Further support for those starting the divorce process

[NotJanine]

New thread so we can carry on supporting each other

Yes, I would say it is the date of the decree nisi.

Congratulations on getting to this stage!

Thank you! It's such a relief. Nisi being rejected 3/4 times due to errors is made on the applications.
Cannot wait to get my absolute and put this ordeal behind me!

Hi, I've posted a couple of times before. I'm feeling stressed.

I've agreed our finances with my husband. He will buy me out of the property. We have no other assets. We'll both keep our pensions. I'm going to submit the divorce petition and will use a solicitor to write a clean break financial order.

My husband wants to sign a financial agreement before the formal divorce process starts. Is this normal? I'm not even sure how it works.

I've just been talking to him for
About 20 mins. He's been demanding to know why I won't do that but it's because I thought that was signed after the divorce started

Mother, does your H want to divorce at a later stage?

Do not be rushed with an agreement, it might suggest he thinks he has a good deal and wants it signed asap.Have you had legal advice?

Financial claims can remain open if divorce not complete so it's more of a separation agreement.

Thank you for the reply. He wants to get divorced quickly. I've had legal advice. My solicitor said he'd draft the financial agreement once the divorce paperwork has been submitted. So I was confused about why my husband is saying his solicitor will write it now and we'll both sign it before I submit the form.

Are there normal two agreements one from each solicitor? Sorry I should have asked my solicitor this but I never thought about it at the time.

This is jangling alarm bells. Ask your solicitor to look at any proposed agreement before you sign anything!!

motheroreily I don't think that a judge will sign off on a financial consent order until you have a decree nisi - check with your solicitor but I'm pretty sure that's correct.

Thank you for the replies. I called an advice line which we get through my work. They said the same thing. The consent order isn't legally binding until signed off at later stage of divorce.

My husband is insisting this document is legally binding and we don't need a consent order .

he won't listen to me so have can have it sent to my solicitor.

He's pressuring you for his own benefit, no doubt. Might have something to do a promotion at work or something... Keep strong!!

Mother - yes, you can't do the finance bit until after the nisi (and should be before the absolute). However you can get an agreement for while you are separated I believe - though I didn't bother. It can help if you want to claim benefits while living together and separated.

Hi all. I've filled in the D8. So now I send 3 copies to the courts? And a cheque for £550? Is that it?

Background
I am DIY divorce, 2DC 50/50cc/ buying my house and giving him a financial settlement - we have nothing to argue about (childcare/assets).

Advice welcome

Sorry can't help IronNeonClasp, this whole process is starting for me and very confusing! Hopefully someone else will come along to answer your query.

Is it usual to become suspicious of everything your STBX says and does before a divorce?! I am becoming paranoid with every little thing!

Hello Iron and welcome...I'm not an expert on DIY divorce I'd be too scared but if the D8 is the form with the petition then yes and 550 seems right for the court fee.If judge deems reasons good enough and there are no technical errors then date for Nisi stage will be notified. Then you have to do financial agreement, then apply for Absolute.
My Nisi is today! Am not happy since I didn't want it , but my mother is

Hi really hope I can join thread although not sure if anyone has been through what I am at the moment. Basically was with ex 20 years 2 dcs he became very violent then left for ow who was pregnant. The divorce has dragged on over 3 years has cost 10s of thousands in legal fees and he has just refused all negotiations and financial hearing he walked out. So now I have the trial coming up where I have to testify and tell about the violence etc and my financial needs etc and will be cross examined. I am so scared and feel sick at thought of it. I have no support and panicking as will need childcare as it's in the hols and if my one good friend has the kids she can't come with me. Has anyone been through this who can advise

Hi Yummy. Have you contacted women's aid maybe they can offer support in Court?
Sorry to hear what you've been through stay strong, you must be to have got this far. You will make it and your kids will be safe

yummy, did you report the violence to the police? My STBXH is on bail at the moment for threatening & abusive behaviour and assault. I'm not near the court process yet but was referred to women's aid. They have been fabulous -someone to hold your hand, a shoulder to cry on and someone who has made me realise what I've put up with. You can phone women's aid yourself and I recommend you do that. There is also victims support who you can phone and they will take you through the court process which doesn't seem to be as scary as I thought and nothing like what you see on TV. There is help out there, you need to look for it and you need to use it. Victims support is also online (I'm in Scotland so no point me giving you the link).

