Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

@Mambot - I know, I only have contact via FIL & but I dread hearing. I wish we all lived near each other for support. It's a nightmare at the moment. I keep telling myself that it must get better.

Divorce is hell. My best advice is when he presses you to say "Let me think about that and get back to you". That doesn't mean you have to get back to him. I found that stalling irritated him a lot and since I am a "defective woman who always has that baby with her and sews a lot", I stalled all the time.

My first year after the divorce I got no presents. My DD was 2. I was so depressed. The next year I bought both of us underwear and socks and such and wrapped each item and piled them all under the tree. Looked like we were in the money! DD was old enough to open some of the presents and played with the rest. It was a much better Christmas.

It’s the dreaded weekend again.. really bad night last night, feeling sad and lonely. Got through tge night with wine and rum to dull the pain!! Not good I know but I don’t do it often and it helped me sleep!!

I’ve got the tactic now of stalling responses to his messages or just completely ignoring them. He doesn’t like it and I’m not reacting to him and coming across as weak. I feel I am starting to get control back!

@mambot can you block his email address or put a filter on so it goes straight into your deleted folder? It’s an awful situation you’re in but you will get through it.. keep strong. Sending a hug

I dread the weekends too @Newtonml64 @Mambot Block & stall where you can and take charge. I feel just as bad now if not worse but it's not 3 months yet. We're all doing what we can xxx hugs and love

mambot he sounds like such a vindictive b*stard! Block his emails and tell him if he wants to communicate then to do it through solicitor. Can’t believe he sacked off his own son’s birthday to play inspector gadget (all the gear and no idea).

Please see if you can finish MA, it’ll make your life so much better and show him he’s not needed.

lizajane I know that pain all too well I’m afraid

newton sorry you’ve had a tough time but good that you’re starting to take control over when/if you respond.

Hope we can all have a better weekend

I just feel so worthless!! Like our time together meant nothing.

@LizaJane85 - Well you're not and he's being a cruel self-centred b***d! Xxx Don't look on FB & block him everywhere you can.

Thanks daybyday. It’s picturing them together, laughing and joking and being all lovey dovey. I hate it.
I try and remember why we split up and how badly he treated me but I sit feel like I’m drowning.

SO sorry lizajane as I said I’ve been there and there was a point (and occasionally still is) when I couldn’t not close my eyes without picturing her screwing the om but trust me it does get easier and you will start to realise you miss the fantasy of what you wanted the marriage to be rather than the reality it was

You are spot on @Wellyboots86 - it's the fantasy of what I wanted my marriage to be that I'm grieving for. Maybe that's shared by a lot of us on here?

Wellyboots- you habe hit the nail on the head... Living with a difficult and withdrawn husband for years, clinging to the hope we could go back to the happy early days and trying to do things together ( which he flatly refused to do latterly) at first when I discovered stbxh was taking up new hobbies and cow posting them on social media..I too was jealous. Then I remembered how cold and unkind he became and unfaithful. He's a one trick pony. He'll revert to type. Then she will have a grumpy pensioner to care whilst I shall be living my life free of a cold bitter human.( and living with Tom Hardy in Hollywood,obvs) But it did hurt for a good while before someone else pointed out the cycle ! And she was just one of his'new hobbies' over the years that he took up and discarded. I'm not even bitter about it..more philosophical and I care more about the Archers current storyline than my stbxh's soap opera. You do go through this jealous stage, imagining a hollywood shag fest, of epic proportions. Then you remember what they were really like, and remember why they are not good enough to be your'leading actor'... Hang on in there. Embrace the feelings and acknowledge why they hurt..then let them go. A wise MNer said " your feelings are real...but transitory..they will pass" and she was right.

Thanks everyone. I do feel a bit better now xx

Sorry to see some of us are having a rubbish time! I am one of those who misses the fantasy of what I thought my marriage was and the fantasy man I thought he was! It’s like in the blink of an eye the man I thought was my best friend and the man I married changed and has become a self centred, selfish, lying cheating scum bag who I don’t even recognise! I am now realising that I am better off on my own than being with someone like that!! It still hurts obviously but I just remind myself of the new man he has become and that soon brings me back down to earth

We are all going to have rubbish days/weeks/months but just remind yourself that they are only temporary and push through it! We will all come out stronger in the end!

