Hello everyone, can I join in? I spend hours of my life discussing my divorce with friends and family and, whilst they are incredibly supportive, I feel I'm putting too much on them and would be nice to talk with people who know exactly how I'm feeling.
I'll try and keep the backstory brief: Ex left at Christmas, I'd discovered he was having an affair in November and tried to cling on to what was left of our marriage but after 6 weeks he decided he was leaving. We have 4 DCs, 21, 17, 9 and 7.
Ex lives in a rented house. I'm still in marital home. We don't have a mortgage but he took out a loan against his business to pay towards the house but there is still around 70% equity in the house.
I started divorce proceedings in March, he was incredibly difficult right from the off. Ignored the divorce papers claiming he needed to sort a solicitor out yet failed to do so for ages. He delays responding to everything and even then doesn't ever answer what has been asked of him, just poses a new, unrelated, question of his own. I have spent over £3000 so far and apart from having got the decree Nisi, I am no further forward.
The main issue is that he runs his own business. A Ltd company with a high turnover and considerable profits. However, despite both of us completing a voluntary Form E, he hasn't provided full disclosure - no bank statements, tax returns or management accounts. His last set of accounts are dated May 2016 so I have no current picture of the state of his finances. His biggest gripe is that I won't allow him to take out a mortgage on the house to clear the business loan. My solicitor has said it would be insane to allow this as it will reduce the equity in the house and as the business loan is not in my name, it has nothing to do with me and therefore I need to protect my main interest which is the house.
Anyway, long story short, he has initiated court proceedings whilst at the same time maintaining he doesn't want it to go to court 
He wants to go to mediation but is refusing to provide full disclosure of his finances unless it is court ordered. I can only assume this is to scare me into agreeing to mediation yet how can I possibly negotiate a settlement without any idea of his finances?
When he left, he agreed to continue paying a couple of bills plus maintenance for me and the children. I should add that I don't work as have always been a SAHM, he paid me a wage from the business for tax purposes. I am starting a new job next month but will be earning minimum wage which is miles off what he earns (he earns at least 8x that). This week, he has stopped paying those bills and all maintenance as he claims he cannot afford to any more. His solicitor seems to think this is acceptable. I have now lost £1000/month.
He has the children overnight 3/14 and has an excellent relationship with them, I have no issses there. But he is breaking me. My legal bill for the past month came in on Thursday and is £855. I just cannot continue to sustain this level of expense. I have had to shelve all plans for days out during the holidays and the remainder of what little I have saved up will be spent on this solicitors bill and the expenses of new uniforms and bus pass for the children. My solicitor, based on the information that ex has initiated court proceedings, has estimated my total costs to be £21,000 with extra for counsel fees if it goes to a 3rd court hearing.
I cannot bear to even look at him, let alone speak to him. He is living the life of Riley whilst I don't know how to make ends meet. We were together over 20yrs and he has ripped my family apart.
I'm sorry this is so long!