Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

Just got the letter through from my solicitor for unreasonable behaviour. If ex will just sign it this can all move on. I feel like I'm dying - I know I'm doing what I can - that I'm only just over 2 months into this after being together 27 years - and that I can't avoid the pain. My daughters & son-in-law are being so strong. I just want to fast forward past all of this but I know I can't. Sorry for the rant

Sending love to you all guys ❤️

I just had a lovely conversation with MIL, she said I’m selfish if I take the children with me to live in my home town, and they expect me to raise my kids here? Are they for real?!

They are pussyfooting around their precious son yet giving me all the pressure ... I swear I’m from another planet! 😡

moomookachu you should tell them that you’ll move wherever you think is safest and best for your children and that they should look closer to home before judging others!

Had a bad night guys. Feel really low today.

Just feel like giving up right now

@moomookachu - thinking of you

@daybyday2017 my heart goes out to you. We are in very similar positions. My marriage has ended after 31 years as he needs to put his happiness first!! My DD and DS are as heartbroken as me but he seems to think they should accept his decision as they are adults!! How can they be so selfish as to not see how their children are hurting? They will always be our children never mind what age they are.

@moomookachu I’m so sorry your feeling down. Have you got plans today to keep yourself busy? It will take your mind off things.. sending a big hug

Stbxw barely said a word to me when I picked the boys up last night. Asked me if I’d sorted id for house sale yet but didn’t ask how the boys had been for the last few days. Felt really tense and awkward, she seemed like she couldn’t wait to leave.

Not sure what I’ve done to be so horrible to be around but oh well! Got her to sign something I needed her to do for a few weeks so that she progress I guess.

Feeling ok this morning despite how awful I felt yesterday, think her lack of emotion and also lack of interest in how the boys have been helped.

Hope this is a better day for us all

newtonml64, I don't know how they can't see how much this hurts adult children. It's now 2 years (pretty much to the day) since my xOH left. (I found out about his infidelity - physical and emotional affair, which had gone on for years)
DD and DS were and are hugely affected. And he can't see that at all. "They are adults, they should just get on with it" is what he said. DS hasn't spoken to him since he left - very limited email contact, but he hasn't responded to DS's last message. DD has a serious health condition, he doesn't get in touch to ask how she is.
Lord knows what he has told his mum and sister - his sister tried to call me and say that she was very disappointed that my children weren't supporting him. She only did that once
I think that he wanted a different life - and he didn't want to be the "bad guy" who left his family, so it suited him to see his parenting role as finished.

But this does hugely hurt young adult children, and they do still need parental support as they go through university/first jobs etc. I don't think XOH's can't see that, I think they don't want to see it.

Thank you @newtonml64 and reading @MotherofTerriers post it's all so similar. I end up thinking that it's me who's mad and then all your posts and replys remind me how stereotypical he is. We are all heartbroken here really and he's sending emails to my father-in-law about how to sell our home quickly so he can release the equity and get somewhere more permanent for his new life

I’m preparing myself for the next mountain to climb which will be the sale of the family Home. I have a feeling he has plans to set up Home with his bh in the New Year. He’s living with his parents, like a teenager at the moment!! whilst he wines and dines his bh, I’m left maintaining the house and getting DIY work finished that he started and has walked away from. But I’m coping and I will not ask him for any help and I don’t think he likes that. I’m being very in control (well on the outside) st the moment and when we do communicate I make sure it’s only about what needs to be discussed and not how I’m feeling and screaming about his b*h! I will no longer let him control how I live my life. Such a shame that our relationship has come to this

Good for you newton! Let him act like a child all he wants, that relationship won’t last. Make sure you take a bigger % of house sale if that work is costing you money to put right!

I had quite a productive chat with mortgage advisor today in order to start finding out what I can borrow/find a new house so feel a bit more in control today.

She’ll be here in about an hour to pick the boys up and I have a few things we need to discuss, not letting her whine on about work etc tonight, she can listen to me for once and get stuff sorted like an adult!

@newtonml64 - Snap we have being left with unfinished DIY too & the distress of selling our little family home. Good for you @Wellyboots86 & good advice about claiming for cost of finishing DIY.

Thanks for being so honest here. I'm really glad I found this thread....

Ive been in touch with a solicitor since May (and the CMS) but there are long queues at family court for resolving finances.. so its a waiting game. In the meantime he's pretending to sell the house but leaving it really untidy with stacks of boxes everywhere and refusing to accept offers so its now a waiting game!

In the meantime, I can absolutely understand and relate to whats being said here - its like dealing with a stranger... 20 years together and two very young children and he is angry, aggressive, confrontational and unpredictable. Its like he's punishing me for something, but he is the one who ended everything!

In the meantime, like so many others here, he has spread all sorts of nasty stories about me and so many joint friends are no longer friends of mine. Because I moved its almost impossible to combat those too!

