Further support for those starting the divorce process

[NotJanine]

New thread so we can carry on supporting each other

Quick post for now as I'm just about to attack my kitchen walls with a sander.

Sunny - you can claim child benefit and should be able to get tax credits as these don't look at how much you have in savings. Check if you can and Get your claim in now. They will backdate Payments for a short period.

On a more positive note, it is pretty good to be spending the weekend how I want to. We always used to spend Monday with his bitch of a mother, I am definitely not going to miss that!

Tapir, I spent today mostly by myself and really enjoy it.Just some gardening and catching up on sleep as woke very earlier due to thunderstorms.As you know I'm heading to court as ex being completely unreasonable.I'm accepting of it but know it will get stressful.Sometimes court has to happen (or at least the deadline of court) to get a fair settlement.

NotJanine, I read your first sentence as "going to attack my ex"..odd how my mind works towards the exs
Good luck hope it went well.

Do you ever get used to your STBX being so cold? STBX just picked up DD for lunch, she's nearly 17, he parks on the drive and she goes out. He doesn't even look back. (didn't help I noticed he was wearing a new top, one I'd never seen before, silly little thing like that bothered me.)
When does it get easier?

I don't even see him when he picks the DC up. He waits in the car outside and texts them to say he's here. He knows he wouldn't be welcome to come any closer to my house. So I'm probably seen as cold, but understandably so.

Hermonie - I wouldn't waste my energy

That's what my STBX does! He texts DD. He won't come in as he doesn't want to upset the dog. Even though the dog isn't blind and can recognise his car..... We haven't actually spoken for a couple of months now. Just texts/emails. This was a man who at the beginning said talking was the key. Yeah right.

Would you rather see him and talk to him?

tbh I'm not bothered about seeing him. I am pissed about the situation but I think communication would be a better idea than text and emails where you have no idea of the tone. Even communicating about the kids would work. That way we actually work things out rather than spend a week going back and forth by email! And also putting the kids in the middle of it. But I am guilty of that (asking DD to ask him about the Uni visit for example. Although it is for her not me, I should still have done it).

When I don't see him (even in the car outside!) for a while and he appears I get upset. Maybe if I spoke to him more it would start to pass, the 'every time I saw him and got upset' feeling.
That probably doesn't even make sense!

Oh It'sover, you must have loved him very much, that is a good type of person to be! Don't be despondent, you will recover.
Good to catch up with all of you, you are a very dynamic lot! I'm away staying with a friend helping with her garden opening. Hope you all have some good times this weekend hugs to all. Thanks for the comments Hermione, but I'm nowhere near the bottom yet

Properjob - that's just it, I'm not sure I did! Weird huh?

Enjoy the holiday weekend everyone.

Itsover, I think it's the detachment that is hard to process.
When stbxh first left and I saw him I felt so sad that I wasn't feeling attached to him.I think it was grief for the relationship, but not him.
I recall you saying that you had to communicate with your ex via email, this was similar to my ex.Very rarely could he talk face to face and now we are separated it's even more pronounced.

I think time will help, as we will develop a new "normal".

There are many losses when a marriage end and we have to try and face each one when they hit us.I've had sad feelings when I walk past a shopping aisle and don't buy the product that I would have usually for ex.It reminds me that I am no longer part of a couple.

It does help to revisit why the marriage ended..mostly were you happy with him?
If not just try to accept this is transition and all the sad feelings will end.

Hermonie2016 - quite possibly yes. Pathetic as it sounds, he had a new top on and that seemed to be all I could focus on!
Yep, email and now texts as well!

I won't hijack this thread with my woes! otherwise I won't stop! He's still filling in all the divorce/financial forms etc.. so for now it's a waiting game. He told me via text earlier he was off work sick at the mo. I have to admit I am glad he's not here, coughing all night and keeping me awake! That's a positive!

Hey guys I posted on the thread a while ago.

I applied for decree nisi which was rejected.
The reason for this in the letter states.

"Amendments concerning jurisdiction should be made at question 2, D80B otherwise a fee will be charged to amend petition.

It is directed that
"Petitioner to complete D80B as above and resign and redate in red ink.
The petitioner should deal with the above matters and renew the request for directions for trial"

I'm not really sure what it is they want me to do.
I know I made an amendment, so that has to be rewritten in red but do I need to resign the application for decree nisi in red and redate??

They only sent me the application of decree nisi and the one page I made amendments on.

