Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

The behaviour is a guilty conscience I think - even if it is very very very deep down. We have to be the baddies so they can justify themselves to themselves. The whole package, the coldness etc - I think they do change.

@Wellyboots86 yep same about the OW she knew all about me and that we have a DS! And still they went ahead behind my back and he denied it and denied until I eventually caught them! And even now he denies he had an affair 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I hope it doesn’t last! Not because there’s any chance in hell I want him back but so He can get to feel a little bit of how he has made me feel! But part of me thinks what if it does last?? But trying to just take each day at a time and not think too much about the future!

@Daybyday2017 it makes sense as I can’t see how anyone can treat us the way they have with no guilty conscience at all! My Stbxh suppresses this very well though- he seems to be carrying on with his life like nothing has happened!

@sunflowers4 - I agree a day at a time. Well, it's goodnight from me everyone - I've had enough of today, start again tomorrow!

Rant away..those rage feeling are real...but they do pass.
My stbxh left with a good friend of both of us and left the family home to live with her the day he left. My children knew her already.
It IS hard..because you want your ex and the COW to understand and see the pain they caused because for a long time your ex and friends were your emotional support so should bloody well know the effect it has. The hardest thing is to hear the reply to " Dont you know how much this hurts me " is to hear " But I dont really care about that...I'm happy so I'm not really bothered" it took me a very long time to let that ache go. He no longer cared about me enough to care how much it hurt.. As long as he was Ok. When I then asked myself..Is a person so selfish worth wasting my breath on? The answer now is no. I deserve better, more respect and more love than that and you will too, in time.
Yes each moronic act will twist your gut..but each time it happens as you let go of the respect you had for that person and expect worse behaviour to follow ( and it does!). I refuse to give him the power in my life he walked out on...any you will find that place too eventually. Seven weeks is still in the angry zone...
I dont know how old your children are.Mine were old enough to decide if and when they wanted to see him and just him. 6 months as a general minimum before new partners should be introduced- they need time to grieve the loss of one parent departing before introducing a new adult into the mix. Too soon and children can resent the absent parent and new partner.
I heartily wish my children saw less of him and cow. Both have the morality of the sewer. I dont want my children being influenced by two adults who behave the way they have and seem to be rewarded with happiness..not a message I want them exposed to.
Just remember that your relationship as resident parent will be the richer, deeper and closer one. He has foregone that treasure by his actions.
And stop texting him! It is never a good idea. I sent a few red rage texts that just came back to bite me. Never send them.
Keep posting. We are listening x

So my stbxh has made his, what I thought was pretty casual relationship official on Facebook. Complete with lovey dovey photos of him with her and her kids! I’m not gonna lie, it hurts! 8 weeks to move on from an 8 year relationship. What a joke.

Block delete unfriend. It is slow torture.
Have a cull. Remove all mutual friends and family. Going looking on fb is looking for pain, like picking a scab..you cant heal. I really really didnt want to stop'checking' to see what they were doing- plenty here told me not to go looking- but I did and it just caused me more hurt . The day I could no longer see them..nor them me...it really did help.

Thank you fabulousdahlink- before today I hadn’t been on fb for a month or contacted him unless it was about dd for a 2 weeks. I don’t know what made me look. I like the scab theory.

@Fabulousdahlink it’s good to hear you are now in a good place 7 months on!! I am almost 3 months in now! And I have been coping ok, being civil (which is so hard) for the sake of my son! I actually feel a bit guilty for some of the texts I sent him I am not a horrible person but I wanted him to understand the pain and hurt he is causing!! I’ve not had the opportunity to rant and rave to his face as he just walks away and won’t listen! Because everything has been so civil I felt like he just thought everything was fine and I was accepting of the situation, but I’m not and I wanted him to no! Anyway it’s done now - no more texting! He’s not worth it! If I feel angry I’ll call a friend or rant on here!!

I am so sorry for you that he is with a family friend that must be so so hard!! They obviously have no morals!!

My DS is only 1 so I’m lucky in a way he’s so young he doesn’t understand! But the meeting of this woman in my eyes is just not acceptable! So we will see what happens with that one! Maybe one day it will have to happen (for the sake of my son and to make sure he is ok and has a good relationship with his dad I will have to accept it) but right now I just can’t think about that!

Anyway here’s to a more positive day! Feel like my emotions have been very up and down these past few days! Xx

LizaJane and Sunflowers 4... Have a good day. Enjoy the small things in your day, the sunshine, other peoples kindness and kiss your kids. Enjoy them. These are the big things actually in all this stuff. Keep posting !

Hope we have all got through the day okay

Not too bad daybyday just waiting for stbxw to show up and pick up the boys so I can go to work. Still zero contact since Sunday evening, you’d think she’d want to see how her kids were getting on!

