Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

I'm in a positive mindset at the moment. Hoping I've turned a corner and this lasts but who knows!! @Bradybounce1 just taking each day as it comes and concentrating on my DS seems to be working!! Hoping you are having more up days than down! X x

I feel same glad it's happened now and glad he treat me the way he has because it's made it so easier to get over him! I do think he will regret things because he has changed his personality completely to be with OW he cant keep this up forever. I was so laid back with him and she is very controlling and deffo calls the shots plus heated arguments in public places already. This is honeymoon period should be all fun . I now think I'll be having last laugh.

@Layniboggs123 absolute madness! It really does baffle me how they change and leave everything for a person they hardly no! If this is their honeymoon phase will be interesting to see what happens when that's over! Definitely sounds like you will be having the last laugh! And I agree his behaviour and actions have made it easier for me to get over him! Sometimes I actually feel sorry for him - don't no why!! Xx

sunflowers4 I feel sorry for him sometimes too don't know why either. I keep thinking maybe he's had a breakdown or something it's the only thing I can think of to explain his behaviour xx

How's things everyone not posted for a while but read most posts. Just like to say that I felt that my wife went through some kind of breakdown or something similar I never recognised her in the end but they make their beds and have to lie in them don't they. My son finds it hard sometimes because when they meet up which is seldom it's always on her terms and timescale. They are meeting tomorrow but she has to leave early because she is cooking her new man a roast and that hurts my son he doesn't say but I know.As for me I love anything aunt bessie does

@Layniboggs123 exactly the same here! A breakdown is the only explanation I can think of for his behaviour! He's completely changed and even his own family have said it!

@Viking64 good to hear from you! Hope you are doing well? Think they all must be going through some sort of breakdown/ midlife crisis as all of their behaviour is very similar x x

viking good to hear from you again. I'm sorry she's hurting your son like that, can't believe she's prioritising om over her own son but guess that's what we should expect after all this.

Hope everyone’s OK. My friends and family have said all along my stbxh is having a midlife crisis but Until recently I thought it was beause he was so unhappy in our marriage. BUT his behaviour is totally out of character and the fact he constantly feels the need to justify his “love and happiness” for the b*h with our DS and DD makes me wonder if it is a midlife crisis. He is acting like a immature teenager and our DS and DD have lost all respect for him and refuse to have anything to do with him. He appears not to mind but I’m not too sure if that’s just a cover. Only he knows the truth!

@Viking64

As for me I love anything aunt bessie does

Classic! 😆

Newtonml64 Their behaviours are all simular that they have changed so much in such a short space of time . Even DS as said dad is like a different person as he's all family orientated nah where as before it was pub football pub! It's good for ds at min but feel he will soon revert to his old self ! Or do people just change at 38?

Wellyboots
how's it going mate hope it's all ok . I'm not surprised my ex is behaving like she is. She basically clung to him like a limpet before she left and I think she's pinning all her future happiness on him because she hates being on her own even when we were together and she had a day off from work on her own she hated it. All rather pitiful really.
SUNFLOWERS
how are you all looking up I hope. I think the Christmas period will be difficult for a lot of us but they are just another of many trying days aren't they. Anyway I'm wearing my mistletoe around my neck everywhere I go even shopping but so far no luck

@Layniboggs123 yep my stbxh changed in a very short amount of time! And his behaviour is also very out of character!

@Viking64 I am doing well thanks! Things have really started to look up- feeling a lot more positive and actually enjoying my own company! Sounds like you are doing well also? Xx

I know this is such a minor thing but really annoyed me. Had a message from stbxw this morning saying she hoped I was ok and to stay safe due to all the snow today (I’m a delivery driver) which was unexpected and nice as certainly not something she’d have done a month or so ago.

However, when I get to hers to pick up the kids she pops upstairs to get change of clothes for ds1 and her phone lights up with a message from him where he used my name. Now, I don’t know his so why in the hell has she told him mine? I know it’s a minor thing but she said to me her life with him is separate from life with boys so why does he know things about me if it’s separate?

That's really annoying Welly and it's not a small thing. One of the things I hate is that the OW possibly knows things about me. I want her to know nothing. Having read various posts on here I agree about the mid life crisis things and the feeling that somehow they are pleased with themselves and somehow proud of what they've done -and yet, and yet despite the hurt theyve caused they actually really don't know how it feels and want to be friends. I would love for them to just have one day in my thoughts because they would then truly know.
Also having read a post earlier, mambot I think it was- there was nothing wrong in our relationship either - he had a moment of madness that's now taken over his life. He even admits there was nothing wrong. So it's missing all the things about our relationship that he's now doing with her - it's a surreal, cruel place to be.

wintersnow I confronted her about it and she just said “that’s all he knows and I told him as you’re still a part of my life” and got huffy that I’d seen the message!

Seeing as she only refers to om as “he” to me this seems unbalanced. No reason he can’t just know me as “my ex” or “boy’s dad” without my name!

Ah well, sod the bitch, not worth the stress!

Can I just ask as well everyone, is it the what are they doing now? Are they having fun together? Laughing at the way they've treated me? Thoughts that really kill you when you're on your own? Is that irrational or does everyone go through that? I'm fine most of the time now but it's when I'm tired or on my own - I cannot stand that they are happy at my expense.

Funny that they're the ones who get huffy and defensive isn't it!?

For me wintersnow it’s the way she’s just carried on with her life with no regard for my feelings or anyone else’s. She’s still moaning about day to day stuff to me like we are still a couple and treats days out together like we’re a big happy family.

