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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Does it get better?

999 replies

Mambot · 18/08/2017 11:19

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

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newtonml64 · 27/11/2017 06:27

Another weekend behind us. How are you all? I can’t seem to get the thought of my stbxh and his b*h together, having sex and being intimate together, feeling jealous and lonely that I’ll never have that with him again! Is that normal? After all he’s done and putting me through I still crave is attention and want him. I wish I could stop torturing myself and turn the thoughts off ☹️ Life is crap but I’ll put my brave face on and get on with it but underneath I’m crumbling. Wish I could have posted a more positive message .

Layniboggs123 · 27/11/2017 07:17

Wellyboots86 gosh sounds lovely the om,I don't get why leave a family for something that's not gonna last either. My STBXH is playing family man which he's deffo not eating food he's never liked to impress but it will soon fade..

And I feel the same newtonml64 but then I think I've had a lucky escape and would I really want him back ? Deffo not. There will be no trust in their new relationship if they can cheat on us they can cheat on them.

sunflowers4 · 27/11/2017 10:22

@Wellyboots86 WOW unbelievable! It's just hard to try and understand why leave a family and split a family unit up - uprooting the kids for someone like that?? I suppose we will never ever get there way of thinking so no point in even trying to understand it! Are you feeling ok?

@newtonml64 @Layniboggs123 It's completely normal to feel this way - it's such a hard time but just think of it as a phase you have to get through to get closer to the light at the end of the tunnel! I completely no how you feel I was feeling like that for the past 3 weeks and I have come out of that slump now! And you will too!

Not sure if anyone has heard of it but I have just started reading the book "runaway Husbands" by Vikki Stark. I would recommend it- she has been though the same thing and talks about the whole experience and it also has other people's stories in it! It also provides an insight into how you are feeling, Recovery process and also provides an understanding in why some men / women do what they do! It's really helped me so far xx

sunflowers4 · 27/11/2017 10:27

@Layniboggs123 and completely agree - would you want back a liar and a cheat? Not going to lie I wish I had the man I loved and married back and none of this happened! But I am coming to the realisation - that man has gone now! He no longer exists! I would never in a million years take him back after everything he has put me and my DS through- you will get to that realisation to @newtonml64 lots of hugs xx

Daybyday2017 · 27/11/2017 11:02

@newtonml64 - don't worry about posting any message & I'm feeling the same. Wish I could give you a hug.

Wellyboots86 · 27/11/2017 11:27

sunflowers yeah I’m fine now, getting a better sense of who she’s becoming has really helped me to shatter the illusion of the wife I was missing!

Sorry you’ve had such a rough weekend newton and layniboggs but just look at how quickly it can change, you’ll get there.

newtonml64 · 28/11/2017 06:29

Had an awful night and feel I haven’t slept at all. He was constantly on my mind and I dreamt he came home but only to tell me he was moving in with her. And then my daughter began to tell me how lovely the OW was and she was happy for them. But it was all a dream and now I’m awake back to reality. I need to put my face on to brave the world when all I want to do is curl up in a corner and cry😥. I hate feeling this way, I know I have to go through it to get to the other end but as we all know it’s not easy. I’m angry at the thought of what he’s telling his parents and so called friends, also at the fact he’s getting on with his life and I’m left to pick up the pieces. Hope you all had a better night.

Daybyday2017 · 28/11/2017 07:50

@Newtonml64 - Sending love, the only reason I'm not having bad dreams is because I've been prescribed sleeping pills. I'll be thinking of you today xx

Wellyboots86 · 28/11/2017 08:02

newton sorry you’ve had a tough night. Just remember he’s in the honeymoon phase right now and that’ll fade.

All our cheating exes are in a Peter Pan mindset and don’t wan5 to grow up but eventually they’ll have to

Daybyday2017 · 28/11/2017 08:21

@Wellyboots86 - you're right everyone here is living the reality of this & we will get through

sunflowers4 · 28/11/2017 08:30

@newtonml64 it's really not easy it's one of the hardest things you can go through! Big hugs! So sorry you are having such a hard time, don't really no what else to say but that it will pass. I have been exactly where you are! @Wellyboots86 is right they don't want to grow up and they think everything should be always perfect in a relationship, but eventually they will realise that life isn't like that and it will come back and bite them in the a**se!! I'm the mean time we will have happily moved on Smilehope you have a better day! Xxxx

Original poster
Mambot · 28/11/2017 22:09

Hiya everyone, hope you are all ok today. Feels like a family here! I've been reading and keeping up but always get nervous about posting because of the twattery from my ex.

Seems like we've all been having a bad time. Christmas is going to be hard.

Wellyboots, I read what you said your ex's boyfriend said and honestly cringed. How embarrassing for her. I bet she regrets doing this, no way any woman is going to be thinking they've struck it lucky there.