Also remember these new relationships they are in now are in the “honeymoon” phase - no relationship stays in this phase and they will soon be hit with the reality that life and relationships are not what they have pictured in their head. The excitement and butterfly feelings soon fizzle out! Xxxx

Hi guys, hope your all well as can be.
DS birthday party today been so exited and dreading it at the same time as stbxh there, we have barely spoke these last few weeks since he confirmed new relationship. He's introduced her to all his family and friends and it hurts even tho I don't want him back. He is on social media all the time flaunting her (friends tell me) and before hardly ever posted.its like he needs to reasure everyone how good he his. It's so maddening cos she is 10 years younger with 2 kids and he his doing all the things i wanted him to do ,staying out if pub and having family time but with her kids.. He even took her a piece of Ds cake that I paid for petty I know but just a cheek on his part. 16 years n it's like I ment nothing !!

Just done my food shop for the week and got a bit excited as I’m planning on making my eldest a birthday cake and been thinking of ideas.

Never would’ve had that confidence before!

layniboggs the constant Facebook posts are just him projecting an image of perfection. It’s shallow and won’t last.

At least he showed up for the party, a lot of cheaters are too self absorbed to remember their own kids!

Hope we all got through the weekend

Morning All.. well we’ve made it through another week. How are you all feeling? I’ve had a bad weekend, nearly caving in and contacting him but I didn’t thank goodness! It’s funny how I used to take things for granted, like having him there to do the DIY stuff, just having him around to help out. I had to go DIY shopping on my own, which felt so lonely. It felt as if everywhere I looked there were happy families planning and getting ready for Christmas. Images of him and his b*h out Christmas shopping together, laughing and all loved up, I felt so jealous😢. I know it’s self torture but I can’t help it. I’m normally the “Christmas Fairy” , loving this time of year but that’s another thing he’s taken from me😥. I know I’ll get through it with the help of my kids and family but I’m dreading it. Sorry to sound so down but really felt sad this weekend. I hope this week gets better. Big hug to everyone 😊

I just feel like karma as gone on holiday at minute, stbxh is living the life of Riley and just found out he's won 500. Where as every thing going against me car broke now cooker. But I have house n my ds so I'm the luckiest person alive. Just wish his bubble would burst soon

It will laynibloggs. He will get his just desserts.

Know what you mean newton. Although stbxh hater Xmas and made sure everyone around him knew it. So being with my family this year will be a welcome change.

@Newtonml64 - Know what you mean i had a bad week & weekend my eldest DD is feeling it to - everything seems to need repairing here & exs is sat in a very nice rented flat. Every time I step out the door or just try to watch TV is couples everywhere & Christmas - which I use to love too. You're not on your own with this hugs and love

If I really stick to minimal contact, will it still have the same effect as no contact? I only have to see him twice a week for 30 seconds. Unless he texts about dd but I think he has got the message that I talk to his mum anyways. This is so hard!! I Just want to be over all this!!

It will seem like stbx is having a happier life than us all as they will only show the good parts of their life not the bad whereas we know when we are having a crap one.

Once the honeymoon period ends they will get a dose of reality but by then we’ll be used to being on our own and won’t need them!

It’s my eldest son’s birthday on Saturday and have a “family” day out with stbxw arranged which will either be horrendous or perfectly fine (seems to be no in between with us)

Lizajane I went zero contact and still do and it worked for me. My wife phoned my son yesterday and told him that she was now with this other man and they are seeing how it goes he said how do you mean now you were seeing him when you lived here that's why you left. All this after crying on the phone to my son last week saying she don't like it where she's living and needs to move .she left my home and moved into same house with him and others originally.Probably issued some sort of ultimatum .Makes her look silly because we all know what was going on but it's par for the course. I don't care anymore life is for living I believe.
Layniboggs sending you a virtual pin to burst his bubble enjoy x