Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

Mil went to stbxw’s last week and she said that there was no mention of me and divorce etc. She also said she has no interest in new man and won’t discuss him with stbxw (I’d love to be there if she ever tries to introduce him to her parents).

I think mil wants to bury her head in the sand about om which I can understand as she has said before how ashamed she is of her!

It’s hard to think i won’t be a full part of my other family. My MIL has contacted me on a couple of occasions but each time it has been awkward. She says she doesn’t want to get involved but then asks me how I am. Im honest with her and tell her how I’m feeling and that I’m finding it hard but she doesn’t know what to say back! I know it’s hard for her too and I’ve told her I don’t want to lose touch with her and she’s always welcome at mine. But I hope she doesn’t accept the OW for a very very long time as that will truly upset me. As he’s living with his parents I don’t know what stories he’s filling their heads with but I hope they know me better than to listen to anything bad! Another part of my life that will change forever☹️.

I feel down today. I hate waking up on a Sunday alone and him not laid in bed at the side of me. I feel tired and sad but hope a brisk walk will clear my head. Big hugs to all

Sorry that everyone seems to be having a rubbish time at the moment! It’s the turn of the seasons that doesn’t help either

I know exactly what you mean about Sundays, Newton. It was the one day we all spent as a family, even though stbxh tended to sleep in until 2pm. I never got a lie in from the day our dd was born. Not that I mind because my little girl is so wonderful but once in a while it would’ve been nice for him to get up and let me have a rest. Especially as we both work full time.

It’s my weekend with dd this weekend and we have had lots of fun with her cousin. But I kept waking up last night imagining stbxh all cuddled up with another woman, laughing and generally being all lovey dovey. I know logically it couldn’t be further from the truth but I just couldn’t shake the image! I don’t even know for sure if he is seeing anyone! It’s mad!

I feel like mil will accept new guy sooner than I'd like as she tends to want to avoid conflict despite moaning behind stbxw's back. Maybe not this guy not sure...

newton and lizajane I know what you mean about waking up alone, it's still painful for me after a few months.

Hope everyone is as okay as they can be xx

Hi guys hope everyone is well
I'm starting to feel like me again I'm happy and starting to feel relief that my marriage has ended. I have since found out stbxh has cheated on more than 1 occasion from reliable source , found alot of debt letters that he's ignored. Plus me and ds hardly saw him cos was spending what money we had left at pub... Although the situation is sad and I miss who he was, I'm glad all has happened and I'm not weighed down by him anymore as i would have sacrificed my happiness and stayed married to keep family together. He really brought nothing to the marriage these last 5 years or so and he repulses me now which is good.

Morning all .. Monday again, the start of another week, leaving behind another week we’ve conquered! Had a bad night last night and didn’t get much sleep. He was in my head all night, with memories flooding my thoughts. But I can’t weaken as tired and low as I feel I need to keep my self worth and carry on. Here’s hoping today will be an OK day! Big hugs to all

Morning all

@Layniboggs123 I know what you mean about them dragging you down! As- if I hadn’t have found out what I had I would have been hoping for a reconciliation and would have tried to work it out for the sake of our son! But there is no chance of that now and it’s a relief that I am not in limbo! Miss the person he was but had a lucky escape from the person he has turned into! I’ll let the ow deal with that one

Here’s to a positive and better week ahead! Had a rubbish weekend but the only way is up!!!! Xxx

Same here - I'm feeling pretty bad today & struggling to be positive. Love to everyone xx

layniboggs glad you starting to find yourself again!

I’m gearing myself up to go into town later and see solicitor as well as going to the bank to certify id for house to go on the market.

Was at stbxw’s for about an hour last night and wasn’t tense for once, I have found that I’m starting to cast a critical eye over her and house now and noticing areas where I think she’s worse off/struggling more than me which is a bit of a confidence boost.

Hope it’s a decent week for everyone

Everyone seems a bit more positive!

Layniboggs- I think our situations are quite similar. My stbxh dragged me down. Everyone says in the 8 years we were together I’ve lost my spark. I do feel relief now it’s over.

I just wonder if he is thinking of me at all?! We have bare minimum contact regarding dd but we haven’t spoken about us for 2’weeks now. It makes things a bit easier and I find I don’t think about him as much but I do wonder what he is up to. That’s normal isn’t it?

Love to all you guys

Been a pretty good day today, got a lot of stuff done. Had a wobble mid afternoon after dropping paperwork off at solicitors (hate going there as everything it reminds me of my fractured reality) but ok again now

lizajane the wondering is normal, I tend to always assume they are screwing every second I know she’s not at work and I have the kids but obviously that’s not realistic.

I doubt they linger too much on thoughts of us and what they gave up as they are too self absordbed but it would be nice to think that every now and again they miss us....

Thanks wellyboot86 it feel good to be me again n not stbxh wife ! Well when I thought he couldn't get any lower he asked ds if he's ready to meet OW and her Ds and Dd he said yes but then when he's come home got upset at the thought. Is he for real only been together 2 months and told us just over a week ago but now want to all play happy family's. They are both living in a bubble and I can't wait for it to bust. He thinks I've influenced the decision n I'm bitter he's happy and I'm not, if only he knew the truth .