How do you feel after it?

Sunflowers, I read runway husbands after it happened, it really resonated with me and helped me move away from constantly blaming myself.

Newtonml, sounds like your going through a rough patch. Those thoughts are awful, and so intrusive. I try to interrupt the thought by picturing them both as spotty teens and it makes it a lot less painful and let's face it, it's quite accurate because that's how they behave!

Daybyday I properly laughed out loud at your last post 'the only reason I'm not having bad dreams is because I've been prescribed sleeping pills'. I might get that printed off, it'll be my version of a motivational quote Grin.

And layniboggs, the knowledge the they've done something so awful and their behavior is so bad you could never take them back is weird for me... Kind of liberating because I know I'm not going to weaken at any point, but also really upsetting when you think of what could have happened in the future.

I tell myself that the future I hoped for was never coming anyway but I'm still not over that sadness....

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Original poster
Mambot · 28/11/2017 22:12

Just thinking, when I started this thread I was really hoping people would tell me it would get easier and the pain would be less but what I really meant was 'that he will start to feel the same pain and he will get his karma'.

I do feel better, it is getting easier but he soldiers on in his destruction. No karma at all really, and I'm worried there never will be. It's like I'm moving on but I'm very bitter and broken by it all, I feel like it will never fully resolve you know?

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Original poster
Mambot · 28/11/2017 22:15

Lizajane, massive hugs, how are you feeling this week?

And I'm hoping Viking has ridden off into the sunset with the nice woman who was cooking for him! Grin

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Viking64 · 28/11/2017 23:14

Hey mambot how you keeping. I've not ridden off just yet and I read posts everyday.As for me I am still seeing my lady we are both relaxed about seeing each other we just enjoy each others company. She's also been badly hurt but we just clicked from the outset.She's very kind and considerate which I've learnt is very underated but so important. I think my situation was slightly different to others because I used to feel lonely in my marriage but would never have left my wife for someone else. Take care of yourself and I'm always here if you need to chat mate .

LizaJane85 · 29/11/2017 05:35

Hey mambot. I'm feeling a lot more positive... dd and I have finally got our own place! And our freedom! Our fresh start at last. Thanks for checking in. Keep going... you've come a long way Thanks

Wellyboots86 · 29/11/2017 07:56

Hi mambot tbh I pity her as she’s obviously having some kind of mid life crisis!

I’m in a position mentally now where I can see her for what she’s become not what I miss and that’s helped a lot

CookieDough50 · 29/11/2017 08:17

Hi Newtonml, I feel very similar to you although at the same time I recognise that he is utterly selfish and so on a rational level I wouldn't want him back. It's difficult though seeing them together and it literally takes me days if not a few weeks to get over each time I see them together. I'm also left to pick up the pieces of his actions, whilst ex and OW carry on as usual.

Layniboggs123 · 29/11/2017 09:44

Hi everyone hope you are all well.

Something as just clicked with me at the minute and I no longer feel sad when I see him it's more like pity like wellyboots86 .
I feel good in myself and DS is happy too . It may not last but it's all good at minute.

newtonml64 · 29/11/2017 10:24

@mambot you have put a smile on my face this morning .. the image of them both being spotty teenagers is just what I needed. 🤣 Thanks

Bradybounce1 · 29/11/2017 12:19

Spoke to @WellyBoots86 last night. Great person.

Opened my eyes to a lot of what's going on. Wish I had reached out months ago.

Wellyboots86 · 29/11/2017 12:58

Glad it helped brady

sunflowers4 · 29/11/2017 13:42

@Layniboggs123 @Wellyboots86 I am feeling like you both at the minute! Not missing him as a husband! ( more sad I am no longer part of a little family unit but that's getting slightly easier also!) seeing him for what he really is and glad I am not apart of that! After 3 weeks of feeling in a dark place it feels good to have this positive mentality! Like you not sure how long it will lasts but embracing it!! @Bradybounce1 glad you have had some support and it has made a big difference! X x

Bradybounce1 · 29/11/2017 17:18

sunflowers4 Thank you.

It's been a tough road and I'm sure I'll have more down days ahead. I need to start writing things down. Today has been a mostly good day - lets see how the evening goes.

It definitely made a difference - some real eureka moments in there. I may never get justice but I will be truly happy and not just make do with the lack of love/support that I had.

Layniboggs123 · 30/11/2017 22:07

Well DS met OW her dc's today, pictures again all over social media but I expected nothing less. I've spoke to ds as stbxh needed to ring me after to prove hes happy with the situation. Ds said he had fun and wants to see them again. I'm glad he feels comfortable and tbf he was playing in a ball pool with new friends so hes gonna have fun. . Part if me wanted him to hate them a bit selfish but everything just seems to run smooth for stbxh.

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