isn't it. You didn't choose this. Invite same I hate feeling so emotional , I'm not normally.

I'm the same not invite.

Sending hugs to you all. I'm really glad ds is fine with everything. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be them crying for them. My Ds constantly says it's so much better without stbxh he's 8 and it doesn't seem to have bothered him at all. Stbxh was hardly here anyways as always at pub so not really much to miss for him.

Layinboggs123 have just read an earlier post of yours. It's funny how they can suddenly do things with the OW when they were too busy or couldn't be bothered before. Put that much into their own relationship and it may have been saved. They are blind and hedonistic.

Exactly wintersnow17 OW will have a big shock when he's not trying to impress her anymore and reveals his true self !

Hello all, it's been weeks since I've posted on this thread and I see we have a few new joiners. I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to people. I thought I would update and provide a little positivity, and also wanted to say there is hope and you do come out the other side!

I have really turned a corner and am getting on with my life. I never, ever thought I would be happy again. I was utterly destroyed with grief at the beginning when stbxh upped and left me and our baby daughter four months ago. But, I've lost two stone, have a fab new job with lovely people and...wait for it...I'm dating! I was devastated, but I wouldn't take him back now if you paid me. Yes, life is a bit chaotic and crazy, and I would be nowhere without my incredible support network of amazing friends and family (and my cleaner lol). Christmas was great because I surrounded myself with people and just thought sod it, I'm done being miserable. And when I think back to having to literally pick myself off the kitchen floor a few months ago, and compare that with who I am now, it's like night and day. I have been reflecting too on what happened and why, and that journey is far from over, but at least I'm happy.

I read an interview with a famous therapist last week in which she said "Love goes wrong when we forget to tell the other person what we want, and forget to ask them what they want." I can't speak for anyone else if course, but for me personally there is a great deal of truth in that.