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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

Does it get better?

999 replies

Mambot · 18/08/2017 11:19

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

OP posts:
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Bradybounce1 · 21/12/2017 23:41

Newton I've had a day of ignoring her useless messages. Long may it continue.

sunflowers4 · 23/12/2017 22:25

Hope everyone is doing ok during this Christmas period? Think this will be a tough one for most of us! I no I am feeling a bit sad today but know I will get through it! Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas Smile xxx

newtonml64 · 23/12/2017 23:33

@sunflowers lovely to hear from you. Feeling very sad today as well. I’ve had a lot of tears tonight having seen photos of the b*h and stbxh together but with the help of good friends and family I’ve got through it. I know I’ll get through the next couple of weeks but it will be hard! Stay strong everyone we are here for each other if we need to offload. Xx

Viking64 · 23/12/2017 23:47

You know what it's ok to be sad. I will feel it Christmas day I'm going out for a while so my son can spend time with his mum who's coming to ours . Got nowhere to go but will just drive around. I feel for my son it's hard for him . Taking a Christmas card round her dads tomorrow which will be nice I think.so as I said we have a right to be sad I think we've all earnt it but we will all be ok for sure . Happy Christmas from me to all of you Xmas Wink

sunflowers4 · 24/12/2017 06:33

@newtonml64 sorry you are feeling so rubbish! But we are lucky we have good friends and family around us! I am putting everything into making this a good Christmas for my DS! Hating the fact that my time with him has to be split! But I am sure I will get used to it! I think the first of everything will be hard, but we will get through it! @Viking64 lovely to hear from you! Hope you don't have to be out driving for too long!! Rubbish that you are the one having to do that! Have a lovely Christmas everyone! As newton has said we are all here if you need anyone to talk to! Lots of hugs xxxx

Layniboggs123 · 24/12/2017 08:07

Hi everyone I'm feeling pretty much the same sad of the situation but I'm trying to think how my life was before and I must admit I'm much happier overall . Im concentrating on DS too making it as fun as possible. Movies games and making cookies for Santa later too. Hope you all have a lovely Xmas too Xmas Smile

Bradybounce1 · 24/12/2017 10:25

I hope everyone is ok through this tough time. I'm looking forward to seeing the little one on boxing day!

Thinking of you all Wine

Wellyboots86 · 24/12/2017 15:43

As viking said, it’s ok to be a bit sad, this is the first of a new type of Christmas for us all and will naturally feel strange (especially as my stbxw is coming over later).

Went to see Star Wars today so I could have a bit of me time before the potential stress of tomorrow.

Hope everyone has a good Christmas

Wintersnow17 · 25/12/2017 01:24

Hi all a while since my last post and just catching up.wellyboots- I can't imaging talking to OW - how did you manage to be civil?
I hope everyone has a decent Christmas X

Wellyboots86 · 25/12/2017 07:58

Merry Christmas everyone!

winter I think it’s just because it’s been 6 months and time has helped.

Viking64 · 25/12/2017 14:41

Cooked Christmas roast for me and my son that was an hour ago and as of now we are both still very much alive so well pleased and contrary to my post a few weeks ago aunt bessie was in no way involved at all. Wishing you all a happy and safe Christmas. Here's to next year I've had enough of this one tbh

Wellyboots86 · 25/12/2017 15:46

We’ll done viking 👍 I agree, apart from a few good moments I can’t wait to see the back of 2017!

