Hello all
Just adding my little story to this thread in the hopes of finding some support, as I appear to be losing the will to live somewhat....
Getting a divorce because ex had been 'sexting' with another woman, bought her lingerie (which was apparently meant for me!!) and turned up at her house when he told me he had gone to the pub. Both parties swear they haven't slept together but who knows?! Found out the whole thing when the woman in question messaged me to explain her side and I asked her to send me the screenshots of their conversations... including pictures of himself and videos, too. I'm sure she only sent me the stuff that cast her in a positive light so no doubt there's more to be seen, but it doesn't matter now.
I don't really know what ex wants, tbh. Firstly he was just in a state because he got found out. I started the divorce process as quickly as possible because I want this done with as quickly as possible. His solicitor has been sending letters to my solicitor asking her to talk to me about delaying the process. He wants to go for the 2 year separation thing, in case, as his mum puts it, I change my mind!!!! His parents are being a nightmare; they just can't understand why I won't forgive him and keep on telling me so. She even started comparing our marriage to a fragile vase and that if we put the effort in to repair it, this effort will be the glue that makes it stronger than ever... yeah, I laughed too!!! My parents haven't stuck their noses in to have a go at my ex, so quite why the ex-in-laws think they have a right to have a go is beyond me.
Now that my ex has accepted the fact we are divorcing, he has been really difficult... we have a mortgage together so he's insisting on being at the house half the time, which is annoying but fair I suppose, since it is his house too. He's done all sorts of crazy shit like take all his clothes off - yes, take all his clothes off, butt naked - to embarrass my friend enough so that she would leave me alone with him. He hung outside the house in his car for an hour when me and my sister and friend were inside. He's been making demands as to who can and cannot be in the house, which I have ignored.
He's now put the bombshell on me that he wants to take the kids and the house!!! He won't tell me why he thinks they are better off with him than me, but he thinks (and so his solicitor has apparently said) that he has a really good chance of taking them away from me as sole resident parent because of a very old text message exchange in which we discuss the possibility of me going full time in the future (he is currently full time; I'm 2 days a week). My solicitor says this is rubbish and doesn't believe that his solicitor told him he had a chance of winning on that basis. I just had my first mediation meeting on my own but when we get to the joint meeting, I really don't think my ex is going to drop the residency thing so it will end up going to court. I honestly think he only wants the kids so he will get the house because the house has sentimental value to my side of the family (my dad and late grandmother used to live there). He's just trying to hurt me.
My solicitor says I should go for sole residency and give him every other weekend with the kids (Friday after school, to Monday school drop off), plus one night in the week fortnightly. I think this is fair if they are in the family home to maintain stability and continuity as 4 year old starts school in September. Does this sound fair to the rest of you? It's a funny thing for me to be thinking about as no one I know has ever got divorced so I don't have anyone else to talk to about what generally happens with these things...
The richest thing about it all is that he keeps saying this is MY fault because I made the decision to go for divorce! He says I'm the one who wants all this. He is so arrogant, so manipulative... can anyone else relate to the sense of shame and embarrassment that I feel when I look back at how I didn't see this coming? How I should have because of other kind of controlling / manipulative things he's done? How I never saw my life descending as low brow as an episode of Jeremy Kyle?!??! He even asked me the other day if he wanted me to pick the girls up from nursery and take them home and cook dinner for the three of us (as in, not him) and then he would leave when I got back from work. I said no because I didn't want or need his help and he got all funny about it, saying he was trying to offer an olive branch!! I just said to him, no olive branch you can offer is going to be of any consequence when you're trying to take the girls away from me. Seriously, what is going on in this man's head?!
Ugh, I hate this all so much... when will it be over?!