How about you?

Hello everyone, just checking in. Hope you’re all doing alright today. I think I’ve definitely been in the depressed part of the change curve recently! The utter rage anger had sort of propelled me forward for a little while, helping me make plans and feel like I was in control. But the past week has been completely different. I’ve felt hopeless and physically, mentally and emotionally spent. I’m trying very hard not to sink. DDs birthday last week was tough going but I got through it without cracking up or causing a big scene (although part of me yearns to have a blazing row, we haven’t actually done that because stbxh refuses to talk about it).

Two things currently irritating me. First, he is acting as if suddenly it’s all fine. My first impulse in life is always to put on a brave face and just deal with whatever is thrown at me. I want him to realise the devastation he has caused.

Second, word has got out round his family now that we’ve ‘split up’. This phrase in itself makes me furious to hear. ‘We’ have done nothing. I take responsibility for my part of our relationship, but there was absolutely nothing mutual about this decision whatsoever.

It is getting easier and somehow harder as the days pass.

@Daybyday2017 had abit of a better day! Anger has subsided slightly! But still on my mind a lot!

@MoominCake SNAP my stbxh refuses to talk about it every time I try he just walks off and won’t listen to what I have to say! So I resorted To texting him everything I’m feeling yday as I wanted him to hear it and realise the hurt he has actually caused! Didn’t really get me any where and don’t think he is actually bothered by the hurt he has caused but I got it off my chest I suppose! I also no what you mean about putting a brave face on and him just getting on with his life like nothings happened! That’s why I was so angry yday!

Anyway try and keep yourself busy but also let yourself feel the different emotions! I have gone through a very wide range of emotions, calmness, hurt, anger, crying, etc just no that it’s only temporary and you won’t always feel like that! That’s what’s keeping me going at the minute! I’ve felt very angry since the weekend and it peaked yday (which resulted in me texting rightly or wrongly - I just felt like I had to) and is now subsiding! You aren’t alone we all hear you and completely understand what you are saying x x

@sunflowers you are not on your own and your anger and frustration is natural. Those same questions of his lack of caring and blatant show of selfishness have been brought to the forefront again over the past few days. Probably triggered by him messaging me!! As for the OW I feel exactly the same. In fact I’ve just had a conversation with my daughter about how I feel and that I would NEVER accept her but anyone else I could.. both my children say they would never have anything to do with her ever and at the moment refuse to answer any messages from their father. But that doesn’t seem to bother him and he carries on with his new life. I’m waiting for Karma to descend on both of them and hope they suffer the same pain and heartache we are suffering. Take care

@sunflowers4 - I agree we have to go with the flow & remember that this is one of THE worst experiences people can go through but we are all moving forward even though it doesn't feel it
@MoominCake - I'm the same - feeling worn down but doing what has to be done

@Newtonml64 - I'm waiting for Karma too

Also waiting for karma 🙋🏻🙋🏻

Thanks for the replies! Big hugs to everyone we will get through this and a year from now will be so much happier!! X x

Goodnight everyone - another day through this xx

Hope we all got through the day okay

Today’s been good, been kept busy with work and DS! Hope you have had a good day? X x

Been at work all day then picked the boys up from nursery. No message from stbxw about how they slept etc....
Got them bathed and to bed nice and easily tonight so just vegging in front of the tv for an hour or so before bed.

Goodnight everyone xx

Hope everyone had an okay day?

My stbxh has a girlfriend. It sucks.

I've had four days of hell. Ridiculous ex was apparently too ill to come and see his son for his birthday, I responded not to worry and wrote on a card for him from daddy, not 24 hrs later after he was too ill to move I've had an onslaught of financial pressure with him spending that sick day researching everything in entitled to benefits wise and demanding to know why I haven't applied for them (I have already told him why, because I'm not entitled). I was doing my MA, pt,between working, on track for distinction and had to give it up on Wednesday. Every time I get a spare day I think I can work on it, he seems one of his emails and I'm such a shaken mess I can't do any work and have to run around all day chasing up calls that he demands I make. I'm so gutted.

I can't express how fed up I am, I well up with tears in work and in the train. I don't know how someone can be so cruel. I'm a shell of the person I was, I've got no confidence left at all.

I too long for karma to bite him on the arse, but it won't. I'm so down. I have worked so hard for months now and I feel the same as I did when I wrote this first post months ago.

Why do they try and justify their behavior by monstrifying us. How do they sleep at night.

There's zero chance of me ever wanting this person back. He horrifies me. I have no good memories left either, it all just feels like a very hazy dream/memory with no emotion attached to it.

Every time I check my email my stomach drops. I am getting ill from the stress and feel just dread at the thought of him contacting me. I feel trapped in a bit of a nightmare tbh.