Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

sunflowers who invited you? If it was his family wanting you to come then he should’ve just put up with it instead of being a child! Was ow there too? Possibly some guilt on his part, not sure...

It’s usually on her days to have the boys that we do things together (I take holiday etc) and it’s probably 60/40 her suggesting I’d say. She’ll either ask outright if I want to go to X or she’ll say “oh it’d be nice to take the boys to...” and I offer to go. I think she’s secretly keen to still have that family feeling we used to have whilst also having her free and easy life with bf

@wellyboots - I am good friends with his mum and sister, they basically invited me to go! If i was willing to put up with it for an hour surely he should as well. OW definitely not there i have told him i want nothing to do with her and his family have said the same and i've also told him i do not want my DS to have anything to do with her either! I thought it was him feeling uncomfortable but- it was just so childish! And its something he is going to have to learn to put up with in the future. I don't actually think he has thought all of this through and the impact his actions and decisions will have on things!

Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds. But if you are comfortable and happy with doing things together and the kids are then i think its a good thing!

My stbxw had a problem with me sending her dad a retirement card and that I still see them sometimes, she’s actually said “they are my parents not yours” but her mum said “we still see you as a son and care if she doesn’t like it”!

Think they just assume that because they don't want to see us anymore that no-one else should, typical cheater mentality!

That should say don’t care

Sunflowers- it’s tough isn’t it? Stbxh has dd every other weekend and every Tuesday night, I hate every minute of it! I hope with time I’ll get used to it and enjoy the time to myself. I see my friends on the Tuesday so that’s quite nice. But the weekends are hideous!! All my friends are past the age of clubbing etc.

Wellyboots- it’s nice you can spend time as a family. I long for the day I think I’m strong enough to do that.

@lizajane - its really really tough! My STBXH has him through the week after child minder and spends time with him when his mum is minding him on 2 days (due to his job he can do this). So i tend to have the weekends with him as i work full time. Although he will tend to have him for a few hours on a Sunday also. I am dreading the time we have to share the weekends but the type of work he is in he will probably only get 1 weekend a month with him anyway! And if he has him when i am working through the week - work takes my mind off it.

I just hate the fact that he has made this decision and has put us in this position that we have to share him! All i wanted was a family unit and he has decided to split that up. That's what i am struggling with the most (not the fact i am no longer married). But i am hoping in time i will get used to these arrangements. Suppose i've got no choice but to accept it anyway! xxx

sunflowers I know what you mean about missing the family unit. That’s all I’ve ever wanted and never ever foresaw being a single parent as thought she wanted the same as it’s one of the main things we’ve talked about since we were teens!

Guess reality didn't match the hype for her?

Hi Everyone

I haven’t posted for a while. I still get lots of comfort though from hearing from other people in the same situation. Sending love to all.

I thought I was getting stronger and then I just fell back this weekend. I was warned this would happen but didn’t expect it so just sharing in case anyone experiences it too. Def felt like I was back in week one or two. I was crying again and just missing my family unit. Ex had the little DD (the bigger one will have nothing to do with him). When DD2 isn’t here I feel it worse.

I think I was dreading Halloween as Ex always made it loads of fun. We (me and DD1 and DD2) still had fun though so I think that has made me feel better again. Just another big event over for the first time.

I do still miss him and I let myself feel it. I want to be more angry as it’s easier if I am angry but I guess I still love him.

I just wanted to say “I hear you” to everyone missing the family unit. That’s the real pain for me too.

Feeling really crappy now, I’m about to do boy’s tea then bath time. Can’t stop think8ng about the fact that in 2 hours she’ll be at the comedy gig I paid for with bf and that they are probably getting ready to have a meal out together right now!

Hate how in my head she still gets and that I still have so much of a need for time to reverse and this all be a bad dream. She’s not texted or contacted me in any way to ask about boys since I picked them up at 8am yesterday which is always a sign to me they are together.

Sending everyone love

I just miss a cuddle at the end of the day! The night before stbxh left he still cuddled me! I’m finding that hard to get used to.

Yeah missing the family unit is the biggest thing that’s affected me so it’s nice to hear other people feel the same way! When I go on social media and see people upload little family pics I do feel sad that, that’s no longer my life!

@Wellyboots86 my STBXH was the same he was so family orientated and always wanted kids! But I just think it hasn’t lived up to what he expected it to be so has jumped ship. It’s sad really as I always thought we were a team and could handle anything thrown at us! But when things got really tough and we needed him the most he left and for that I can never forgive him!

Try and keep your mind occupied! Make the most of having the kids with you! Have fun! Watch a film, anything to distract you! Hope you are doing ok big hugs xxxx

sunflowers what saddens me about the family stuff is that we had such grand plans for when the boys are older (tour America etc) that I can still do without her but won’t feel the same. I think if the boys were born as 6-7 year olds she’d have been fine as she doesn’t seem to cope with young kids!

