Does it get better?

[Mambot]

Is been seven weeks since my partner walked out on me and our nearly two year old son in the most horrible way. He blames me for everything, has turned mutual friends and his family against me and is all full of himself arguing 'its time to concentrate on me'.

I don't really get any sleep, am working full time to try and get some money together and my poor mum is looking after my son while I'm there and is also exhausted.

I have nightmares every night about whatever trollop he has gone off with and him smugly telling me why she's better, I have huge amounts of anxiety and chest pain and am finding it very difficult to 'forgive and move on' as all the literature tells me to do. I spend a lot of time hoping he will suffer for the pain he caused all of us.

Please tell me it gets easier. Some days are so hard and I'm crying in work while writing this.

Thank you for the kind messages of support, it’s so appreciated. I’m so sorry to hear about the hard times people have been having. I’ve accepted my stbxh (yes! I finally wrote it!) is not coming home. And you know what? Somehow that realisation is liberating and has put me back in control of my own life again. I’ve felt, and continue to feel, a huge range of emotions, but am starting to fill my life up with friends, play dates with my daughter, doing more exercise, seeing more of my extended family and just generally all the stuff which I never did before for me, because life centred around him. I have lined up job interviews and am feeling so much stronger. I didn’t cry today. I hope I can continue to build on this.

Moomincake stay strong and your inner strength will continue to build. You will have knock backs but each day that goes by is another day closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Like you Im starting to do things for me and I'm enjoying it. Don't let the Bs get us down we are worth so much more!

Well that was a hard night. Saw every hour feel sick to stomach! Hope things pick up soon

Layniboggs123 sorry to hear you’ve had a bad night. The lonely sleepless nights are hard, which is not helped with your mind working overtime and reliving the nightmare! Hopefully when the sun rises and daylight is here you’ll feel a little strength to get through the day. My nighttime ritual is to have a herbal sleep tight tea, two Nytol and I moisturise with “sleepy” body lotion from Lush. It helps sometimes. I don’t sleep through but get a few hours. I didn't want to take sleeping tablets and I’ve now stopped taking my anti-depressants so opted for herbal remedies. It may or may not help you but worth sharing.

Newtonml64 thanks I'll try tgat tonight ☺

I’m almost 6 weeks post break up and don’t feel like I am getting anywhere. Stbxh and I have a dd together so I have to see him briefly at pick ups. It’s so difficult, we want to be friends eventually but for no it’s almost business-like at handovers. At the moment he goes through his mum for daily updates in dd.
I have good days and bad. Our relationship wasn’t great, he was out with mates all the time and hardly did anything to help with dd without objection or moaning. And the arguments were frequent.
On good days I look forward to my new future with dd, we are at my sisters at the moment but will have our own place soon. I fill the days when dd is at his with family and friends time and find that I enjoy myself.
But it’s our first wedding anniversary this weekend- we were together 8 years in total- and I’m having a tough time dealing with that.
I just don’t want to feel this way forever! Even though I miss him like mad and know our split is for the best, it just hurts so much. I wanna be me again! The me I was before I met him. Everyone said he has dragged me down and dulled my spark. Should I be feeling a huge improvement in my emotions and mood by now? I just don’t know cos this is my first major break up.

lizajane I went 5hrough a huge downer following what would’ve been our 4th wedding anniversary and then our 16th anniversary as a couple a few months ago. Might not seem like it now but it will gradually get easier. You’ll still have crappy days but you’ll find that you recover from them quicker.

Unfortunately the business like handovers will probably continue for a while as there is still the elephant in the room of your recently ended relationship

Also I read somewhere that average “recovery” is a month for every year together, hope not but shows that emotion can be complicated when moving on even when you know it’s for the best

Hi LizaJane85 6 weeks is still pretty fresh I'm just 3 months in and was starting to feel so much better however the ow as now surfaced as the reason to our split so it's set me back big time,but I'm sure again I'll be back to where I was. This is my first ever breakup and stbxh ended things on our 10 year wedding annerversary! It's helping me the way he's behaving cos he's showing he only cares for himself and no thought to mine or my son's feelings. We hoped to be friends to but now I can't see it all the lies and decite I don't think I want to be friends with someone like that. I'll be civil for sake of son but that's it now been too nice and got me nowhere xx

Thanks for you replies and I’m sorry to see people are going through the same thing! I just find juggling home, dd and work so tough at the moment! It’s my day off with dd today so I’ve been to the park with her and town and I feel a bit brighter just for pushing myself to go out.

lizajane I know what you mean about it being tough to juggle things. I'm off Friday-Sunday this week. Taking boys on a Harry Potter themed steam train on Friday then no plans Saturday and get boys back Sunday. She wants me to waste my Saturday sorting ID out for house sale, err no that'll happen when I have a reason to go up town, not travelling 10 miles just for that!

