Son’s mother telling him he is ill when he’s not

[Dylan222]

My 12 year old sons mother has told him that he has ADHD and is that he is Autistic, her parents have also told him.

However he does not have ADHD and is not Autistic. It looks to be a type of child abuse called Fabricated Illness by Proxy. I have been working with his GP to get Social Services involved, his mother has been falsely stating to people for the last few years that my son has these conditions, however this week was the first time she has told him.

Any advice please on how I should approach it with my son? I have explained the situation as clearly as I can to him and confirmed that he does not have ADHD or Autism, but I don’t know whether to talk about it with him more or just let him come to me if he is worried about it.

Thank you

School is not qualified to either diagnose or deny ADHD or ASD.

Mine too, just like her autistic mother and other family members. OP words that could be used to describe your behaviour in this topic could be ‘fixed thinker’ and obsessed. These are phrases that are often associated with neurodivergent individuals.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and your son. It sounds so unfair. You should fight for custody. In the meantime perhaps go to the police to raise benefit fraud. Can your son testify? Can he talk to ss, to say he wants to live with you? Please continue reassuring him. It absolutely does not sound like he has autism or adhd all.

This is a load of bollocks.

On the surface, my dd is incredibly sociable.

You haven’t missed a post. There hasn’t been a diagnosis. But why let that stop the men haters insist that the OP is running some kind of hate campaign against his ex 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have you seen the report? What lies did she tell?

An ADOS report is not based the mothers opinion it is based on observations and assessments of the child.

It is not an opinion it is a report carried out by highly trained assessors.

It is one of the standardised tests used by the NHS.

I'm very surprised at the level of hatred going to op here. From what I read the kid hasn't been assessed properly at all. The dm might be incentivised for benefit fraud. Some people are saying, vis he fidgeting? Op says no. Then the reply is, oh he might have adhd even without fidgeting! Same for attentiveness, focus, intelligence.. For gods sake, op can't win any argument here. Adhd is complex I think we can agree. He hasn't been assessed by a doctor who observed him. Anyone can fill in those subjective bs forms and diagnose anyone. Op has every right to be sceptical at least.

It you said that he HAS been diagnosed. A private diagnosis, using ADOS.

Well the OP themselves said that it was a diagnosis on another thread and an ADOS assessment is not just an opinion.

Do you know what? These posts boil down to parents who've been through the process of being gaslit by schools by being told they are fine who have had to fight for diagnosises to help our children and those who haven't.

The ones who have been through this have serious concerns about the way in which this parent is conducting himself.

It has nothing to do with being a man hater at all. Take YOUR prejudices elsewhere and consider the important person here who is the child.

My DD’s SENCO didn’t think my DD was autistic or had ADHD. School were completely unsupportive. Her dad - my ex - also seemed to think I was making it up.

She has since been diagnosed with both and now has a full time TA. The panel who diagnosed her were all in agreement and no doubts.

The OP keeps changing the story.

I am amazed that he is now claiming that having previously stated the child was diagnosed by ADOS that he is now claiming he wasn't and people on this thread BELIEVE HIM.

A clinical psychologist is entitled to diagnose ASD. My DS was referred by his paediatrician and had his ADOS completed by a speech therapist who was qualified to assess people with symptoms of ASD. The clinical psychologist spoke to me whilst the test was going on.
The speech therapist then went to his school to observe him in that setting and spoke to his teacher. Between them they diagnosed high functioning autism. No doctor or paediatrician was involved. The ADOS probably took about an hour. The assessment was thorough and the correct decision was reached. We received a report outlining their reasons and detailing their observations.

What benefit fraud has been committed? You can apply for DLA without an assessment, therefore, if mum has applied for this stating she believes the son has ADHD and is autistic she hasn’t done anything wrong. If DLA has been awarded and there is no evidence from school the gov must respect the ADOS assessment.

OP - the ADOS is done WITH the child. The parent isn’t involved.

This 👏🏻

For those saying maybe he has it, his mum shouldn't be telling him he has it until he's diagnosed with it (and then maybe only when it could be appropriate.)

As he hasn't been diagnosed with it then it's not something he needs to think about yet (and might never have to if he's found not to have it.)

The paediatrician referred him because I was concerned and his teacher also brought the subject up.
It had never been suggested by anyone previously , but I did have my suspicions. In fact he was always described as being very sociable and emotionally intelligent so that made me think that ASD wasn't possible. However ASD isn't about not having any of those things, it's about having disorders in some areas and in some cases that can mean being overly sociable or overly sensitive about things

This really has nothing to do with men-haters.

And it isn't at all clear that there is no diagnosis. The OP has referred to a diagnosis on other threads and it seems clear from this thread that an assessment was carried out resulting in a high ADOS score. The OP has said that the doctor gave only an opinion and not a diagnosis, but he has also stated previously that the NHS had accepted the private assessment and it seems unlikely that the NHS would recognise an opinion in the absence of a proper diagnosis.

So actually, we just don't know either way.

About 6 months after I separated from my wife, she began to tell people that I had been domestically abusive to her, which was untrue.
Around the same time she lied about our son to a private doctor, which resulted in the doctor giving the opinion that our son had ADHD and Autism. Since then she has been telling people that he has been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism which is untrue.
I have previously provided evidence in Court to show that her allegations against me are false. My sons school have shown serious concern about the private assessment, and have stated that they do not believe that he has ADHD or Autism. I have provided evidence to my ex-wife showing that the private doctor only provided and opinion and not a diagnosis.
Despite this my ex-wife has continued to state that I was domestically abusive and our son has been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism.
I have applied for a Non-Molestation Order to try to get her to stop, but I feel really awful about returning to Court. Is there something else I could do instead?

his mother applied for an ‘opinion’, not a diagnosis, but has been stating since the assessment that he has been ‘diagnosed’, which I thought was the case, however the private doctor has recently stated that she only provided an opinion as was requested by his mum and ‘did not diagnose’ my son.

Yes I agree - it looks that way to me too

Oops. Name change fail?

On the balance of probability, and on the basis of what the OP has himself said, I'd say this child has a diagnosis.

The father just doesn't accept it and has it in for his child's mother.

Its utterly disgusting isnt it!