We went through so much together - her rape trauma from a year before we got together, my parents divorce, uni, first house, kids, her nearly dying in childbirth, ds2 nearly dying in childbirth and ending up in intensive care, both of us having depressive episodes due to work stress. Just so much terrible stuff that we got through together and then she does this?

@Wellyboots86 I can relate to the whole wealth of experiences and then just feeling like you have been dropped by a hat.

Feeling low and worthless tonight. I’m getting those pains in my chest again, I just want to drop these bad feelings like I have been dropped and move back home and move on with my life, is that so much to ask... ugh!!!!

Love to everyone xx

moomookachu I feel just the same as you tonight, sorry.

Hurts that I’m sat here putting a brave face on for the boys and she’s 7 miles away laughing at a comedian with her bf

Can’t take the edge off with a drink as have the kids plus I get really bad dreams/hallucinations due to my antidepressants if I do! Can’t even have a good cry when they are asleep to let it out as the damn pills have made it impossible to do that either!

It’s a real fml kind of day . Hope you manage to have a good night

@Wellyboots86 we where the same! Making plans! We have been together a similar amount of time you have so we have also been through so much together! But this year has been the worst year ever for a variety of reasons I won’t go into whilst on top of that having a first baby who wasn’t sleeping! I don’t think any major decisions should be made when you are in situations like ours but they have decided to do this so it’s them that have to live with it!!

You will both get through tonight! You are just having a big dip! You have got through times like this before so you can do it again! Just try to ride it out watch tv, bake, cook anything you enjoy doing! It will get better you just have to power through for the sake of the kids! We are all stronger than we realise xx

@Wellyboots86 and everyone thinking of you - know what you mean about the chest pain & feeling worthless but we are not!

“When life knocks you down and trampled on your feelings, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and kick life’s butt”

Seen this quote today and thought i would share x x

Hi everyone hope your all ok ! Tonight has been tough stbxh messaged me to say a close friend son has passed away at 18 we've watched him grow up and I am gutted. He couldn't wait to get off phone leaving me so upset how can someone's feelings just switch off and become so cold ? Just shows life is short so tomorrow is a new day and I'm gonna try smile as much as I can xx sending hugs to you all xx

Goodnight everyone xxx

I’ve had a low couple of days. I feel so lonely, I miss his cuddles, I miss him being there to talk to, i miss him coming home and us sitting down to eat together but most of all I miss the future that we will no longer have together. My kids are grown up and although my DS lives at home he’s often out, so I fill my days so I’m not in the house alone as that’s the worst time! I can’t concentrate at work as I keep drifting off, looking at pictures of happier times. I know I need to stop and I will but it’s hard.

I dont think I will ever accept what he has done to me and our family but with time I will learn to live with it. What else can you do? It gives me comfort to know I’m not on my own, what I’m experiencing is normal and you are all here to listen. Here’s hoping for a better day.

Well I survived (and it very much feels like survived) last night. Put kids to bed early and had an early night myself, that backfired as youngest woke at 3:30 as couldn’t find dummy and from that point on my mind did backflips and every conceivable cheesy porn scenario for how they’d turn last nights date into a sexfest ran through my head.

As a result I am shattered and in 20 mins need to have the boys awake, dressed and in the car to nursery so I can start a 10hour shift

Here's hoping we all have a good day

Hope everyone is feeling better after having a tough day/ night yesterday?

@newtonl64 - you are definately not alone. As you can see from here many of us are in the same position. Hope you are ok! Its all so rubbish that we have no choice but to acceot their decisions even though its not what we wanted, but we will learn to live with them and find our own happiness - Big Hugs xxxx

So I have my first major event this weekend that i am going to alone :( . Its a close (mutual) friends wedding we were both going to together - but since all of this has happened they uninvited him (which i feel bad over, even though it had nothing to do with me i didn't ask them to do that). Anyway i am sort of dreading it as everyone is going to be coupled up and its the first time i'll have gone to something like this since its happened. I'll be seeing other mutual friends and people we both no that I've not seen yet and I am dreading the questions or the whispering or the people who don't no yet that ask where he is :(. Hopefully it will go better than expected but feeling very nervous about the whole thing!!

sunflowers I'm sure you'll be ok, you'll probably find the whole thing a welcome distraction tbh.

I'm still having a crap one. Just can't shake the cloak of misery off despite giving myself a stern talking to earlier! I have to see her tonight to pick up the boys as she's getting them from nursery and it's eating me up that I've heard nothing in over 2 and a half days from her. I know I shouldn't care and it's her choosing not to ask after her own children as she's with her bf but it still really hurts and I hate that I miss that contact.

I got in touch with her sister yesterday as haven't spoken to her in a while and she invited me and the boys over whenever we want which was nice (she lives in Devon so quite a long way from me)