Hi thanks so much for your replies. I was in touch with women's aid when violence was happening but I thought now I am out of relationship I wouldn't be eligible for support? Will look into it then and also victim support didn't know about them. It's so scary and I just hope I am able to get something fair for the kids as although he has brought another house with ow he "doesn't see why I need all of our house and he needs half and he doesn't feel he needs to pay maintenance" he is on a very high salary but just so difficult controlling bullying and abusive even now. Just exhausted with it all feel like no strength left for the final battle

Hi

Just had a phone call from STBXH. He's finally received a letter from the bailiffs asking him to get in touch to sign the initial divorce papers.

He still doesn't want to divorce and keeps asking me why I want to. He's asked me to think it over for another few days but he moved out last August and I haven't wanted to be married for years.

I don't know what else to do. What happens if he doesn't sign the papers? Does anyone know?

Part of me just wants to give up. My family don't want me to divorce and neither does he. I'm so tired of fighting all the time

Yummy and Bobbins sorry you've been left hanging, I posted yesterday but not sure what happened. In the end Bobbins you can get a divorce, if only after 2 years...he can't resist for ever. Are you doing unreasonable behaviour? Was this an arranged marriage? If you don't want to be married to him you don't have to be. I'm sorry he's not seeing sense but I bet the real reasons are financial. Stick to your guns, he will have to comply in the end

yummy have I understood that right - he's already bought a house with OW?! If so, I'd say that goes in your favour in a settlement as he already has obtained adequate housing (I assume there's space for kids to stay) and your need for similar adequate housing for the kids will be the court's primary concern.

I'm getting fed up. Stbxh was supposed to tell his solicitor that he's agreed to pay the £100 he was arguing over and then mine will draw up the order. He's said his solicitor is fed up of waiting for mine (we're waiting for you ffs) so has drawn an order up. When I said mine is waiting for them so is the agreement going to be correct, stbxh said "well maybe we can split the difference" so I'm expecting it to be a load of crap and back to the drawing board. He's going to end up spending far more on solicitor fees than the £100 he was bloody arguing over.

Hello everybody.
I am just starting the divorce process. Telling STBX tonight that it has to be.
23 years down the drain.
I am very clear on my reasons why but nervous about his reaction. (Meeting in a public place.)
Deeply concerned about our 15 year old daughter and also my grown up DC. They all know we have separated but not why.
I am really worried about how to pay for it.

Hiya Roller welcome if that's the right word,how did it go yesterday, hope you're OK? Am going out in an hour will check back later xx

Hello Properjob,
For somebody who came to meet me with a view to reconciliation he was awfully quick to switch to expressing his knowledge of the law and his rights...

Been on to the solicitor today and having a quick Mumsnet break from the piles of paperwork. Thought I had my ducks sorta organised but apparently not hardly. I feel daunted by the mountain climb ahead. Sigh.

Hi. I have just started on this journey too. Together 20 years. Married 15. Two children - 13yrs and 10yrs. He instigated it after I found a message from a "good friend" (does he think I'm stupid!!) and asked him about it. Apparently hasn't loved me for years, stayed for the children...blah blah blah

He has moved out already so I am in the family home with the boys. He presented me with a separation agreement that he had drawn up which said the house was to be sold with a 50/50 split, he keeps all his pension and redundancy pay from last year.

I of course refused to sign anything and fobbed him off until I had seen my solicitor. I am now divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour as she feels this will give me a better financial stability as he is crap with money. He of course is rather angry that I am not doing as I am told and not signed the agreement and want Form E completed. Apparently I am out to ruin him and rip him off....

Opps....have I managed to kill the thread