Not that an apology would mean anything anymore but it would be nice if one day she acknowledges how awfully she treated me at the end of our relationship

Yes! That's it, they carry on as if it's all normal. They carry on and have their life and what they want and don't seem to give two hoots about what they've done to you. They've chosen their path and are happy with it, while they keave a trail of destruction behind. I can't believe how they can look people in the eye and how people around them can accept them either . It really eats away at me that they're doing all the fun, jolly things and I'm having to rebuild my life as a single person.

Hey guys. Sorry I've been a bit quiet. But I've been moving! So exciting. Life finally feels like it is on the up.
STBXH is being extra nice and helpful but after dropping dd back to me yesterday and looking at the new flat he said he had to go otherwise if the weather turned he wouldn't be able to get down to see ow. It's clear where his priorities lie!

@Wintersnow17 everything you have described is exactly how I have felt at one point or another! It's totally normal to have thoughts about what they will be doing etc it's not irrational at all! I still have the odd thought like that now but the difference is they don't affect me negatively anymore. A thought about them together can just randomly pop into my head but I have no feeling attached to it any more!

Also there was nothing wrong in our relationship either - we had a tough year mostly down to decisions he made, but he even admits now I have done nothing wrong and there was nothing wrong in our relationship to make him do what he has done- which makes it even harder to try to understand! But I am at the point now that I think I have accepted what has happened and I no longer try to understand his decisions and actions because I'll never get answers! I don't think he even understands it! A lot of his actions are irrational!

I agree @Wellyboots86 it’s the way she’s just carried on with her life with no regard for my feelings or anyone else’s. This is exactly how I feel!

@Wintersnow17 I agree it's hard to see them just carrying on with their life happy as Larry whilst not caring about the people they have hurt and leaving 1 big trail of destruction! One thing I have struggled with is how people are now just accepting it- i don't no why as life goes on and I can't expect people to never accept it! I no his family don't agree with what he has done but I find it hard that they can all just carry on as normal - whilst in the meantime I'm over here with my DS trying to rebuild my life and pick up the pieces! I am just hoping they don't last - as don't want my DS to have anything to do with her and also I would find it really hard seeing all of his family accept her! But trying not to think that far ahead!!

@LizaJane85 So glad to see things are looking up for you and you are feeling more positive!!! Things can only get better now - keep smiling

Anyway sorry for the long ramble hope everyone is doing ok? Xxxx

Thanks Sunflowers- that really helps, we are clearly on the same page with how we feel. I try to keep thoughts of them together out if my head, but when they sneak in I'm in bits, looking forward to it having no impact. I also hope it doesn't work out for them , the way they are can't keep up its all weekends away and money spent. At the moment it is killing me that people ie their families and work colleagues are accepting them , it seems totally wrong, I'm sure that there are some people that don't approve but we don't get to see it do we? Also not quite sure what he's said to them. And not one member of his family has contacted me to ask how I am- I am really hurt by that complete cut off because of his behaviour. I wonder if they are embarrass? But you're right , life goes on but it seems so unfair that the innocent parties are the ones going through all of the pain while they carry on brazenly as if everything is ok. I'd really like to tell his work colleagues what he's really like. My turn to apologise for long ramble. Hope all ok

@Wintersnow17 not sure how long it's been for you since all this happened! But the time will come when you accept it and those thoughts won't hurt as much and will become less and less. Don't get me wrong I wish it hadn't had happened, but it has and I decided I have 2 options - let it destroy me or try my best to accept it and move on! I chose the latter. It hasn't been easy by all means and I've had days were I've cried, got angry, felt bitter, felt sad! It's been an emotional rollercoaster like it has for many people on here! Having my DS to concentrate on has really helped and he is the reason I am feeling more positive! I wanted to protect him and make sure it had as little impact on him as possible!

You are right they can't keep it up! They are in the honeymoon phase- that doesn't last!! When reality hits I'm sure it will be a different story! In my opinion I think they are searching for something that doesn't exist! In my case i think there is some deep unhappiness within my STBXH that only he can address and sort!

And it's awful seeing everyone seemingly accept what they have done but you don't no what they are saying to people! As my dad will say- it will all come out in the wash!

If you need to rant or anything feel free to pm me! Big hugs! Xxxx

@wintersnow17 I feel exactly the same. It’s hard to understand how people accept his new life and the b*h being his new partner. I think about them together most days so that’s natural, with Xmas round the corner I feel the thoughts are heightened.. hopefully with time it will get easier and we will stop torturing ourselves. I worry that she has been accepted by my in-laws and she will now take my place at their table. I’m seeing them this week, which I know will be difficult as they say they don’t want to get involved and speak about the situation so it will be like the elephant in the room. I will never accept what he has done but I will move on. I feel slightly stronger than I did 4 months ago but Xmas is setting me back a little. When I’m really down I keep reminding myself of the hurtful words he has said, the immature behaviour he has shown and remind myself he is no longer the man I married and loved. Ta good that we are all here for each other.

@newtonml64 @Wintersnow17 understand what you mean about never accepting it! I just wanted to clarify when I say accept I mean accept the situation as it is now! I probably will never accept what he has done either as it's completely wrong what he has done, but I have learnt to accept the situation I am in now if that makes sense 

@newtonml64 I feel the same way about the OW taking my place at the table and the in laws accepting her! however my in laws have been very supportive towards me and have told him that he has done wrong and how they feel so I suppose I am lucky in that way! Must be so hard to see them and not be able to talk about it!!

Also I feel I am doing well now but I have done nothing about initiating divorce and sorting finance out! I am starting all of that process in January! Must say I am dreading this and I think part of the putting it off is that I am worried about it setting me back abit as it makes everything more real- does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone initiated the divorce and sorted finance situations? Has it made you feel better or worse? X x