Support for those starting the divorce process

[hermione2016]

Just wondered how many of us are embarking on divorce and would value some support.

After a disastrous holiday over the summer we are divorcing.Stbxh is divorcing me as he said he would defend a divorce petition from me.He has yet to get a solicitor and my solicitors advised that I set a deadline for him to start the process.

We have 1 dc and were together 15 years.I feel I've had years of EA, at best ex has very low emotional intelligence but is arrogant so would never see it.At worst he's an angry bully.I need to stop trying to figure "why he does what he does" but I'm quite an over thinker. We are in the same house and trying to get it sold.Just organising it going on the market which in itself is stressful.

I know ex will be hostile, he's already refusing to share financial stuff and stating I will have none of his pension.I am happy just to get it all out in the open and let the solicitors sort a reasonable split.I will have less than I have today but hopefully greater peace of mind.

Anyone else wanting to get some support on the journey, to hopefully a happier life?

Roberthelpers- if you want to promote your business here, you need to contact Mumsnet HQ I think.

Treetop, major hurdle over if you have told the children.How is is going for you?

Thanks Hermonie, I have been trying to go with whatever he has been saying but it isn't easy. I was also saying to my sister that I wish I was a bit better with words so that I could put things into his mind and they would come out as his ideas. My biggest problem is that he just won't talk...about anything. Even if I try a little small talk he tells me not to speak, he has nothing he wants to say to me. His anger and hostility towards me is increasing (as is my resilience). The more this continues the more I am thinking that he has some serious MH problems and for years it was him that continually questioned my MH! I have been trying to work out how I could record his verbal abuse just in case I ever need evidence. Unfortunately I'm not the kind of person who has their mobile phone glued to them. I hope that you can get this approach to work for you when you go for mediation, just remember though he will have an audience!

I think today is going to be a good day as I started singing when I was hoovering the house. I hope everyone else has a good day.

I think mine is sort of good, as I am nearly finished with the paperwork & leave in a few hours. I got an email from his barrister today & I sense he is panicking. Barrister will want payment up front, & ex-H has been going through money like water to drive down his net worth. Am knackered though, surrounded by notebooks & papers!

Hermione - it's going ok. I feel generally positive but I now need him to file the D8 petition thing and I feel bad about raising the issue for some reason. It's amicable enough. He's moving into a rental property - it was available yesterday and he's been moving possessions in using his car and has a van booked for Friday for the larger stuff. He's been sleeping at my friend's vacant flat (friend abroad temporarily) since we broke up 2 weeks ago so to all intents and purposes he has gone already.

I want the legal stuff over with. I'm sleeping badly, and I'm sure it's worry about the uncertainty.

UPDATE: It's over! Well, three years &a eleven months since we split I now have the coveted Consent Order. We both walk away with our own assets.
The morning was spent thrashing it out, but I came to Court, large case in hand filled with files & cross examination notes, prepared to argue the case in front of the judge. Did I think I wasted all that time preparing? Not at all, as I think it finally brought him to the negotiating table. The Consent Order prohibits him from any legal action against me of any kind. (This was a man who threatened me with action under companies law, took me to an industrial tribunal, insisted I sign a deed of indemnity before he bought me out of my share of our flat) . I can now get on with my life.
Spent the last couple of hours disassembling folders so that I can take two rubbish bags of paper to the shredder.

Well done Moan, I'm glad you got the result you wanted. You can now get on with the rest of you life. I'm just a little tad envious as I can see my crap taking as long and I'm only 6/7 months in.

Moan - that's brill!

Fantastic! well done! Proud moment for you.

Thanks, all. We went out for a slap up meal last night. It was a long, hard slog. I kept thinking, surely he will come to his senses? But he never did. Well, not til yesterday. He had to think he could actually lose a lot, before he backed down. I had to be very tough, and use all the "win-lose" strategies. He saw any signs of conciliation as weakness.
Sadly, they go from being "the beloved husband" to "the enemy".

Moonraker, fantastic news.Well done.

Are you exempt from legal action in the event of personal injuries? Jaffa has a nail gun

....and I provide the alibis!

- an idea! I was just happy to know he could never, ever, ever come at me again legally. He spent £35k on lawyers fees & there are too many lawyers out there who will exploit people's anger. My lawyer & I could not believe he would start a wrongful dismissal case in the middle of the divorce. We pleaded with him to stop, but to no avail.
He looked just awful yesterday. He drinks way too much & it will probably kill him.

14th Feb! Oh faff a, how are you feeling?

Angry men do burn out eventually (adrenalin, anger, depressiom, coping strategies either drinking or eating) and it because obvious on their bodies and face.
Also if they retain resentment it just works against them in the end.

This week I feel I have started to detach, it's close to 3 months since he moved out and I don't feel I'm out of the woods but do feel better most days.
We start mediation beginning of Feb so I know it's a lull before the storm.

Tapir & Pandora, how are you both doing?

Great news Moanranger.

I need to sign and return documents to the solicitor and then will get a date for the decree nisi. Also have a new solicitor as other one has gone on maternity leave.

I am incredibly tired at the moment so have made an effort to do a healthy food shop and going back on the paleo diet from tomorrow.

House feels weird atm. Stbxh's girlfriend came round earlier this week while I was away and she's tidied the house. It just feels odd. And I find it really weird that she folded my laundry and paired my sock

(((Hugs))) faffa. I'm still waiting for mine which is sent off for on 17th December. Getting quite frustrated.

Stbx is due to be having DD on 14th Feb as it's his night and there's a footy match on. Be interesting to see what happens with that!

Congratulations Moan you are one awesome woman. Even when you know you're right and just need to stand your ground that doesn't make doing it easy. Your X must feel a right prat ending up with those legal bills.

Apart from the interminable wait for nisi date, not doing too bad here. Better week at work, had a lovely day today pottery painting and have booked DD and I a weekend away in December so something else to look forward to.

Bloody hell Helpme that is beyond bizarre

I don't know how I'd react to that.

Help, ermm, can you explain the background to that happening??

She seems keen on being a "good housewife" type. She often tidied the kids rooms for them if she's here when I'm out. I was away for 3 days this week and left my laundry on the airer because it wasn't dry. Seems 2 days in, she came round and folded it all in order to put kids' and stbxh's laundry on it. I sometimes think she's trying to show she'd be a good wife/stepmum.

Help creepy! My ex's girlfriend tries to cosy up to my kids, esp my daughter - always asking her about her love life, which DD hates- I don't think it's very effective especially as she is a lush. I googled her out of curiosity & all I came up with was a drunk driving conviction & license ban, reported in her local press. That salubrious event happened AFTER she an ex got together