I'm a bit confused. I'm probably being incredibly stupid. Do I also need to pay a fee as they've said a otherwise a fee will be charged to amend the petition

If I were you I'd give them a call to check what they want you to do. Glad to hear the rejection is just an admin issue.

I called them and the lady at the end of the phone just kept reading the letter again and again without answering me and said if I need help I need to ask a solicitor

Hmm wondering what's going on here?
Anyway just to report am up in the city where we lived for most of our life, helping DS move out of flat where his life has gone pear shaped, he's moving back with us to settle in our area. Long drive back through the city where my whole life was spent, so many memories...by the time I drove past the club where DS used to go as a young teen I was in tears. I hope to goodness my kids can recover from this horrible process, not that stbxh and I are acrimonious at present but hope I can keep it up for a few more weeks. We're all going to be back together when DD home from Uni how weird. The opposite of what is supposed to be happening!
Hope you all are less confused than I am tonight and have had some good moments this week.

Sorry to hear things are feeling confusing and upsetting proper. Is it nice to have your DS closer to you now?

Today marks 1 year from the worst day of my life. Not the day when I told him to leave (that took me a few more days) but when my world collapsed around me and I knew would never be the same again. A lot has happened since and I have fallen many times but I am still here, still keeping on.

Hoping for no tears today.

Proper, it's the girls I worry about the most. DD1(18) is in an unhealthy relationship at the moment and I believe that she has stayed in it because of what is going on between STBXH and I. She stays at boyriends house 6 days out of 7 and I worry about her when I do finally move house which is likely to be to a 2 bed and she'll think she can't stay with me as she doesn't have a room to herself. DD2 (16) is going to uni next year, which is great, but she is resisting the selling of the house. It's the only house she has known and is her comfort. She is the one who keeps her thoughts to herself most of the time.

Janine, yesterday it was 11 months from our separation date but I feel not much has happened in that we are still staying in the same house and he is still EA and playing mind games. The house is supposed to be going up for sale soon but then again it was supposed to be up for sale already. Very frustrating. The sadness I feel isn't for the relationship we used to have but for him not letting me move on.

How is everyone else getting on?

Confusedgirl, hard to determine without seeing but it could be that if you made amendments they need to be signed to confirm it's you that made changes.
Might be worth posting a new thread on legal or wikidivorce and see if you can get views.

Does seem to be an admin process not due to the content.Don't let it make you feel downhearted though..keep going and you will get free.

NotJanine, wow a year..Just focus on how far you have come, there will be bad days but hopefully they will be less. I guess quite a few of us are coming up to a year.

Jaffa, really understand your concerns for your daughter, we desperately want our dc to have no heartache.If you can keep communication open with her hopefully she will come through it.

Proper, must be an unreal situation although if you can be amicable that's good for the children.Is it ok with your ex?

I've had a mixed week, youngest dc was very upset and desperately wants mum & dad to be friends, and I know he hopes we can reconcile.It upsets me so much and I didn't handle it well as blurted out why I can be friends with ex because he has done xyz..more upset from dc as he loves his dad and can't bear to feel his dad could be anything other than perfect.
It made me realise how much ex's actions post separation have hurt.I never thought he would be so vindictive and I might need to talk them through so that they don't spill out to dc.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Just had another row with himself. It ended up with him in my face threatening to put me in hospital. He then said he wan't me dead, he wants me to get cancer so that he can see me suffering a long and painful death.

It's my day off today and I'm a bit shaken by all that. I don't think he has any intention of selling the house. I think it's all about getting me to leave so he can keep the house.

Not sure what I'm going to do next but I'm going to try and recover the rest of the day so that it isn't entirely wasted. Positive thinking and all that...

Jaffa, that's completely awful, you must be so upset and shaken.What a vicious person.

You will have to get legal as I suspect you are right, he has no intention of giving up the house.Hope you are ok.

Hi guys

Is it okay for me to join this thread?

A little about my situation... husband had an affair a couple of years ago... I kinda forgave him but not really... then I went and lost a shit load of money on a forex trading business I set up... and really everything has gone downhill from there!!!

I lodged with my solicitor last November that we are separated even though he denies it!? We still live in the marital home with our 2 boys... we are now selling the house mostly for financial reasons but I'm seeing it as an opportunity to go our separate ways but I don't think he sees it the same way. So now I'm thinking I might serve him the divorce papers now...?

I'm worried though that he will make life hell if we have to live under the same roof whilst settling the divorce/finances... am I better off grinning and bearing it until our house is sold? But then I'm worried he'll run off with the equity in the house.... what to do??!