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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

URGENT help re child contact please

96 replies

Homely1 · 24/09/2015 11:18

So separated for some time, cannot think, toddler DC and DH who has been useless now sends me letter for DC staying overnight with him every other weekend PLUS contact for a day on the alternative weekend. Seems like a lot. DC has never stayed away or had very much time alone with DH.

Anyone recommend excellent lawyer who does child related issues in London? Very scared. He's using a very eminent firm.

OP posts:
Lasvegas · 25/09/2015 14:35

I think that contact is the norm, assuming you and x live near each other.

In your position I would start with gradual contact so x has sole charge for one hour and builds up over a year to one over night.

Bellemere · 25/09/2015 16:38

Agree with the above. What are your reasons for opposing contact?

VikingVolva · 25/09/2015 16:42

It really doesn't sound like a lot, and it is in your DC's interests to have a relationship with both parents.

VimFuego101 · 25/09/2015 16:47

That sounds like standard contact and a judge would probably order that if it went to court. You could always request a couple of months of building up to it - a few hours a day first before starting overnight visits. Why do you want to oppose it?

SoupDragon · 25/09/2015 16:51

I think it's more normal to have a weekday contact visit rather than one on "your" weekend. Other than that, every other weekend is fairly standard.

starlight2007 · 25/09/2015 16:53

What contact does he currently have

lookingforlight · 27/09/2015 21:29

IMO that's a perfectly reasonable ask (bare minimum if you ask me). What is your reason for trying to prevent it.

Courts will evaluate balance of harm to Your DC if you tried to block it (and you'd need strong evidence to support your concerns). Otherwise you will risk coming across as vindictive and someone who is using their child to get at their estranged spouse.

You said you are so worried you can't think. Are you ok?

glenthebattleostrich · 27/09/2015 21:33

I thought the norm was every other weekend and one day through the week. Otherwise when does the resident parent get a full weekend?

Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 20:52

I don't get a whole weekend with his proposal.

OP posts:
Fuckitfay · 30/09/2015 20:58

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NewToNoContact · 30/09/2015 21:03

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SoupDragon · 30/09/2015 21:14

I'm amazed at how many people think his proposal is normal and reasonable.

Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 21:22

I was a little surprised too but I'm no expert.

OP posts:
NewToNoContact · 30/09/2015 21:23

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NewToNoContact · 30/09/2015 21:34

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Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 21:40

Thank you all.

New... Totally controlling, emotionally abusive. He's done this via a solicitor though so likely to mean it? Did your ex do that?

I think he is a high earner. He has not told me. He is manipulative so worry that in court, will have all on his side.

Been speaking with ppl- they say I should mention bad behaviour in my response but I'm worried this will anger him and make up lies about me.

I do not know about another relationship.

OP posts:
starlight2007 · 30/09/2015 21:42

I would also agree with the comments it would be EOW and one night in the week..However I am still not sure what your issue is with it..Is it the additional day on your weekend?

starlight2007 · 30/09/2015 21:44

You also still haven't mentioned what contact currently is..

If it is 2 hours a fortnight it is not reasonable to expect it to be EOW and one night a week.

The solicitor just because he has wrote it he is paid to write what Ex is asking for.

SurlyCue · 30/09/2015 21:45

Every other weeken is the bare minimum i would expect to be honest. Day time contact on your weekend is not somethjng ive heard of before and cant see it being granted. You each should have the pleasure of your child for the a full weekend. Im assuming he works long hours which is why he hasnt asked for midweek contact?

Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 21:46

Yes that's right, the additional day is the weekend (mine). Plus why does a child so young need to stay overnight?

OP posts:
SurlyCue · 30/09/2015 21:51

Plus why does a child so young need to stay overnight?

A child of any age should have the experience of staying over at their own parent's house. You are being possessive of your son to assert that he is too young to stay with his other parent. If he is able to sleep at your house then he is able to sleep at his other parent's house.

I would agree to every other weekend but not the contact on your weekend. Suggest a midweek contact instead.

Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 21:55

I see... Thank you.

OP posts:
OddlyLogical · 30/09/2015 21:55

He needs to stay overnight so he can care for him like a parent and so they can build a strong relationship.
Every other weekend plus 1 evening during the week is fairly normal. I would agree that it's reasonable to want a full weekend yourself, but lots of kids spend every weekend with the NRP

NewToNoContact · 30/09/2015 22:00

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Original poster
Homely1 · 30/09/2015 22:12

Thank you... Very helpful. So what happened re child contact? Is it wise to tell such a personality how rubbish a parent they have been? Or will that cause serious probs for me?

Preseparation DC was a baby so mostly with me

Ex is very charming etc etc and has ppl wrapped around him

OP posts:
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