Sorry for the rant, generally, I think I do ok and have been getting better 13 months on, but this week has been a particularly tough one. I feel like Im going through some kind of chinese water torture - constant drip drip on my head.

Not having a good day today! Been to a wedding that we was supposed to go to together and ended up coming home early! It felt like it wasn’t that long ago we were getting married and happy and in love!!we had the most amazing wedding! Fast forward a few years and here we are about to get divorced!!! How the elk has that happened! Got quite emotional at the first dance and made my excuses and left! Just couldn’t handle being there any more! Even though I am so happy for my friends! Just a shitty day hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Oh sunflowers can’t imagine how I’d of reacted but hope you have a better day tomorrow .

periwinkle sorry you're having difficultly with ex being deliberately awkward.

Came home today to a letter from solicitor to sign in order to get decree nisi issued, bit bittersweet, especially seeing stbxw’s handwriting writing yes in the box to did you commit the alleged adultery?

Thinking of you @Wellyboots86 I am dreading the day I put in for the divorce. I don’t feel ready yet and been advised not to file on the grounds of adultery but on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.. sod that, I need to do it for me so I will!!

@Wellyboots86 hope you are feeling ok? I need to look into getting mine sorted he has said he’s in no rush but I no longer wish to be his wife so want to get it sorted sooner rather than later! He won’t admit to adultery still denying it now even after being caught out!!!!

Had a rubbish day today! Left the wedding early yday! Still feeling very delicate over the whole situation!! There’s is going to be a first for everything so that’s the first wedding out the way, now for the first Christmas 🙈! I no this will pass but just got to let the tears roll to let the emotions out! Finding it hard to see him getting on with his life happily with this other woman (who he has known for a very short period of time) whilst not giving a crap how anything affects me or how I feel! How can someone you once loved and trusted treat you the way they do? Find it so hard to get my head around!!

Anyway hope everyone is doing ok tonight? Xxxx

@newtonml64 how come you have been advised not to file on the grounds of adultery? I am yet to see a solicitor xx

@sunflowers4 sorry to hear you’re still down. I have my first social event with couple friends in a couple of weeks. I’m already thinking of excuses not to go as I don’t think u can cope. I’m sure they’ll understand when I tell them.

The stbxh’s are all portraying all the same selfish acts. Mine had known the OW only a few months but yet he has given everything up for her!! Well good luck to them.

The reason for being advised against filing on the grounds of adultery or naming her is that he or she will have to admit to the dirty deed! If he/she contest it then it costs more time and money!! So I guess you have to weigh up what is the best option for you. If you file on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour you can state in your statement that he has had an extra-marital affair but she will not be named! So think about what’s best for you. Speak to a solicitor and they will advise you based on your situation!
Hope you’re feeling a bit

Sorry ... feeling a bit better tonight

sunflowers as newton said, if they won’t admit it then it costs extra to change the reason later, my solicitor sent stbxw a letter saying that if she’s didn’t sign adultery confession then we’d file for unreasonable behaviour which would mean releasing all the evidence I had for the court to see! Adultery is usually admitted to as “cleaner” and no evidence needs to be shown (pics, emails etc).

Also you don’t need to name the ow either way but if you do they get served the same papers which they have to sign and that just makes everything messier, I had a way of getting his name and address through a contact I have but was advised not to for that reason.

I was adamant adultery would be the reason as, years from now, I want the boys and everyone else to know it was her fault we broke up due to her and pos bf!

I’ve had a fairly calm evening and feeling not too bad at the moment. Barely thought about her all day which makes a change.

@newtonml64 I am actually glad I went last night despite the wobble I have had! They are really good friends and I am not letting him and what he has done and is doing stop me from doing things like that!

I need to go and get some advice really! He keeps denying adultery now so could only imagine he would deny it! But need to seek some legal advice! I keep putting it off but really need to sort it out as well as financial things!

These people all have the same traits I just can’t see how they can get on with their life guilt free. I could never ever do what they have done to anyone and carry on like nothing has happened! But just shows what kind of people they are!!

@Wellyboots86 it’s good that she has signed that then! At least you have got what you wanted in that respect!
Glad you are having a better night. A sign that you are getting stronger!! I’m still feeling rubbish just need a good sleep and I will wake up ready to face the world tomorrow!

I had a text from mil last night asking how I was and 5hanking me for putting stuff on facebook about the boys as apparently stbxw never does. Also said about coming to visit soon which is nice as one of the hardest things for me was the idea of losing her whole family because of what she did but so far it’s the opposite

@Wellyboots86 that’s nice of your MIL! She must be so embarrassed by her daughters behaviour! That was also one of the hardest things for me, the thought I am no longer a part of their family! But MIL has said that I will always have my place in their family regardless of what he or the OW think so that’s nice! OW currently is not welcome - will be interesting to see what happens in that respect