Sorry to see everyone is feeling abit rubbish! I too am finding it all tough! I was doing really well then I keep finding out things he has lied about and it’s sent me back into a hole again! I no I will feel better again but it’s just hard trying to ride this out! Hope we all start feeling better soon! It’s such a hard situation to be in but we will all come out the other side smiling soon enough xxxx

Well son doesn't want to see his dad now. I knew it would happen because he has no regards for his feelings and he is not his main priority, he's nearly 8 so he's not daft and stbxh treats him like he's not a child. I just don't know what to do I want him to have a relationship with him despite how I feel towards him but then forcing him to go when he doesn't want to. I know stbxh will think I've said stuff to him or about him but the reality is that he's chose the pub over son (dropping him off after 2 hr so can have a pint cos son don't wanna sit in a pub ??) and blurted out about his ow to him . There is repercussions to his actions and don't wanna come off like the bitter ex but hate the fact my son don't wanna go.

What a tough week we all seem to be having. I’m finding things out that I honestly would never thought he would be capable of but then again did I really know him at all? I thought my tears had dried up but this week has seen them flow again. He’s being pleasant at the moment but I think it’s because he is feeling smug and I don’t trust him at all. I am staying calm and thinking how I can best handle this current revelation but I know I won’t resort to his level and will rise above it! @Layniboggs123 my kids are refusing to have anything to do with him but they are a lot older and can make their own decisions. It must be hard for you and your poor son. If only they could wake up to see the hurt and devastation they have caused to their kids, it makes me so angry. I hope you find an answer that helps you and your son through, keep strong.

layniboggs don’t feel bad, it was stbxh’s choice to prioritise the pub and ow over his own son so if he now doesn’t want to see him then that’s his fault!

Equally is that the kind of man you want as a role model? No!

layniboggs don’t feel bad, it was stbxh’s choice to prioritise the pub and ow over his own son so if he now doesn’t want to see him then that’s his fault!

Equally is that the kind of man you want as a role model? No!

I’ve just found out that stbxh has been chatting to a girl almost 10 years younger. It’s barely been 6 weeks! Mixed emotions now, of hurt, anger, confusion but most of all disappointment. Did 8 years together mean nothing at all?!

@newtonml64 i know exactly what you mean. I can't believe he could ever do this to me and his son, its absolutely disgusting what he has done and what all of these people have done to us all. I am also starting to think - how could i have been so stupid to marry such a man and plan a baby with him. Am i really that much of a bad judge of character?

Lizajane what I've learnt from all this is that the ones that left are only interested in their own gratification and they convince themselves the reasons they left are justified. My wife said to my son last night I just want to be home and there for you and dad and my son said you are home where you bolted too and this is mine and dads home now. Has she realised she loved me all along and it was a huge mistake don't make me laugh. Her new exciting life is not all that i suspect thats whats actually going on. So as I say don't spare your emotions on someone not worth it

@Viking64- Completely agree - they are unbelievably selfish - but that is what i am finding soooo hard and really really frustrating! How they go about their daily lives acting like nothing has happened and convincing themselves of their lies is beyond me!! Do you not feel the same way or are you over that now?

I totally agree with that sunflowers. For me looking at his life now- it’s like nothing has happened! It’s like dumping me and our dd is the best thing he ever did. I’m sure I’ll thank him one day. Hopefully soon. Right now I just feel so sad about it all. And worthless.

sunflowers and lizajane that’s exactly how’s I feel every time I see my stbxw. She seems to have zero remorse for ending things the way she did and doesn’t seem to be having any regrets which really hurts.

At the same time she’s not mentioned the divorce at all, only house sale which I’m surprised by as you’d think she’d want to cut ties ASAP

We are better than these people everyone. We will rise above it all and I guarantee one day soon they will realise the grass isn’t greener. But we will have moved in and be too fabulous to care!!

Moved on, not moved in! Gosh, auto correct really took the wind out of my sails there!

Hiya everyone, I'm keeping up and reading everything to try and feel like I can get through the day. Viking, I'm so sorry about your mum.

I do wonder if there are bad weeks we all have simultaneously as we all seem to be having one. Sunflowers, Lizajane and wellyboots it's like you're reading my thoughts it's exactly what I was upset about today is the lack of remorse.

I feel like I can't say too much on here anymore as I worry about my exs harassing emails and spying in even afraid he'll recognize me on here so I don't say much.

I am struggling with feelings of utter worthlessness in terms of my ability to make relationships. I have no fears about any other aspect of life except this.

I just seethe at the injustice of it all, I know far worse things happen in the world but I just feel so bitter at the lack of karma to be honest. I feel like the universe is punishing me and not him. He lies and gets away with it.

I feel sad that I wrote my first post on here 7 weeks after he left and was distraught and I'm still suffering after more than double that amount of weeks has gone by.

I don't dismiss good developments though. I no longer feel the need to defend myself in response to his emails and I realized the other day that I'd gone 3 full days without checking for one of his mails! I am also better able to see now how narcissistic he is rather than constantly blaming myself so there is progress. But with any admission of him as being at all at fault for this comes anger that he doesn't get what he deserves you know? It's almost easier to blame myself because at least then I can understand /control what I do so that it doesn't happen again.

Does anyone else struggle with feeling that they will never ever trust another human being to enter into a relationship with ahem? I cannot believe how cold and selfish this person, who I would have bet my life on staying, could be.