Layniboggs123 · 25/12/2017 18:30

Yea same here had a fab day but glad to see back of 2017.. so much planned for 2018 tho xx

sunflowers4 · 26/12/2017 09:11

Well done on the Christmas dinner @Viking64! Was a bit emotional Xmas eve and last night but was expecting it due to it being the first one! I agree had enough of 2017 too! Here's to a better 2018 for us all! Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas Day! Happy Boxing Day Smilex x

newtonml64 · 26/12/2017 13:00

Yes we did it and seems to be so much positivity from the group. Mine was made special by my wonderful family friends to whom I will always be grateful. Yes there were tears and sadness but it soon passed. Here’s to another fuelled fill alcohol and eating day 😉xx

Wintersnow17 · 26/12/2017 14:00

Good day yesterday. A massive thanks to all family and friends who just get it and know a simple text means the world.
Actually brilliant spending time with family yesterday and not having to worry about if Stbxh is ok/bored etc.
Hopefully the positives out weigh negatives.
Glad that most of you had good day and I think a masseuse thanks to all on here X here's to the back of 2017 X Xmas Smile

Wintersnow17 · 26/12/2017 14:00

Massive!

Wellyboots86 · 26/12/2017 19:23

Been a bit of a flip flop day today. Had family over which was nice but in the afternoon I just felt so lonely!

I really enjoyed the last two days with stbxw, no tension and felt exactly how we used to be, even joking around a bit.

But then I know she did a 100+ mile round trip to meet om and they are together until tomorrow night....just feel rubbish as I know she’s happy both here and with him and I seem stuck in the past again.

Viking64 · 26/12/2017 19:32

Make sure you are strapped in wellyboots the rollercoaster that is our emotions is in overdrive at the moment

Wellyboots86 · 26/12/2017 19:58

I think part of the problem is mixed signals viking. Ages ago I’d bought some comedy tickets for her (and me) that I gave her yesterday assuming she’d go with om but she straight away asked if I wanted to go and it said it would be nice to go together.

I’m assuming she means as friends obviously but still, head spinning a bit as wasn’t expecting an invite as she didn’t last time (August)

Viking64 · 26/12/2017 20:25

Trouble is I think those who do the leaving get it in their head that things can carry on as before because they are not hurting afterall they've got what they want haven't they. Either that or edging their bets as they never know when their shangri-la may come crashing down around their ears and keeping one foot in the door if you like would seemingly make it easier to come back that's how clearly I see things. My wife desperately wanted to speak to me a month ago according to my son and when that didn't happen a few days later she made her new man public as if no one knew . My son thinks she was after a reconciliation because of what she was saying to him. I know you have young kids but I couldn't go anywhere with my wife after she left it slows the healing down massively and mixed feelings keep you in limbo

Wellyboots86 · 26/12/2017 21:55

It’s purely because of the boys that I can do anything with her. Would not be happening otherwise

Viking64 · 26/12/2017 22:14

Yes I can understand that it would give me mixed signals as well

sunflowers4 · 27/12/2017 10:36

@Wellyboots86 it's a rollercoaster of emotions! I've been the same, over Christmas period have done things together for DS sake. Sometimes I look at him and can't believe what he has done as here are times he seems just like the person I once knew! I then have to remind myself what's happened to bring me back to reality! I do find i Have been happier without him! But just getting glimpses of the person I once knew and doing things with DS makes me realise i miss the family unit I once had! I knew the Christmas period would bring mixed emotions! Dreading the filing for divorce and sorting the house out in the new year as that will be another mix of emotions x x

Wintersnow17 · 28/12/2017 12:26

Viking64 you're exactly right about the fact they think they can carry on as they did before because they did the leaving. I really don't think they can understand the level of hurt and the pain. Also- I think you're right about that one foot in the door in case it doesn't work out or wanting to be friends to assuage their own guilt and to say to the world '' look I'm not horrible we're still friends'' - the level of self illusion and denial about what they've done is awful to witness.
I've been fine the last few days being too busy and occupied by Christmas, now back to earth with a bump. Have time on own and so mind just starts working overtime knowing they are together and wondering what they are doing . There seems to be no guilt that I'm left having to fill my time. The irony is I'm having a great time with friends and family but at the same time want that couple we were where we could just go for a walk or to the pub. I really miss all of that and its torture thinking of him doing those things with her.
Sorry folks it's the highs and lows this time of year I suppose. Hope you're all ok.
Roll on 2018🍾

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