Hope we are all okay tonight

Not too bad daybyday I’m trying to avoid texting stbxw at all this week unless she texts first, I have had the boys since Sunday evening and so far no contact from her asking how they are.

How are you getting on?

I had a phone call from STBXH yesterday - first contact for a few months
Cross with myself cos I spoke to him politely. The last call before that he was drunk and horrible, and I promised myself I wouldn't speak to him again.

Even after 2 years I still find it unsettling to talk to him - much prefer it when he is out of the country, which is most of the time thank goodness
Hope everyone is ok

Seven weeks in I was all over the place too.
I am seven months on, and despite days where I am still bloody furious at the mess he put me in by "making himself happy". I can now see that he did me a favour. I dont need a dishonest, unkind and secretive partner who is terrible with money.
Listen to all of us who are just a few weeks, months or years ahead of you.
Keeping a journal helps. Mindfulness helps. Counselling helps.seeing a Solicitor definitely helps. You have many more emotions still to come..and I didnt think I had so much rage inside me so much I could not sleep. The unfairness of it all is a huge issue to process. Hang on in there. Dont give him, or those former friends headspace. Your family and real friends will absolutely understand exactly what he did- it is the cheaters behaviour pattern to leave then try to shift the guilt they feel by blaming others. Block email and social media too- it honestly is only torment to see what they are doing or saying. It hurts too much. Block and dont look. You cam't control that and so if you dont see or hear it it is one thing less to deal with. Hold your head up high and tell people honestly what he did...then change the subject. He will not want you talking about his dreadful behaviour to everyone ( yes this is completely unfair as he's already got his shots in...) Tell those who need to know in the family business the basic facts of what he has done..then carry on working. Ignore the gossip..it says more about those who gossip. Hold your head high.
Keep posting on here... Shout scream rage..let it all out. Without some very kind and excellent support here I wouldnt be in such a good place mentally.

@Fabulousdahlink is spot on about blocking social media - it doesn't help. Plus I didn't like the feeling that he was able to watch me

@Fabulousdahlink thanks for this I really needed to see this today! I am filled with rage today! I find I go through periods where I feel calm and then he will do something or I find something out and all that anger just a builds up inside again and I let rip!! Is this normal?? Does anyone else feel like this??

Today I have just txt and had a right go of how unfair it all is and how he is selfish etc etc (with a few swear words mixed in) - I just absolutely hate the person he has become and how he thinks it’s acceptable to treat me the way he has. I just really want him to suffer just a little bit of my suffering so he knows how it feels!! I hate the fact he gets to live his life as if nothings happened , left all of his responsibilities and goes about his day with this OW like everything is fine sorry for the rant feeling very angry as you can see

@sunflowers4 - I'm seeing a counselor & she has helped. We're all living in the reality of what our ex's have done with all the pain & and disrespect. Our ex's, well mine, is certainly in denial about the hurt he has caused. And yes I want him to feel some too

@Daybyday2017 thanks for responding I have been referred, so just waiting on an appointment! Some days/ weeks I feel calm and just think what’s happened has happened and just get on with it! Other times like this past few days I just feel so much anger towards him and I have text him everything i think of him sometimes I feel like I am being too nice and he doesn’t see the actual reality of what he has done so I have just let rip!! I think he is in denial too, either that or he doesn’t actually care and has a heart of stone!! There’s just so many lies that he has told I just cannot believe i was married to someone like that! Was I oblivious to his behaviour?? Or has he just changed??

Also for those with kids what are your feelings on them meeting the OW/OM? I have told him under no circumstances will my DS ever meet this OW and I feel so strongly about this! If he was to meet someone else and it got serious then I wouldn’t have an issue- but this particular person just no!!

sunflowers from what little she's told me, om has no interest in meeting the boys but if that were to change I wouldn't be happy and would insist I was there for the first meeting (which would also be the first time I met him!)

I know that eventually someone will be introduced to them whether it's by me meeting another woman down the line or stbxw, it might sound petty but I'm not that worried about that it's just this pos that I don't want to have any contact with my children!

@Wellyboots86 that’s exactly how I feel. I no he will be introduced to someone new down the line on both sides- which I am fine with. but this particular woman I will not allow it!! I feel like it sounds Petty too but I feel so strongly about it. I have made it very clear she will have nothing to do with him! I am just worried he will go behind my back and introduce her anyway! Don’t trust him at all any more so that could be a possibility.

I just feel like if they don’t want to meet the children what kind of relationship have they left us for?? As the children are a major part of their lives?? Again I just don’t understand it and I no I probably never will but their whole attitude and behaviour really confuses me. If I ever met anyone in the future I would make it quite clear that I come as a package (with my son) if they didn’t want that then they wouldn’t be right for me!! Sorry for the rant just having a very angry night!!

This guy knows she had a husband and children before they slept together. I honestly don't think she thought through what would happen long term and just got swept up in the "fun".

It won't last as a relationship I'm sure of that but how she reacts when she realises her new lifestyle has driven a rift between her and her family as well as the reality of being a single parent (albeit a part time one in her case) will be interesting to observe